Strong Woman: Yes, You!

Go ahead, try it!

Let's face it. No beating around the bush. Once we become single again, most likely we will need to either find an alternative income source or a regular job leading to a great career. Even if we have all the money we need, sitting around with nothing to do is boring, unproductive, and detrimental to our social life! Just remember what Oscar Wilde, the famous Irish poet and playwright, once said, “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” This might be the perfect quote to hang up where we can see it every day!

Five “Strong Woman” Clues to a Better Life

• Our health and happiness will blossom with the right job or career
• Taking the risk to improve our position will energize us
• Relationships on the job create friendships with those in the same situation
• We will establish ways to find new interests, hobbies, and opportunities

The Wrong Thing at the Right Time

All of this searching may seem scary at first, like looking over the edge of a skyscraper. We may just want to curl up or disappear, but eventually, we will have to face the world again. The good thing is that once we step out on our own, it gets easier and easier to find our freedom. It’s all about choosing a life of love and joy and putting one foot in front of the other. Don’t just take a job because it’s there. That’s a mistake made by many, many women, and it turns them into bitter and resentful people. It’s the wrong thing at the right time.

Some of us are planners from way back. We like the wonderful feeling of things running smoothly--it’s like the taste of a soft-serve ice cream cone. Life is yummy! Organizing is at the top of our list because we hate not being able to find things when we need something. Some of us are not in that camp! Deep down, we like the excitement and constant flow of adrenaline, but, admittedly, we could probably use the help of a professional organizing team to dig us out of the mess.

Tip of the Day

We realize rather quickly, trying to do life alone was never meant for us humans. Yes, it is hard. Harder than we ever knew it would be as a single-again woman. No one said it would be all roses and chocolates. However, if we stop and take a breath, we’ll find out that this adversity in our lives is exactly how our faith can grow. Part of that growth step is recognizing there are all sorts of support groups, counselors, church groups, and best friends to call on when we are depressed and despondent. There is no need to stay in the house and allow our feelings to overwhelm and convince us to give up. That is never a solution to anything.

So what is the very best answer for each one of us? It’s accepting the One who cares about us more than anyone could ever imagine. God knows what we need (not want) the most and what our future is all about. God created us, so of course, he knows all our hurts, pains, frustrations, and depressions. He sees our story on the “Big Screen” from beginning to end. Whereas, we can only look at our life through a narrow lens one day at a time. Otherwise, it would be too overwhelming because he has so many good and wonderful things planned for us. God is willing to direct our steps until we reach his ideal for our perfect life. Our part is just to cooperate!

“Commit your actions to the LORD, and your plans will succeed” (Proverbs 16:3 NLT).

Big Makeover

Taking a risky turn in life is pretty common, wouldn't you agree? The truth is, it's never too late to make changes for the better. Some improvements are fairly easy to make like taking classes elsewhere. Or getting our hair re-styled. Relocating from one city to another might take more planning and daring, but it can be done. 

We wouldn't sit in front of our mirrors and apply makeup without knowing what we are doing. Likewise, we need to find out what we really want to do now that we are single-again. It doesn’t matter if we are twenty-two, forty-two, or seventy-two. If we haven’t achieved our dream, we still have decisions to make. 

So, we can get serious and make a plan for the “big makeover.” One thing we don't want to do is nothing, as it traps us in that big, dark "hole" we fell into long ago. It's time to admit now that many years have gone by and nothing has happened in our little brains. C. P. Sennett, the author and multi-award-winning business owner, once said, "If nothing changes, then nothing changes.”

Instead of regretting our procrastination--and never accomplishing our dreams–we recognize each day as a new beginning. It’s a fresh start. It holds another twenty-four hours of opportunity. It contains numerous possibilities we haven't even thought of yet. Remember, it's never too late to begin again as long as we don't give up! Quitting has never accomplished anything; it only gives the next woman in line a chance. 

Further, nothing says we can't do it on our own as women either. Sure, we know about the founders of some of the largest software/tech companies. But plenty of women have had their multi-million dollar successes. Of course, not without hard work.

Cultivating Ideas and Learning by Example

Imagine how some of the most successful women have been examples to all of us. There are so many we can barely name all of them. Here are just a few for you to consider:

• Arianna Huffington, co-founder and former editor-in-chief of the news website HuffPost (my favorite).
• Michelle Rhee, American Educator. Founded StudentsFirst, a non-profit organization for education reform.
• Three women listed among the top 20 Christian women who shaped history: Florence Nightingale, Susan B. Anthony, and Evangeline Cory Booth

All of these women are good examples for us to follow. Get to the library  and check out their biographies because we are all winners!   

Tip of the Day

What special idea is on your horizon? It can be absolutely anything we choose. Something that will fill us with joy and contentment. Only God knows what is right for our lives. Having a Guide to help us along the way, however, will make our dreams come alive. God created us inside and out with a unique purpose. He even created that horizon way out there that contains our dreams. 

The best part is the “Helper” God left for us to figure it all out! He will motivate, watch over us, supply endless direction, and give us the encouragement we’ll need to move forward. His name is the Holy Spirit and he lives inside our hearts forever once we ask Jesus to be our Savior. How could we possibly go wrong?

“No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it [yet], but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead” (Philippians 3:13 NLT)

Can't Get There from Here

Not too late to plant currants!

Have you noticed? Summer arrived a little too soon this year, and the kids couldn't wait to jump in a pool somewhere! However, not everyone enjoys the heat of summer days, sweating through the humidity and hoping our hair won’t wilt, slathering on suntan lotion with an SPF higher than the outside temperature, and slapping away pesky flying and crawling critters! And now, the “dog days” of summer are nearly over. 

When we think about what's next, many people have no reason to whine about the fall with all its fascinating colors and familiar smells. Falling leaves, pumpkin farms, corn mazes, great food, and harvest activities bring us right into the Christmas season. 

It takes a few of these seasons to figure out how to navigate brand-new traditions as single-again women. But let’s set aside the fluff talk for now; this is reality. One unvarnished truth to realize right away: there is life after we go our separate ways! Yet, time does not stand still for us, so at this point, we may ask, why is it, then, so hard? 

