Seasons of Friendships

Grow Friendships

When an adult friendship reaches a close, our heart goes through various stages of sadness and despair. This may happen if one or the other moves to a different city or state. We almost wish we could pack our bags and follow. Or perhaps it’s a workplace friendship, and one person changes jobs, and we lose contact. Whatever the reason for the door shutting, it wounds our hearts and takes a while to adjust our thinking patterns. Those are friendships that were separated, not by our choice, but by outside events out of our control, such as job promotions, travel, or even a change in marital status.

This week, we are concentrating on the seasons of friendships that once were beneficial, helpful, and enjoyable to both parties, and then they reach a point of simply drifting off in opposite directions. It has happened to all of us at one time or another, and perhaps we did not understand what caused the void. 

Commonly, it is the attraction, ideas, and mutual interests that brought us together in the first place, and they have now served their purpose. Eventually, we understand the separation is all good for both parties. We each had something to give, something to teach, and something to share with the other. We helped each other grow into beautiful women, turning the pages of our story until we endured the bittersweet ending--both the sadness of “letting go” and the happiness of knowing another remarkable human being for a season.

Unlike college or neighborhood friends, where we probably made a few lifelong connections through shared experiences, as mature adults we meet and get to know others mainly through hobbies, activities, or employment. We enjoy meeting and working alongside these friends and sharing thoughts, understandings, and viewpoints about a large variety of subjects. Some of these friendships develop into something more for us as each one gets to know the other more fully outside work or organizations. We form a way to grow together and see each other as valuable for who we are. There’s no competition. It’s a reliable, give-and-take relationship built on honesty and trust. These friendships tend to last for many years!

At other times, we understand not all acquaintances were meant for a “permanent bond” type of arrangement, and that’s okay. The glue just doesn’t hold and serves no purpose after a while. We helped each other accomplish a goal or sorted through a dilemma, as in a co-worker or teammate. The Book of Ecclesiastes says, “There is a time for everything, and a season [author emphasis] for every activity under heaven.” Much like an “annual” plant that lasts for one growing season. We can not expect every link with another adult will turn into something more. And that is understandable. We all know sometimes we “click” with another person, and sometimes we do not have much in common. Please don’t misinterpret this. We all need as many friends as possible. We should count our blessings when a new one enters our lives.

The important part is finding those few friends whom we can encourage and support, and they can do the same in return. As we spend more time together, we discover how to create the best possible friendship with another human being. We can set aside our own needs (at least for a moment), and be interested enough to find out how their life is proceeding, how to pray for their struggles and needs, and enjoy recreational time together. The friendship grows stronger and lasts longer, just like a perennial plant.

So, here is a searching question: what do we know about our friends? We may know the “basics” of what they are all about, but we could challenge ourselves further with these often-ignored subjects that will move a conversation along and help us grow closer to create a bond. 

Tip of the Day

Building friendships may or may not be easy. Some of us may find it quite difficult if we are shy, quiet, or not confident in ourselves. Or we could be that person who never stops talking but dominates every conversation. Wherever we find ourselves on the friendship scale, just know that God made each of us for relationships; to be helpers and encouragers to each other. This is one reason why he created both Adam and Eve. They needed each other. It’s true–we need each other too.

“If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble” (Ecclesiastes 4:10 NLT).

What is Your Message?

Keep adding to your bucket!

You may have heard about this before, but just in case, here's a review. In 2007 Hollywood produced the movie, The Bucket List, which was all at once humorous and insightful. Complete strangers asked themselves if they had accomplished all they wanted to in life before it was too late. They decided they needed a list of things to do that they had never gotten around to doing. This whole concept became very popular for many of us!

Now that we are on the way to reinventing our lives exactly the way we want, we encourage you to start a list of your own. It can be serious, silly, or simple. It might be something you've done before but not in a very long time. Or it might be daring and adventurous (safety first though!). These might seem ridiculous to family and friends. But all that counts is this list is real and important to you--no one else. While you are thinking, let's have some fun.  