The key many of us forget is that this new life is not our old life (thankfully), nor should we expect it to be the same. It's just different, that's all. And, although scary at times, different can be enjoyable, beautiful, and delightful depending on how much effort we put into it. Think of all the times we’ve dreamed of doing things differently, but couldn’t for one reason or another. Now is our chance!

Hopefully, we are now anxious to start creating new memories. It’s all up to us. So let’s have a little fun. First, go to an office supply store and get a new, colorful twelve or sixteen-month calendar (hint: it's depressing to look at an old calendar!) Yes, we all know a digital calendar on our smartphone or tablet is convenient, but it can’t be compared to the uplifting benefits of a visual calendar. You’ll see.

Fill it not only with family birthdays and occasions but, more to the point, with all the new, fun things to do for the upcoming year. When does that college class in creative writing begin? When and where is the best ski trip with friends taking place? Who are you planning on visiting in the summer? What is the best time to plant roses? Plan as many enjoyable days as possible; those thirty or thirty-one little boxes need to come alive!

Perhaps the most important time to prepare for is the major holidays. Remember, being different is a good thing. Who says we have to keep all the old decorations around? Try donating it all to charity and start fresh. Go from all green and red (if that’s how it’s been for years) to gold and white, or all silver and woodsy. Move the furniture around and leave it permanently that way after the holidays. If none of this sounds fun, forget it all and go on a holiday cruise with another single friend to a tropical island (don’t forget to put it on your visual calendar). And smile!

Speaking of friends, this is the season of our lives that making new acquaintances is the best thing we can do for ourselves. No big commitment, just a way to be a friend to get a friend. Sitting in the house alone day after day will get us nowhere fast! Amazingly, it won’t be long before we find others with the same single lifestyle (and we are not talking about “singles clubs” either). We can begin to share ideas and similar activities and go to new places with others. One clue: avoid familiar places from the past. That’s just asking for trouble. 

There are just so many ways to create joy and peace in our lives throughout the year. We are powerful women with gifts, abilities, and talents. Using these to our greatest advantage will fill us with all the love we desire from others, for others, and ourselves.

Tip of the Day

Finally, be grateful for new beginnings. As time passes from year to year, we will be able to look around and see where we have been and where new adventures are bringing us. We never need to do this life alone, either. We have a Spiritual Helper--our Lord Jesus--that we can call on to give us all the support we will ever need!

“Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything--and I do mean everything--connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life--a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you” (Ephesians 4:23-24 The Message).

Once a Mom, Always a Mom

Innocent, quiet for now! Enjoy!

Moms of toddlers, teens, and everything in between can chuckle and nod knowingly when we say, "It was so much easier when they were innocent, quiet babies!" But we know that was when we had some measure of control over our children. Now it's non-stop chatter, running, jumping, and wrestling with siblings. Where, oh where, do they get all that energy? we often question.

We celebrate moms because someone once said, “Once a mom, always a mom” which, of course, is so very true. [*Please note that we are including every mom who has given birth at some time in their lives. Even if the child is in the arms of Jesus right now or being raised by another family (for whatever reason), we recognize the heartfelt love of this birth mom.] 

We have spent sleepless nights with a crying baby, had to rush over to talk with the school principal about yet another incident, and waited up to all hours when our teen missed curfew. But we still love our children dearly and wouldn't exchange them, even if we could. Our primary responsibility as parents is to guide and direct our children's steps, which can become a problem in itself. 

Of course, this doesn't come without some struggles and difficulties. The steps and stages we go through with motherhood will forever be in our minds. Who does not have one or even two baby books to mark every occasion with a wisp of hair or the first tooth? Plenty of photos at birthday parties, holidays, and everyday outings at the playground. Eventually, though, this becomes increasingly difficult as we have a second, third, or fourth child (how many is that, you say?). 

How do some moms make it look so easy? Look is the keyword here. Certainly, I am not an expert on this subject, but I did raise two boys. One thing I know, it is advisable to search for what the experts say about parenting and to stay informed on the subject. Even just a quick search on the internet will yield so many resources that we would need several thumb drives to save them all into a digital library. Just be sure to verify credentials and save only reliable and well-known child experts, such as WebMD, Parents (they have an entire family of magazines), and Focus on the Family, to name but a few.

Raising healthy and well-adjusted children requires more than an ounce of gentleness, patience, and self-control on our part. No doubt about it, no matter their age! For example, when children live with a harsh or violent parent, they will likely learn to be harsh and violent to some degree. And the opposite is also true. Developing a kind and quiet nature ourselves will go far in modeling what we may want to see in our grown children someday. 

If we are simply looking for ways to improve our parenting skills (and who isn't?), the following four tips for maintaining sanity should get the ball rolling:

• Join a mom's group such as MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers at mops.org) 
• Best book in print is: Boundaries With Kids by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
• Raise children in a Christian home and church where they can grow, learn, and play
• Best Power Source: prayer, prayer, and more prayer for ourselves and our children! (Philippians 4:6a NLT).

Tip of the Day 

One of the best examples of love and kindness towards children was demonstrated by Jesus himself. True, He was not a mom! But because He is God, He is our heavenly Father. So He knows the feeling when we wonder about doing all we can for our child. He can be our very best Friend in our most important role. We can make sure to include Him in all our ways and days!

“But Jesus said, ‘Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.’ And he placed his hands on their heads and blessed them before he left” (Matthew 19:14-15 NLT).

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6 NIV).

TIME

TIME IS ALL WE HAVE!

SO DON'T FORGET TO TAKE BREAKS LIKE 

THIS BLOG IS TAKING THE REST OF 

THIS MONTH!

WE WILL BE BACK ON AUGUST 5TH!

Beautiful Reflections

Kaleidoscope: endless reflections 

When we were in high school or college, there were always some science teachers who had a way of making things especially interesting. God bless those teachers who continue to have that kind of passion! One time it was a lesson on reflective surfaces. What made that demonstration so interesting was creating a favorite type of toy: the kaleidoscope. 