Top 9 FSM Bucket Gems

1. Dress up and go out on a Wednesday afternoon for no particular reason.
2. Pick pumpkins at a local family farm. 
3. Paint a piece of furniture poppy pink (try chalk paint, it's easy!)
4. Put on some dance music when it's too quiet.
5. Send yourself flowers.
6. Find two other single-again friends and take a class together.
7. Sleep in the middle of the bed.
8. Eat dessert first before a meal.
9. Save up and buy a beautiful gemstone ring on Valentine's Day.

There are a million more things you can do. Keep thinking and you could create categories of bucket lists for yourself: a Bucket List for. . . home, career, health, travel, kids, budget, adventure, etc etc. You've got the idea. Keep the momentum going! 

Tip of the Day

Speaking of lists we need to get going, a very important one not to skip would be a journal-type list (that means you start it and then keep it going!) Although this one is private and confidential, you'll see it's necessary and meaningful to our lives. 

How many of us wish we could be closer to having a relationship with God? Maybe we have not ever asked the Lord into our lives. Or maybe we have asked Him, but then never continued the journey with Him.

So we need a relationship bucket list as a starting point. This would be a continuous journal entry to add items daily, or weekly, or when ever you need to speak to Him. Here's three items to get started

1. If I haven't already, I need Jesus in my life. Just ask Him.

2. I need a Christian Bible to find out what God wants for me. 

3. We have all sinned, so now is the time to ask Jesus for forgiveness.

For "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved" (Romans 10:13 NLT).

"If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved" (Romans 10:9 NLT).

 

Smiles Are Contagious, Be A Carrier

Happiness comes to everyone eventually!

We can really only laugh about life. That unavoidable season we love to hate is called aging. And yes, it's a real eye-opener when we realize we're old enough for our savings to start paying off!

Survival, mid-life or otherwise, will only come with a good measure of laughter! We all know that no one on this planet has yet been able to stop time, banish the wrinkles, and lift enough skin to make us look 23 again. But people keep trying! 

So, the better choice is to have a sense of humor, because it happens to everyone eventually.

Enjoy a smile with these unexpected blessings about maturity:
1. We can have "lights out" before our college kids even leave on a date.
2. Karaoke is our favorite music with words.
3. We can eat breakfast for dinner and lunch for breakfast.
4. Our grandkids are shocked if we know the identity of One Direction.
5. A good party begins at 7pm and ends at 10pm.

See how many more you can add to this fun list!

It wasn't so long ago that age was honored as one who had gained wisdom through life experiences. Of course, we didn't reach each decade without ever knowing anything, regardless of what the Post-Millennial generation, aka iGeneration, thinks (apparently, those are necessary descriptions since we ran out of the alphabet with the X, Y, and Z Generations). You're still smiling, right?

Tip of the Day

What do you imagine God thinks about all this self-admiration? Quite a lot, matter of fact. One only needs to read the Old Testament to see that vanity isn't just a modern problem. It began way, way back in the Garden of Eden and continued right along into the New Testament and has now caught up to this century.

Among God's descriptions of a wise person, He uses the words humble and understanding, one who invites counsel, and one who fears (respects) the Lord. He is serious about this aging thing!

No matter what our age, from 20s to 40s to 60s and beyond, we can welcome the fact that we belong to Him who IS wisdom. The good news: we can work towards that beautiful goal and help each other along the way, sisters! Heaven waits.

"Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God" 1 Peter 3:3-4 NLT.

What Makes You Comfortable?

Lavendar = Comfort

What is your favorite means of comfort? For many, it is the luxurious, fragrant, deep, warm water of a bath to soak in for hours, especially after a stressful day. A cozy bed with lots of blankets and clean sheets in a cool room can put some (uh-hum, I think I qualify) into deep, relaxing sleep.

To make it even better, my earplugs and a sleep mask are heavenly! Or as the candy companies already know, chocolate is a definite favorite, melting in our mouths. Ice cream too! There are thousands of ways to feel comfort. Some are good and some are detrimental to our health.

As single-again women, sometimes it's difficult to find the comfort and affection we need and long for regularly. So what positive things can we do about it? First, let's stop and remember, we have a brand new life now. It will not be the same as in the past. And that's not always a bad thing, ladies! It's been said that many women are lonelier within their marriages than when they divorce. Huh? Yes, there is a difference between being lonely and being alone. One is positive and one is negative. You know which one is which.

So let's get creative and find what will make us comfortable. Start with our home. Does it need an uplifting, fun color on the walls of some rooms? How about in your bedroom? It's usually suggested to stick with calm, neutral colors or pastels, especially blue. Definitely not bright eye-blinding colors unless you want to stay up all night with the owls. The furniture could be the next thing. Like a deep, comfy sofa that "hugs" you. Yes, yes, I know there are those of you who love leather. I would have to decline on that choice as it is cold in the winter and sweaty hot in the summer. Torture in my book, but heh, smile, it's your choice. Have fun with it all!

Tip of the Day

Aside from all that revamping of your surroundings, which is important, how about the actual physical side? Of course, if you choose, there is dating on the horizon, but I won't get into that since I am definitely not a psychologist. Except to say simply, take care of yourself. You are precious in God's sight, and He loves you. You know what I mean.

I am suggesting you surround yourself with friends and family. People who support your decisions and are not stingy with hugs. Friends who will be there when you are having a bad night to hold your hand while you get used to your fabulous new journey. And if you have children still in the house, you hug them. They will hug back for sure. They will feel loved as much as you.

One thing is for absolute certain. The Bible says God is there to hold your hand anytime you need it; day or night! That's called Comfort with a capital "C." Hang tight, dear one, ask Him and He will reach you with a very strong hand for as long as you need it.

"Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand".
(Psalm 37:24 NLT)

Choosing Our Path

Ready to cycle? Or how about a scooter?

We have just about made it through another year. So while we wait, we can start dreaming about where we want to go in the coming year. No serious plans right now--just a fun peek into the future.

Wheels of any kind--bicycles, motorcycles, scooters, Ferris wheels, roller skates, potters' wheels, and all those planes, trains, and automobiles--have one thing in common and one purpose: momentum. Once they start moving, it's very hard to get them to stop. Sort of like ourselves?

Maybe we didn't choose this life path, and we still feel a little shaky, but our single-again lives are moving whether we want them to or not. The questions are which direction, how fast, and who is at the wheel? If 10mph was the speed we couldn't get past this year, then it's time to step on the gas a bit.

Direction
Where do we want to go in the first place? The wheels are moving, so this is no time to let go! Surely there are things we really want to do with our lives. Maybe a new job that will fit our gifts and talents. It could be finding a better place to live or even moving to a town/city we have always loved. Anything is possible! Just ask God.

Speed
Is the time now? Or will it take six months to prepare? We may need to map out how fast we can get to our dream place. We could even take a vacation to that new town and check out a place to live and a job. "Two birds with one stone" we might say!

Control
"It's never too late to be what you might have been". (T. S. Eliot, American Poet)

Maybe we begin a new season by jotting down plans in a journal. When we see it on paper, it becomes real. Attainable. Possible. We might register for that upcoming class. We can ask for that job promotion. Now is the time to stick our necks out for our dreams once and for all. We don't look back.

Tip of the Day

Being single-again, we are responsible for not only ourselves, but our children too, if we have them. No one else is going to do this for us (nor would we want them to). Only when we rely on God and try, are we going to arrive at a point of accomplishment which builds our confidence so we can do even more.

God is watching. He knows where we are going and is ready to help us at any time. Just ask. 

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20 NLT).

Consistent Steps Will Get You There

It's a must. We have to take care of ourselves now more than ever. That's if we don't want to see a "hag" in the mirror one morning and scare ourselves half to death. It's especially important if we have children at home yet to take care of. Otherwise, we may find them eating from the family pet's food bowl! 