Ordinary objects like beads, glass, and buttons, along with mirrors and angles, created beautiful pictures inside a tube when held up to the light. And none of the colorful designs were ever the same twice. Understandably, to this day, kaleidoscopes are popular for both kids and adults alike. The lack of duplication in the design is precisely how each one of us is made: individually awesome with unique characteristics.

However, there are specific times in our lives when we do not feel so wonderful or powerful. Certainly, living through a marital break-up or the loss of a spouse caused all sorts of unpleasant feelings to surface, sometimes all at once. We thought we were never going to feel good about ourselves again. 

Especially if it was a first marriage or a long marriage, we may have believed we just couldn’t make it on our own. We didn’t have enough of anything. Not enough know-how. Not enough money. Not enough looks, education, or a home. Not enough of the one hundred other things we could think up. Does this sound like anyone we know? 

That is how twisted our minds can get when we are under stress, can not think, and don’t even understand ourselves, never mind the other person. But it is of utmost importance to remember that we were created to be wonderful women and therefore, we still are wonderful, powerful, and enough in every way--no one can take that away from us!

Even if the person we lived with never appreciated our true beauty, talents, or gifts, who says we have to accept that lack of vision? We have a chance to shatter any distorted image of ourselves by recognizing:

• Our value is not dependent on another person. On this earth, only you can know you. With that kind of power, we can achieve more than we ever have before. We can go as far as we can imagine. Begin by enjoying just the next twenty-four hours. And then the next, and then. . .
• One person can never change another person. We can only change our response to that person. It is a difficult habit to break, but realizing how hard it is to simply correct our own imperfections leaves us no room to go when we try imposing our standards on others.
• Nothing and no one can ever make God turn His back on us. Not even ourselves. The good news is no matter what we have done or how we lived or didn’t live our past lives, He accepts us unconditionally with loving arms. He loves us. Period. We are His precious daughters!

Time to go out now and buy a kaleidoscope to celebrate our beautiful and powerful form! [p.s. that's the word that means beautiful form to see in Greek.] 

Tip of the Day

This is important to remember: No power in heaven or earth can cut us off from God's love. Once we ask the Lord into our hearts, He is there forever. He is there to guide us. He is there to protect us. He is there to provide for us. He is there. Always.

So now that we are settled into correct thinking and on our own, we can do our souls good by drawing near to God and preparing for heaven (our permanent home) while on earth. Nothing will give us more faith, hope, and confidence in knowing that "in all things God works for the good of those who love Him."

“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?” (Romans 8:31 NLT).

Did You Lose Your Key?

Where will your key fit?

Nowhere does it say that just because a person attends college, she becomes wiser than anyone else. Certainly, higher education is an admirable goal and one that should seriously be considered, no matter what age we are! Hopefully, we are now anxious to choose or finish the better aspects of higher education. 

Sound like a plan? Before we realize it, four years can disappear faster than a hummingbird. It’s all about balance and choices that propel us in the right direction. A press release by CareerBuilder once stated in a title, “One-Third of College-Educated Workers Do Not Work in Occupations Related to Their College Major. Thirty-six Percent Wish They Majored in Something Different.” There's a hint to start a little research!

If we feel stuck finding our specific niche in life, then it may require some honest soul-searching. Fear, a major cause of procrastination, normally is the culprit that holds us back. But once we discover the key to our dreams, any amount of time spent on educating ourselves and then working in our chosen field is all joy. Try starting with these seven key questions:

• What particular activity can cause you to lose track of time?
• What books, magazines, or online articles do you find yourself reading?
• What do people compliment you on as “your gift?”
• Did your younger self have a dream that was never realized?
• If you have a degree, how could you now use it in a new field?
• If you are retired, how could you use your skills as a volunteer?
• If money wasn’t an issue, what would you do with the rest of your life?

Tip of the Day

We don’t need to feel alone in this exciting adventure. We are not alone. Even before we were born, in our mother’s womb, God already had a perfect plan designed for each one of us. That’s His special niche! He’s been preparing us to jump in with all the courage and strength we can find. 

God is anxious to give us plenty of wisdom to see all our dreams come true, especially now that we are on our own. All we have to do is let Him know we are ready and willing to move ahead with Him in the driver’s seat. Get ready, Graduation Day is coming!

“But if any of you needs wisdom, you should ask God for it. He is generous to everyone and will give you wisdom without criticizing you” (James 1:5 NCV).

Looking for the Price Tag

First task of the day creates "wisdom"! 

Just a bit of trivia today. In 2018, the "highest auction price in Sotheby's [world's largest broker of fine art] history" was for the sale of artist "Amedeo Modigliani's [painting] Nu Couche' for $157.2 million." [www.sothebys.com] 

Material objects can be passed down as an investment in a person’s will, but one thing remains a fact: no one can take possessions with them when they die. We came into the world with nothing, and we will leave with nothing. 

However, people have been buried with certain so-called “treasures” in their graves. John F. Kennedy collected scrimshaw (ivory engraved with pictures and designs) and one piece was placed in his coffin along with his gold cufflinks, among other things; Frank Sinatra was buried with a bottle of Jack Daniel’s whiskey and a pack of Camel cigarettes; and Bob Marley had his red Gibson Les Paul guitar and a Bible placed with him when he died. [smithsonianmag.com] 

What's Going On?

Much, much more valuable to us during our lifetimes is gaining wisdom, or we can think of it as “becoming wise,” not an easy thing to do for any of us! Without it, we can exhibit a lack of common sense and become prone to all sorts of foolish activities destroying our lives in the process. [One of the best descriptions of wisdom is found in the Bible. See the book of Proverbs 2:1-15]

We can feel good, really good, that in literature, as well as the Bible (i.e., Proverbs 8:1-36), Wisdom is portrayed as a woman--”the one who instructs.” [Zondervan Handbook to the Bible, 1999, pg 395]. We sense you teachers out there already knew this, right?  

But how would we put a “price tag” on wisdom? Or could we? Yes, it is a valuable commodity that bolsters human nature and our relationships. But it is not a monetary matter. It can be said that once we have it, and know how to use it, we will always have it. So which could we say is more valuable, money or wisdom? 

There is nothing worth more than having a sense of wisdom. Without it, we have nothing else to fall back on and no one to trust. We have no foundation for goodness to grow, nowhere for truth to live. We can hold onto it, add to it, and take it with us wherever we go.

Tip of the Day

God knew from the beginning that we would need wisdom in our lives every single day. His generosity offers this priceless gift to us for the taking. It’s already inside of us, lying dormant. All we need to do is ask God daily to “turn the faucet on,” so wisdom will flow into us through His Holy Spirit (a special “Helper” being given to us). No need to bring your credit card--it costs nothing!

“Wisdom is more precious than rubies. Nothing you could want is equal to it” (Proverbs 8:11 NCV).

Time to Soak Up the Sunshine!

Sunshine waiting for you!

When we want to do something fun and exhilarating, housekeeping is probably the last thing we would think of doing. Of course, the “dust bunnies” regularly pile up on or under every surface in our home. The floors call out to us to give them a clean shine. Windows want to sparkle. Unfortunately, the cleaning must be done! 

One task–changing sheets on a bed--should be one of the easier weekly chores. Yet, for some reason, it can become a major struggle especially if we have to get behind a queen-sized bed surrounded by three walls in a tiny bedroom. Such an ordeal has the potential for a touchy anger issue to raise its ugly head. 

We allow ourselves to explode and overreact at even the smallest things that invade our lives. We reach out and grab a bottle of detergent with a loose cap to wash the next load of clothes and immediately drop and spill the sticky liquid contents all over the floor. Yikes! 

So what is going on? Sometimes, it is simple frustration or fear about our circumstances that turns a good day into an anxiety-filled boiling pot. Maybe we didn't get enough sleep last night. Or, perhaps, we don’t even have a consistent sleep schedule which then wreaks havoc with anything we are trying to get done. Everything we have to go through alone seems overwhelming. We have no one to lean on, no one to talk to, and no one who can help us overcome all of our sticky problems. 

Yet, deep down inside, we know what we need the most. We need love (we are not speaking at this moment about sexual intimacy). We need someone to say "It is okay, let me do that for you." What a refreshing thought. We could at least take a deep breath and a needed break and call a friend for a short chat. She might need it just as much as we do. 

There are all forms of love to give and receive and they don’t always require an intimate partner. What we are alluding to here is the kind of deep relationships we crave with others--friends and family--that we can add into our lives. How?

Well, building friendships takes time and effort, so maybe we just have to face the fact, the sheets can wait until tomorrow. The dusting is for another day when we are calmer. Now is the time to step outside, soak up the sunshine (defeats depression by the way), and invite a friend for a cup of coffee/favorite treat.  

God created many, many beautiful things for us including aspen trees, snow-capped mountains, gentle ocean waves, evergreens, and fields of wheat swaying in the breeze. The list is so long, we could fill numerous volumes of gratitude journals. Go ahead and start one now!

We can literally grow into love. Think about that for a minute. Although we may not have an intimate, physical touch at this moment in our private lives, we can still seek appropriate love from others just by being involved and helping someone else to meet a need. 

We grow into that kind of love because love requires at least two people. Two friends. Two siblings. Two neighbors. Two starts the snowball rolling in our direction. Recently on a Sunday morning, someone at church said, “I became a Greeter because I need hugs.” Watch out! Love is rolling our way!

Tip of the Day 

Getting involved regularly with a local church, neighborhood school, hospital, or the many community organizations that seek volunteers will fill us with more love than we could ever imagine! It’s very difficult to stay angry or depressed with our life situations when love is given and received in this way. It was God’s simple plan from the very beginning: give love, get love. It does work!

“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony” (Colossians 3:14 NLT).

Cake with Icing Please

Red Velvet with Icing!

One of the most treasured gifts is peace. It is also the most difficult to find. Peace is spoken about in church services, negotiated during wars, displayed in store windows at Christmas, and printed on gift cards and wrapping paper. 

It is a freedom most of the world wants and will strive to get. But peace should not just be enjoyed at certain times of the year and then stored on a shelf with the rest of the ornaments. It is important to our well-being and happiness all during the year as it continually exhibits the quality of life so many have missed.

Where exactly is peace found?

All women who truly want peace have to work hard at creating it in their lives because it does not just suddenly appear. We need to learn new skills and behaviors that lead to a more harmonious life. Single-again women [widowed, divorced, single moms] may find gaining peace a little bit more challenging now on our own, but it can be done, if we don't give up! 

Remember, the rewards are worth the effort. Calm and tranquility can become part of our new lives if we are willing to try some practical ways to start building the best possible life right now. Ready? Set. Go!

• It's important to take one positive step at a time. Rushing through this period in our lives will only create a shaky foundation. Start with whatever is most important right at this moment. A new job? A better place to live? Finding new friends? 
• 
  
• Take the time to find the positives every day. Making the perfect cup of coffee, planting a yellow rose bush, finding a new book to read (try your local thrift store for a great bargain). Every tiny victory counts! Be determined to go forward, not backward. 
• 
  
• No fantasies! They aren't real and will only swallow us in frustration. If living in a large mansion isn't part of the budget right now, we can find something just as beautiful that we can be proud of calling our home. Simple is good. Hint: it's trendy to go "minimalist" in the decorating arena. And if $350 for a pair of jeans with designer “holes” or fake “mud” sounds expensive, do not even look at brand names selling for $1,200 and up (it is true; we’re not making this up)! Be proud to shop the "sale" racks (or better yet, discount stores) for clothes and end up with money in those fancy pockets.

The Icing on the Cake: Patience

None of the above tips will work without Patience as a companion. Take a breath and remember these two truths:

Challenges - we don’t develop as a woman if all we have is a perfect and easy life. We only grow and mature through the "ugly stuff" in our lives and how we handle them. Even in nature, things happen for a reason. Take roses, for instance, (nearly all of them) have thorns that are difficult to remove. There is a reason. The thorns protect them from natural enemies like insects and animals! We can find a purpose for the “thorns” we have if only we show a little tenacity and patience.