Here's the question: how do we gain the strength we lost while dealing with re-inventing our lives? Being physically exhausted and emotionally fatigued prevents us from living to our fullest capacity. And it only lines the pockets of our doctors (sorry, physicians, aren't you always telling us "Take care, now" as we go out the door?)

Not feeling our very best blocks us from doing what we need and want to do to survive. Don't you have some new plans now for yourself? I mean, think about it, you don't want to repeat what you went through in the past, do you? Of course not, because all the dreams you had while still married can now be fulfilled to perfection--no one is holding you back. Yeah, world! I can do this.    

Feeling down all the time and not caring to get back up also keeps us from creating the abundant joy we crave. I'm not saying it all needs to be done at once. Being drained requires that we take small and specific, but consistent, steps on the road to recovery. 

We can help no one else until we take care of our physical selves. This is not a selfish thing! We need the energy to get to tomorrow. We’ve heard it before--participate in a good nutrition plan, regular exercise, and even fun and exciting ways to pamper ourselves. Those are the first building blocks to physical and emotional health. The way in which we do it, or not (I hate exercise but love the pampering), will be different for each one of us. And at a different pace. Whatever you feel you can do at the moment is the right step for you. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Just keep the momentum going!  

Tip of the Day

Our spiritual well-being is an even more important connection to wholeness. Without this support, nothing else in our life will work properly. No worries, though, because the Lord provides the necessary solid rock to grab onto when we feel we will fall. He is the Rock, solid as can be. Remember that a home built on sand will not stand. 

He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken (Psalm 62:2 NLT). 

TGIT

Did you guess the title of this episode? Nope! This isn't a message about any kind of drugs. This is going to be a TGIT kind of fun!

Since the weekend will be here before we know it, let's start thinking about how much enjoyment we are getting out of life right now. We already know spending day after day in front of a TV is not healthy (it eats up brain cells) and is definitely discouraging.

We have the freedom now; what can we do to increase our purpose and fun? How do we meet new friends? Where is our creativity? Are we setting a good example for our kids and other single friends, and family?

The key? Finding a life-hobby is the best answer to so many dilemmas. If you are feeling bored, depressed, lonely, sad, lacking friends (of either gender), or experiencing fatigue, the solution is to get moving and stay engaged with life! It's simply up to you. It only takes 21 days to create a new habit. You can do this!

Grab a notebook/pen, use your five senses and start adding activities you've been missing out on to this list. Most even have clubs/groups to join (the friend aspect):

• Smell - Nature: gardening, visiting parks/sights, hiking, jogging, cycling
• Taste - Cooking, baking, ethnic dishes, salads, sides, desserts; Volunteer idea: soup kitchen
• Sound - Musical, learning an instrument, dancing, attending concerts, friends of the symphony; Volunteer idea: join worship band at church
• Touch - Games, board games, playing cards, chess/checkers, puzzles; Volunteer idea: senior center
• Sight - Library, reading/book clubs, computers, classes, book sales, books, DVDs, audio; Volunteer idea: children's hour

How would you answer this question at your next friendly gathering:"So, what do you do for fun?"

Tip of the Day

Do you own a Bible? You'd be amazed at how many subjects, tips, suggestions, prayers, stories, etc are included in the pages. You can go online and purchase one, or any Christian church will be glad to offer one to you for free! 

"And now, dear...sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
Keep putting into practice all you learned...Then the God of peace will be with you" (Philippians 4:8-9 NLT).

Souls on Fire

Ready to catch your soul on fire?

There are many, many ways to move in and out of our world; to bring the positives back into our lives. But we'll need to limit it to just a few and build on that as we run into the next chapter with all the joy we deserve. One thing is certain: life never stands still. No, not for anyone. If this has been a year of mishaps, misgivings, and missed opportunities, it's time to set our "souls on fire!"   

There are five easy ways to get our momentum back! Ready? Just think of the word Grace as an acronym. Grace is simply receiving the gifts of favor and kindness from a loving God who believes us to be deserving of all of His blessings.  