Attitudes - how we react and treat others with love and patience will amaze them. The world expects us to react with anger and rudeness when things don’t go our way. The waitress is too slow. The insurance company won’t pay our claim. We got our pink slip this week. Someone cuts us off in line. Shock the world! Let’s break the mold and be willing to display the kind and loving women we were meant to be. It's contagious!

Tip of the Day 

Know that true and lasting peace only comes from God. His intervention in our lives will make everything right in our world. Without Him, difficulties will continue to pile onto each other and we will get lost again. He's there. He has the answers. Let’s not leave him out of our plans, but instead invite him in.

“If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days. . .Search for peace, and work to maintain it” (1 Peter 3:10-11 NLT). 

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” (Romans 8:28 NLT).

Your Best Day

Don't get caught! Keep the momentum going!

Time speeds through our days like river rapids running through a canyon. If we aren't watching the clock, we look up and it’s nearly bedtime, and we haven’t completed all the chores and errands we wanted to get done. Sound familiar? This passage of time happens every single day; we probably know the clock does not stop for anyone. Ever.

Decades have passed for many of us, so what will we do with our lives now? How can we plan to do it differently--to make it better? We have the chance to use the same twenty-four hours in the day as anyone else. It’s tempting to just allow our lives to waste away as some people do. 

But then we would have to deal with the pain, hurt, and confusion of not recognizing the freedom we have been given. Moving forward is an individual decision we each make when the time is right. The challenge is not easy, but it is necessary if we want to survive joyfully in this world. And, yes, we definitely can!

We might ask ourselves just a few questions to get the momentum going. Grab a journal and write these ideas down to think (and dream) about later if that's easier right now:

• What specifically do we want to happen in the next month? Next year?
• What "tools" do we need to get there?
• Do we need to team up with someone who can help?

Right Brain Creativity

The above ideas are just examples. Thankfully, everyone is different, special, and unique. We can each find our own best pathway. Maybe we are naturals at math and could become excellent accountants. If the arts are our thing, perhaps a position at a gallery or museum would make us bloom! 

Maybe we simply want to finish the quilt we started for our daughter or granddaughter. This could also lead to teaching a class in quilting. How many more can you think of? There are endless opportunities.

Some of these women might encourage us:

• Laura Ingalls Wilder published the Little House series at age sixty-four and continued writing until she was seventy-six years old.
• “Grandma Moses,” at age seventy-six, began painting folk art. She continued until she was 101 years old, producing over 1,000 works!
• Susan Boyle began singing professionally for the first time at age forty-eight, winning Britain’s Got Talent show in 2009. She has continued breaking global record sales.

These women are not the exception. They are the ones who never gave up on their dreams! They were not content to come to the end of their lives without demonstrating their purpose and leaving a legacy. There are many like them.

Tip of the Day

Our natural talents and gifts come directly from God, who created us. He created everyone and everything. He created the entire universe! God has a special purpose for each one of us and wants to see us use our gifts. Let’s not sit back while another year speeds by before discovering what possibilities he has in mind for us.

“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?” (Romans 8:31 NLT).

 

What Have We Learned?

Hint: Grab the book with ribbons!

It’s a painful experience to suffer ridicule in our lives (remember Charlie Brown from the comic strip, Peanuts?), no matter how many candles are on the cake this year. Someone intentionally making fun of us, especially cruelly or harshly, catches us off guard. It’s like mistakenly hitting our finger with a hammer. Ouch! The pain is sudden and unexpected. 

There are endless ways people exhibit their brand of hurting others; sometimes it is subtle, and at other times, it’s obvious and offensive. We’ve all had to endure this psychological abuse in our lives if we were ever in a relationship that was going nowhere. We struggled, not knowing at the time what to do about it. Now, we are relieved to finally find ourselves in a better place.

We can pause now and ask ourselves, “What have we learned?” In many cases, inappropriate words--verbal abuse--were forced on us day after day. Maybe we never responded out of fear of making the situation worse. Or perhaps we did react with anger of our own, and that, of course, solved nothing. 

We, of all people (single-again), understand the striking power of words. We now have a decision to make. Are we going to continue this pattern or change it? Like the invalid person in the Bible who was asked by Jesus, Do you want to get well? [emphasis mine] (John 5:6 NIV). Do we want peace in our lives? The truth is, we have the power to change our attitudes, and this is where transformation begins. 

No one willingly wants to take part in repeating such disturbing verbal abuse or physical attack. Only if we have an open mind and a softened heart will we learn from our past. Reversing emotional abuse and improving our outlook is good for our souls and our futures. We are not saying it is easy to make a change. Just that it is important if we want to restore our health. 

There really are no quick or easy answers. Humans have not successfully eliminated the temptation of keeping our mouths quiet for long. We are fascinated with talking and hearing our own voices. We envision ourselves as charming and those who others hang on our every word. We might just have these gifts, but still wrestle with finding the proper way to use them. It takes much practice and possibly using invisible packaging tape over our mouths!

Tip of the Day 

The best solution available is found in the Bible--God’s perfect way to use His Word to communicate with us. If we can admit we are serious about changing past patterns, check these four references and the corresponding subjects:

• Ephesians 4:31-32 - bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, slander
• Proverbs 20:19 - gossiping
• 2 Corinthians 12:20 - quarreling, jealousy, arrogance
• Proverbs 16:28 - being a troublemaker, strife

In the Peanuts comic strip, some say Lucy was the most “mouthy” one. Maybe we should all just claim Snoopy and Woodstock as our best friends–they had thoughts but no “language” to utter!

"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry" (James 1:19 NLT).

Fill a Canyon with Courage

The Grand Canyon is waiting for you!

No matter what stage of life we are in, we need excellent role models and mentors. It’s always good to keep an eye on how other women are improving, encouraging, developing, and growing. Stop and think, who would we pick as the one female (non-relative) who has had the most influence in our lives? It might be the life and accomplishments of someone we learned about in our studies, such as:

• Eleanor Roosevelt used her influential voice as First Lady to speak on the injustice of certain social matters. She was also a strong supporter of African-American rights, even in the 1940s. Eleanor was never elected to office but is still often quoted today as a social reformer.
• Marie Curie was a scientist and the first woman to win a Nobel Prize. She was the only person to be awarded Nobel Prizes in two different science fields! Marie was the first female professor at Sorbonne University in Paris, France. If you think she had nothing else to do, she also refined X-ray imaging. Think about her when you have your next mammogram!

Our own personal female influencer may be a living person. One that we admire for her tenacity and determination amid all the trials and tribulations poured on her like a torrential downpour. Anyone who has ever experienced extreme anger, depression, suicidal thoughts, or even just a day that went from bad to worse would never forget the horrifying story of Joni Eareckson Tada. It will push your doubts and fears to a new level. 

In 1967, when she was just seventeen years old, Joni became a quadriplegic, paralyzed from the shoulders down during a diving accident. We may or may not be able to imagine the many months, even years, of heart-wrenching discouragement and pain--both physical and emotional-- she endured in rehabilitation. 

Did she ever give up? Sure. At first, Joni did just that; she wanted to end it all right there. But she found her strength in her God, who held her up when she didn’t think she could go on, and He gave her the courage to face another day. Within just a few years, Joni learned to paint with a brush between her teeth! With that same method, so far, she has written more than fifty books, including the best-selling Joni, the story of her life. 

Joni has recorded several musical albums, starred in a movie about her life, and is an advocate for the disabled. Was that the conclusion of a “happy-ever-after” story? No, not by any means. In 2010, Joni was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent a mastectomy and chemotherapy. Her courage could fill the Grand Canyon!

Maybe our hero is not famous. Maybe she is the teacher who stayed late time after time just to help us learn the piano. Now we play in concert halls. A coach who showed us a better way to ice skate so we could get into the Olympics. A local businesswoman trained us on how to open our own business. Or the optimistic friend who helped move us to a new home with no questions asked. We all have someone we look up to and want to take lessons from when the next pothole blocks the road.

Because of these women and their accomplishments, we might ask ourselves, What have I done with my days? Instead of living in a state of depression and discouragement, we can review and gain momentum from the lives of women we admire. Autobiographies and biographies fill shelves upon shelves in our libraries, waiting for us to learn from fearless women. We can then begin picking our chins off the floor, packing our bags full of bold-spiritedness, tenacity, and grit, and start something new!

Tip of the Day

It isn’t easy to move on by ourselves. We need only look to our heavenly Father to help us find a place of love and encouragement. He is on our side and already knows our hurts, problems, and challenges. God just wants to hear us ask for His help, as He never wants to force His love on us.

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand" (Isaiah 41:10 NLT).

Yes You Can

It's been an extremely hectic 30 days. Have you ever felt that way? Bet you have!

I'm working on trying to "restore" balance to my life right now and will take a two week break. 

So, meantime, I leave you with this tid-bit to think about that I just read:

"Your life will run more smoothly if you simplify." Hmmm. 

I'll be back soon. I promise!

Tangible Dreams

Time Doesn't Stand Still

How do we find enough hours to get anything done in our ultra-busy, keyboard world? Are we ever satisfied with life and its imperfections? Some of us grew up under a firm hand that required perfection as if it were a prerequisite for Life 101! These daily headaches not only made us stressed, but they also taught us to expect the world, our world, to never fall under a human mistake of any kind, creating a cracked sense of rigidness. 

Later in life, we may have even lived with a spouse who expected the same hypercritical pattern in his wife. All of this craziness produced deep regret and turned us into stressed-out women.

That was then, and this is now. We’ve been given a chance to make all things new. Our lives may still feel like a whirlwind, but feelings can't be trusted. They change from moment to moment, day to day. One day, we “feel” like the blue dress in our closet is perfect for us. The next day, we hate everything about it. We bought a set of new dishes because we were excited about the floral pattern. The next week, the pattern clashed with everything in our kitchen. We “feel” like our neighbor hates us, the next moment, she is our “best” friend. 

What doesn’t change is that we are smart women (we still have the same brain we were born with ) who have been through enough now to know what we do and do not want and deserve. We may not know quite how to get it just yet, but we have ideas running around in our heads.

All of this talk will do nothing unless we try and apply what we have learned. So, let’s get more practical:

• Sit down and start a notebook. Yes, the “old-school” spiral kind--it’s anti-lethargic and a way to get the momentum going. Get all those what-do-I-do-now thoughts out of our heads and onto paper. Every time we think of something that could make life better, write it down, no matter how silly. They will become real ambitions, something we hope to do or achieve. In the process of letting things out that are weighing on our brains, the strain and pressure we’ve been experiencing will stop giving us headaches.
• Get some colorful dividers and label different categories that are important for the future. Examples: Dreams, Designs, and Drawings. Keep it simple, one tab for each. Plans, Patterns, and Projects. Keep going. Have fun with it! Everyone will have widely different subjects, and we can add to it at any time. Whatever matters should have a tab.
• A visual person can cut out photos from magazines and paste them into a notebook. It is like a Pinterest page but in real time! Try not to just rely on the internet. Make it personal and private. A tactile person can draw, paint, color, or have fun with mixed-media pages incorporating fabrics and found objects. By the way, if there are still children at home, show them how to start their own “Dream Notebook.” It’s never too early to get excited!

Now we are on a roll. As this project develops, we will have tangible proof of our dreams and wishes for a better life. It will all make sense, but don’t get overwhelmed by trying to do everything all at once. That would be the perfect ingredient for disaster. Let the ideas in this notebook be a reminder to stay on track until each goal is met one by one. Yes, smart women can make this happen!

Tip of the Day

The best news is that God is on our side. He did not cause us to be so weary and worried. He has a lot to say about how to achieve a life that makes a difference, and living with discontentment is not one of his blessings. 

Making ourselves frantic if the pillowcases don’t get white enough in the laundry will rob us of joy. This is why it is so important to get in touch with God daily. First thing in the morning, while the coffee, tea, or hot chocolate brews, is the perfect time to ask what plans God has for us today. He has the perfect answer!

“What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. ‘Anything is possible if a person believes’” (Mark 9:23 NLT).

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT).