Grateful thoughts - every single day brings enough to be thankful about to fill an ocean. Sunrises, lattes, children's laughter, our health and safety, friends, books, gardens, hugs, pets, music, God's creation, and most importantly, His promise of heaven for all eternity. (Psalm 105:1)

Refreshing efforts - along with that sunrise, if we get outdoors each day and breathe in and out, our health can't help but improve in amazing ways. Then we will naturally want to eat healthy and move our bodies, too. Our energy level will soar! Our outlook will change in remarkable ways. (Psalm 147:8)

Abiding attitudes - regaining our happiness is major for ourselves and those around us! We can choose to live in bitterness and an unforgiving environment, but we will never be happy. We can't have it both ways. Once mistakes are learned, our unhappy past has no purpose whatsoever. Today is all we are promised. Not tomorrow, not next week, nor next year. Today is the present. Live in it! (2 Thessalonians 3:16)

Calm temperaments - to regain a sense of who we are meant to be is to find out and practice ways to remain calm and composed. This is easier for some women than others. Only you know you. A common cause of staying upset all the time, full of anxiety, and living in depression is harboring and entertaining worries consistently. God never wants that for us! (Matthew 6:25-32)

Expressing love - "Let me count the ways!" Nothing will move us faster into God's will than spilling the very best of ourselves into the lives of others. Just a simple smile can do it. Laughter and a hug upon seeing a friend (without complaining about our lives) can fill both of us. Give love. Get love. (2 John 1:6)         

Tip of the Day
So, if we truly want a better life full of love, laughter, meaning, and purpose, it's up to us. There is no one else walking on the face of this earth who will do it for us. However, we most certainly have Someone on our side 24-7. Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior? He's there, waiting. Using your own words, just let Him know you are ready to make that decision. 

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago" (Ephesians 2:10 NLT).

  

Shattered into Pieces

Shattered & Broken

It's absolutely no picnic at all to lose someone. It hurts. It's heartbreaking. And it's even embarrassing. We put ourselves out there. We put our trust in the one we loved with all our hearts. We walked down the aisle and made a vow.

Amazingly, the trust was broken without a thought behind it. Shattered into pieces. We did our best to repair the damage. He walked out anyway. The tears have filled a dam--there are none left! Now we grab on, hold on, and move on with all the courage and strength we can find while the wounds heal. Sound familiar?

We often have to ask, ‘Now who can I trust?’ It seems the answer is ‘No one.’ We don't dare do that again, right? But we know that all human beings are filled with flaws. Even us. Sometimes, people we trust do things to ruin that trust in amazing, surprising, and hurtful ways. Even scary ways.

There is no doubt about it. It is extremely difficult to regain a measure of trust once someone has devastated our world. What do we do about it? How do we get on the right track again? Do we run down the street screaming over the dishonesty and selfishness, or do we set responsible boundaries for the next time we're in a relationship? What about our own excuses? Didn't we have some part in this drama? There are many lessons to learn here. It will take time. One thing is for sure: if we don't learn the lessons now, it will certainly happen again.

Lessons at the Top
This is where we discover we can only do so much on our own. We can begin a new life. Check. We can make new friends. Check. We can join a gym and get into shape. Check. We can get a new job if we want. Check. It's just like any new wilderness adventure. What we really need is a Guide to show us the way through the valleys to the mountaintop. A Teacher who can connect with us and give us a desire for the real truth. And a Friend who knows the life that will save us from ourselves.
He gets us!

Tip of the Day

The only One who can do all this is our Lord and Savior, Jesus. He gets us! We can go to Him and really talk about the betrayal, hurt, and sorrow. It's O.K., He's been there. And it's not just about all the overwhelming events that have occurred; He knows about our most treasured dreams, too. Thankfully, we can safely place our total trust in Him like no other. His promise is that He will never ever, ever, ever leave us! He loves us that much, inside and out.

Listen! Do you hear your Counselor knocking at your door?
"Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends." Revelation 3:20 NLT.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 NLT.

Who is the Best Architect?