Wiser by the Moment

Where is my phone?

There are days when life travels so fast we rarely make the time to turn our heads for a moment to see where we came from and where we are going. We may hold down a job or work from home, but hours fly faster than we can catch up. And don’t think retired women spend all their time rocking in a chair either. Their lives are just as busy as when they were employed; it’s just the scenery has changed.

One common culprit is the cell phone. With 7.2 billion smartphones worldwide, we can see why. Bet you could guess China is the #1 with 975 million smartphone users. The U.S. is #3 with only 276 million users. Ha! Got you! [Source: explodingtopics.com]

Every now and then, though, it’s a good idea to unplug, slow down, look back, and perform a friendly evaluation of where we have landed. We can build what is called “margin” in our lives by creating specific times of peace and quiet. Really. 

Just get in the habit of turning off all the technology screens (phone, TV, computer, etc) at a certain time each evening. This way, we “power down” our busy day, and our minds begin to relax and get ready to sleep. We can use this time to read (not on a screen, though!), journal, or just listen to quiet music. It is simply amazing how well this works, especially for those of us who deal with excess stress, sleep disorders, or physical limitations. Everyone needs a nightly relaxation period to train the brain to wind down and stop.

If we don’t want a repeat of our past, it’s to our advantage to mentally retrace how far we have traveled and what we have accomplished. There are two ways to compare how we are doing: what didn’t work before and what is working now.

Wide-Eyed Wishing: What Didn’t Work

Many of us were perhaps too young when we married the first time. We didn’t take the time to fully know the one we quickly said, “I do!” to, nor did we even know ourselves yet. We sat down and made a plan to walk down the aisle, but not much more. There was no lifelong plan involving shared responsibilities, decisions, and growth that included both of us. 

Did we talk about how important continuing education was to us, when, how, or if we would start a family, and who would handle the finances? Did we observe his reactions to family get-togethers, holidays, and special occasions? Did we make decisions about careers together? How did he treat not only us but other women in general? And most importantly, did we discuss how our faith, or lack of it, would affect each other? 

The list goes on and on, but were we even aware that we should evaluate those basic life questions before buying the wedding dress? At such a young age, we perhaps lacked the experience needed to deal with and avoid repeated scenes that could cause us damage and destruction. Frankly, we had no idea what we were doing. And because of our innocence, we lost ourselves in a forest of nothingness. We lived a “half-life,” never developing our talents and abilities. Finally, we matured, gained insight, and found the strength we needed to make better decisions.

Wiser Women: What’s Working Now

Learning from past stumbles and falls, we have been able to dust ourselves off and choose better goals and habits, creating a more “fully-developed life.” Our hearts spill over with joy just knowing a whole new way to live is possible; enthusiasm goes a long way in getting us to this point. 

Sure, not every single day goes smoothly, no one said it would. We are human, after all, and this is real life. It gets hard sometimes for all of us living on our own. But we are not alone in this truth when we have each other to lean on. The key is how we respond to all the messiness. 

We each have to decide what that looks like for our own lives, not for our friend’s life, not for our sister’s, mother’s, or aunt’s life, but what positive thing we can do when life gets us down. It’s all about making a wise choice. With all the confidence we now have (and it will increase every day with practice), we know we can survive at least the next twenty-four hours!

Tip of the Day

We need a Guidebook to help us through life. Wiser words have never been spoken than in the first nine chapters of the Book of Proverbs in the Bible. We can use those as an indicator to weigh how our lives are going.

If we haven't quite reached the point where we want our lives to be, studying and meditating on these nurturing words of God will make it very clear what we need to do. Give it a try!

“Wisdom is far more valuable than rubies. Nothing you desire can compare with it” (Proverbs 8:11) NLT.

A Very Good Feeling!

Pulling into the station: a very good feeling!

Receiving any job promotion (paid or volunteer) can be exciting. Whether we advance to lead marketing specialist, data analyst, gardener, head waitress, senior saleswoman, book seller, or software engineer doesn't matter. We are finally being recognized for our ability. 

That is a big deal because it means someone believes in us! We worked hard and long for this day, even though it meant overtime hours in some cases, taking on extra work, and stepping in when no one else would. But we were dedicated and did what we had to do to get the job done. We did it! We arrived like a delayed train, finally pulling into the station, and that’s a very good feeling.

Instinctively, we knew our strength and tenacity would continue to support us in learning additional ways of doing things, understanding policies, and activating programs that fit our advanced position. Our world was rapidly changing. We were asked to supervise other employees and were even given the authority to hire or fire people when necessary. A fresh set of skills was certainly required, but it was all part of the life cycle to become part of a work family.

This applies to our personal, single-again lives too. Our sensible choices, over time, bring us a vote of confidence and encouragement. We could have chosen many different directions or paths, but we made the most appropriate decisions at the time and ended up right where we had hoped. It’s never easy to map out a future and stick with the steps, eventually arriving at a certain destination. 

It takes perseverance, patience, and personality. Rick Warren, the author of The Purpose Driven Life, eloquently narrowed these truths down when he said, “Your character is essentially the sum of your habits.” Wise words, indeed.

So, if we get distracted and sidetracked on our chosen path and never quite arrive, just know that it is never too late to start. It is not the end of the world (yet)! Even if we find ourselves happily single again, watching decades speeding by like a bullet train, we are survivors. We know this is true because of the simple fact that we have made it this far. We still have a brain that works, and we dare not waste it. We all know what they say about muscles that are never used. Ready to begin?

Recommended First Steps for a Fresh Start:

• Start journaling ideas about needs (not wants)
• Use your God-given abilities and talents to get involved
• Get the right education and never stop learning
• Believe in yourself - others will follow
• Keep balance in your life: God, family, and work (in that order)
• Learn to forgive and live in peace with everyone
• Make a difference in someone’s life

Tip of the Day 

God lovingly chose us (we didn’t choose Him) before we were even born to become His daughters. Imagine that! He is the King of all Kings, and therefore, we are His princesses! God offers us a better “position”-a new life- to spend eternity with Him when we leave this earth. 