Build a house on solid rock

The oldest timber frame house in America, the Fairbanks House, built in the year 1637 in Dedham, Massachusetts, still stands after 388 years! Generations upon generations of kids chasing up and down the hallways, big messy spills in the kitchen, skid marks on the wooden floors, broken windows, annoying roof leaks, and plumbing and heating issues; yet, it still stands (now a historic house museum)!

What amazing construction and solid foundation began endless chapters of this story that would stand through births, celebrations, marriages, and yes, divorces. There were not even any home improvement stores down the street. The original owner/architect surely required the workers/builders to listen to his direction and wise expertise. The result remains!

Whether it is a townhouse, condominium, mansion, ranch home, apartment, or mobile home, attempting to build our unique abode--our safety zone--without the correct tools, materials, and know-how will quickly shake our foundation like a six-point-three earthquake! 

We naturally want our new life to stand on its own for a very long time. Think of a brick home built on solid rock rather than unpredictable sand. We are not speaking of the physical building we choose to live in, but rather how we build, secure, and protect our future. A bright and desirable future.

We start by putting some effort into discovering what went wrong in our past so that we prevent repeating the same mistakes. Another marriage may be what some of us eventually want, but none of us want the same scene, identical arguments, or the hurt and pain that comes with unfaithfulness and certainly not abuse of any kind. 

Scrutiny will give us insight into how to re-adjust and improve our thinking and actions in any new relationship. This is not a “blame and shame” game. There is no room for that here. This is an honest look at the original “blueprint” of our life that appeared perfect during “construction,” but contained hidden cracks and imperfect design right from the beginning.

Many of us will do ourselves a favor by seeking out a licensed therapist to talk through the issues that are dragging us down. But to simply prepare for such a meeting or to get us thinking on the right track, we can begin asking ourselves some hard, but important questions. The answers must come from our own frank, open, and sincere observations. Without spending time finding answers to some questions, the “new” home we are trying to build will mysteriously feel just like the “old” home.

Give yourself plenty of  time. Maybe jot down just one question and answer per day in a journal. Then add more thoughts as issues become apparent. Remember, no one will see these pages unless we choose to show them. This is just a way to examine ourselves and get to the bottom of the mire.

These are by no means all the issues to consider when thinking about another relationship. We are smart women and now know what we need in a relationship, and what we don’t. How we get the relationship God intends for us will require caution, personal examination, and daily conversation with God.

Tip of the Day

God (our Best Architect) wisely advises us to listen to him and follow his direction, especially in relationships. He asks this of us so that we will remain protected under his loving hand and so that we will have adequate shelter from the storms of life that threaten to destroy us. The best blueprint for our home on earth is recorded in the chapters between Genesis through Revelation in the Holy Bible. Be sure to check this none-like-it “Answer Book” when completing your journal.

“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash” (Matthew 7:24-27 NL T).

Strong Woman: Yes, You!

Go ahead, try it!

Let's face it. No beating around the bush. Once we become single again, most likely we will need to either find an alternative income source or a regular job leading to a great career. Even if we have all the money we need, sitting around with nothing to do is boring, unproductive, and detrimental to our social life! Just remember what Oscar Wilde, the famous Irish poet and playwright, once said, “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” This might be the perfect quote to hang up where we can see it every day!

Five “Strong Woman” Clues to a Better Life

• Our health and happiness will blossom with the right job or career
• Taking the risk to improve our position will energize us
• Relationships on the job create friendships with those in the same situation
• We will establish ways to find new interests, hobbies, and opportunities

The Wrong Thing at the Right Time

All of this searching may seem scary at first, like looking over the edge of a skyscraper. We may just want to curl up or disappear, but eventually, we will have to face the world again. The good thing is that once we step out on our own, it gets easier and easier to find our freedom. It’s all about choosing a life of love and joy and putting one foot in front of the other. Don’t just take a job because it’s there. That’s a mistake made by many, many women, and it turns them into bitter and resentful people. It’s the wrong thing at the right time.

Some of us are planners from way back. We like the wonderful feeling of things running smoothly--it’s like the taste of a soft-serve ice cream cone. Life is yummy! Organizing is at the top of our list because we hate not being able to find things when we need something. Some of us are not in that camp! Deep down, we like the excitement and constant flow of adrenaline, but, admittedly, we could probably use the help of a professional organizing team to dig us out of the mess.

Tip of the Day

We realize rather quickly, trying to do life alone was never meant for us humans. Yes, it is hard. Harder than we ever knew it would be as a single-again woman. No one said it would be all roses and chocolates. However, if we stop and take a breath, we’ll find out that this adversity in our lives is exactly how our faith can grow. Part of that growth step is recognizing there are all sorts of support groups, counselors, church groups, and best friends to call on when we are depressed and despondent. There is no need to stay in the house and allow our feelings to overwhelm and convince us to give up. That is never a solution to anything.

So what is the very best answer for each one of us? It’s accepting the One who cares about us more than anyone could ever imagine. God knows what we need (not want) the most and what our future is all about. God created us, so of course, he knows all our hurts, pains, frustrations, and depressions. He sees our story on the “Big Screen” from beginning to end. Whereas, we can only look at our life through a narrow lens one day at a time. Otherwise, it would be too overwhelming because he has so many good and wonderful things planned for us. God is willing to direct our steps until we reach his ideal for our perfect life. Our part is just to cooperate!

“Commit your actions to the LORD, and your plans will succeed” (Proverbs 16:3 NLT).

Big Makeover

Taking a risky turn in life is pretty common, wouldn't you agree? The truth is, it's never too late to make changes for the better. Some improvements are fairly easy to make like taking classes elsewhere. Or getting our hair re-styled. Relocating from one city to another might take more planning and daring, but it can be done. 

We wouldn't sit in front of our mirrors and apply makeup without knowing what we are doing. Likewise, we need to find out what we really want to do now that we are single-again. It doesn’t matter if we are twenty-two, forty-two, or seventy-two. If we haven’t achieved our dream, we still have decisions to make. 

So, we can get serious and make a plan for the “big makeover.” One thing we don't want to do is nothing, as it traps us in that big, dark "hole" we fell into long ago. It's time to admit now that many years have gone by and nothing has happened in our little brains. C. P. Sennett, the author and multi-award-winning business owner, once said, "If nothing changes, then nothing changes.”

Instead of regretting our procrastination--and never accomplishing our dreams–we recognize each day as a new beginning. It’s a fresh start. It holds another twenty-four hours of opportunity. It contains numerous possibilities we haven't even thought of yet. Remember, it's never too late to begin again as long as we don't give up! Quitting has never accomplished anything; it only gives the next woman in line a chance. 

Further, nothing says we can't do it on our own as women either. Sure, we know about the founders of some of the largest software/tech companies. But plenty of women have had their multi-million dollar successes. Of course, not without hard work.

Cultivating Ideas and Learning by Example

Imagine how some of the most successful women have been examples to all of us. There are so many we can barely name all of them. Here are just a few for you to consider:

• Arianna Huffington, co-founder and former editor-in-chief of the news website HuffPost (my favorite).
• Michelle Rhee, American Educator. Founded StudentsFirst, a non-profit organization for education reform.
• Three women listed among the top 20 Christian women who shaped history: Florence Nightingale, Susan B. Anthony, and Evangeline Cory Booth

All of these women are good examples for us to follow. Get to the library  and check out their biographies because we are all winners!   

Tip of the Day

What special idea is on your horizon? It can be absolutely anything we choose. Something that will fill us with joy and contentment. Only God knows what is right for our lives. Having a Guide to help us along the way, however, will make our dreams come alive. God created us inside and out with a unique purpose. He even created that horizon way out there that contains our dreams. 

The best part is the “Helper” God left for us to figure it all out! He will motivate, watch over us, supply endless direction, and give us the encouragement we’ll need to move forward. His name is the Holy Spirit and he lives inside our hearts forever once we ask Jesus to be our Savior. How could we possibly go wrong?