It isn’t anything we do (we can’t earn His love); it is simply a wonderful gift from Him. It is our choice to accept his offer and enjoy the best life we could imagine as his precious daughters once and for all!

“Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life” (Galatians 6:4-5 MSG).

Imagination Reawakened

Swallowtail Butterfly - never gives up!

We are born with a certain personality- our very own unique and individual nature. Tiny, newborn infants have a special way they coo, laugh, or cry, and no two are alike. After surviving young adulthood and all the “crazies” that accompanied those years, we continued to develop in many different and surprising ways.

 

Looking at our lives today from a different viewpoint, we may discover some persistent habits and even destructive life patterns. They seem to hang on like velcro to fabric no matter what we do. These patterns are the ones that display definite signs of personal sabotage: selfishness, irresponsibility, misplaced pride, and a general lack of compassion and love for others and even for ourselves. 

When we were much younger, we dreamed of what we wanted to become when we grew up, even if our ideas were pure fantasy. Our imaginations went wild! We may have even spent time researching how to make that dream come true. Eventually, though, we allowed ourselves to get distracted without the focus and discipline. Sound familiar?

It is likely that some, if not most of us, had concerned parents who encouraged us to get into the right college or trade school that matched our abilities and talents. Did we listen and complete our education? 

On the other hand, maybe we didn't get the support we needed at home. Dad just wanted us to follow in his footsteps, so why did we need an education? Mom just wanted to see us find the right husbands who could support us for a lifetime. Our achievements and dreams were not celebrated as possible pathways for our life ambitions. No one was in our corner. So we “graduated” with a MOQ degree- Master of Quitting- and we were quite good at it.

Now, many years later, when we get off course and pursue lifestyles, careers, and marriages that were never meant to be, it changes our entire life map. It's as if we are headed down one path and find the road blocked. We are forced to use the detour. Sometimes, we get lost and never get back on the right road. We start going in circles like one of those irksome roundabout traffic patterns! Then we wonder, “What in the world happened?” 

When we look up, we see that our nature was traveling down the wrong road in the first place. No wonder we never got anywhere! We had allowed others to determine our life course because of our lack of confidence. We lost the space needed to grow, create, and find our purpose. We became what others expected and wanted us to become, rather than trusting in our abilities. 

Many other revelations started floating to the surface, and once again, our viewpoint changed. This time for the better. This time to explore, examine, and expand into a beautiful new life full of purpose! The key is never to let it go. And don’t ever, ever give up!

Tip of the Day

After struggling, perhaps for years, to gain control once more of our own lives, we finally reach a point where we suddenly realize our nature was just out of sync with God’s plans for us. He never intended for us to go that way! 

This time, we are turning in the right direction. We seek. We listen. Our spirit is reconnecting to our soul like magnets attracted to each other. We “put on a new nature,” follow the Lord, and the angels dance! Hallelujah! Renewal begins.

“Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him” (Colossians 3:10 NLT).

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing" (1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV).

Garden of Grace

Hydrangeas

One true thing about making plans is that they are unpredictable- they can change instantly! Every one of us has gone through the disappointment of life not working out as expected. More than ever right now in America, we suffer through job layoffs, home loans not approved, our thirteen-year-old car permanently breaks down, and our marriage dissolves like sugar in a glass of iced tea. 

It’s all those learning curves we keep running into. Just as we reach our pinnacle- the mountaintop--life has a way of sending us on another journey. We may be expected to change directions, to suddenly leave without any belongings, or to travel alone.

It just seems easier to close our eyes and resist participating in our future.  Avoidance, however, creates another paradox for us. It provides an escape but is not an answer that solves anything of value for us; it is very much like treating the symptoms but not the cause or illness. When we feel uneasy, nervous, and frightened, it is usually because facing the real cause of the problem is much like being held captive or being addicted to whatever “drug” is available. 

We’re not talking about narcotics here; it could be anything that prevents us from focusing like marathon TV watching (tends to drain the brain, experts say), staying in bed all day, overeating, staying up all night, and not getting enough sleep, or uncontrolled shopping (no one wants to become a hoarder). It could be just about anything that slows us down. When we don’t even know what is going on internally with ourselves, “Evasion” is the monster that controls our lives.

So, once again, we find ourselves planning another way to move along on our path. No one else can do it for us. But, we will find it much easier if we understand that Someone is looking out for us and protecting us from those emotional “monsters.” God gave us another chance to make things right in our lives (He is known as the “God of second chances” for a good reason). He brought us through the mess and to this exact place of opportunity. Believing in him, rather than our schemes and ideas, is called faith. Just trying to understand where we get faith and how it is developed will help us find valuable and useful solutions to our pressing situations. Consider these "seeds":

True vs. False. Over time, we can learn to recognize things people do or say as being either true or false. They can not be both, as we may have thought in the past. We’ll know when our “discernment meter” is back in good working order.

Solid Evidence. Our experiences have taught us who and what to trust and when. Some people are our helpers and encouragers, and some are hindrances and stumbling blocks.

Subject Matter. We can study how faith in God is all about how He loves us and provides for our needs. It’s His promise. The seed he plants sprouts strength and encouragement to help us through each day.

Spiritual Connection. Faith needs a helper. It will wither and die if we try to be the sole “gardener.” God gives us His Holy Spirit, who is our lifelong “Helper.” We can call on Him when we don’t know what to do or where to go. Think of him as the “landscaper” who is there to water and nourish the soil of our mind, body, and soul.

Grace in Bloom. No one plants a garden without expecting blooms of every kind. Look at each positive, faith-filled step we take in our lives as another beautiful blossom of Grace (God’s kindness and mercy on us) to keep us going!

Tip of the Day

Here’s a visual idea: Wouldn’t it be fun to start a bouquet of colorful “paper” blossoms and keep adding to it as we pass another turning point in our journey? The whole object of faith is the belief and trust in our one and only Savior, Jesus Christ. With Him in our lives, we can do anything! It’s a fact. He will make sure we have the strength to see our lives turn around for good. Or we can choose the impossible and remain frustrated and unfulfilled. The beauty lesson: He leaves the decision up to us!

“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible” (Matthew 17:20 NLT).