“No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it [yet], but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead” (Philippians 3:13 NLT)

Can't Get There from Here

Not too late to plant currants!

Have you noticed? Summer arrived a little too soon this year, and the kids couldn't wait to jump in a pool somewhere! However, not everyone enjoys the heat of summer days, sweating through the humidity and hoping our hair won’t wilt, slathering on suntan lotion with an SPF higher than the outside temperature, and slapping away pesky flying and crawling critters! And now, the “dog days” of summer are nearly over. 

When we think about what's next, many people have no reason to whine about the fall with all its fascinating colors and familiar smells. Falling leaves, pumpkin farms, corn mazes, great food, and harvest activities bring us right into the Christmas season. 

It takes a few of these seasons to figure out how to navigate brand-new traditions as single-again women. But let’s set aside the fluff talk for now; this is reality. One unvarnished truth to realize right away: there is life after we go our separate ways! Yet, time does not stand still for us, so at this point, we may ask, why is it, then, so hard? 

The key many of us forget is that this new life is not our old life (thankfully), nor should we expect it to be the same. It's just different, that's all. And, although scary at times, different can be enjoyable, beautiful, and delightful depending on how much effort we put into it. Think of all the times we’ve dreamed of doing things differently, but couldn’t for one reason or another. Now is our chance!

Hopefully, we are now anxious to start creating new memories. It’s all up to us. So let’s have a little fun. First, go to an office supply store and get a new, colorful twelve or sixteen-month calendar (hint: it's depressing to look at an old calendar!) Yes, we all know a digital calendar on our smartphone or tablet is convenient, but it can’t be compared to the uplifting benefits of a visual calendar. You’ll see.

Fill it not only with family birthdays and occasions but, more to the point, with all the new, fun things to do for the upcoming year. When does that college class in creative writing begin? When and where is the best ski trip with friends taking place? Who are you planning on visiting in the summer? What is the best time to plant roses? Plan as many enjoyable days as possible; those thirty or thirty-one little boxes need to come alive!

Perhaps the most important time to prepare for is the major holidays. Remember, being different is a good thing. Who says we have to keep all the old decorations around? Try donating it all to charity and start fresh. Go from all green and red (if that’s how it’s been for years) to gold and white, or all silver and woodsy. Move the furniture around and leave it permanently that way after the holidays. If none of this sounds fun, forget it all and go on a holiday cruise with another single friend to a tropical island (don’t forget to put it on your visual calendar). And smile!

Speaking of friends, this is the season of our lives that making new acquaintances is the best thing we can do for ourselves. No big commitment, just a way to be a friend to get a friend. Sitting in the house alone day after day will get us nowhere fast! Amazingly, it won’t be long before we find others with the same single lifestyle (and we are not talking about “singles clubs” either). We can begin to share ideas and similar activities and go to new places with others. One clue: avoid familiar places from the past. That’s just asking for trouble. 

There are just so many ways to create joy and peace in our lives throughout the year. We are powerful women with gifts, abilities, and talents. Using these to our greatest advantage will fill us with all the love we desire from others, for others, and ourselves.

Tip of the Day

Finally, be grateful for new beginnings. As time passes from year to year, we will be able to look around and see where we have been and where new adventures are bringing us. We never need to do this life alone, either. We have a Spiritual Helper--our Lord Jesus--that we can call on to give us all the support we will ever need!

“Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything--and I do mean everything--connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life--a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you” (Ephesians 4:23-24 The Message).

Once a Mom, Always a Mom

Innocent, quiet for now! Enjoy!

Moms of toddlers, teens, and everything in between can chuckle and nod knowingly when we say, "It was so much easier when they were innocent, quiet babies!" But we know that was when we had some measure of control over our children. Now it's non-stop chatter, running, jumping, and wrestling with siblings. Where, oh where, do they get all that energy? we often question.

We celebrate moms because someone once said, “Once a mom, always a mom” which, of course, is so very true. [*Please note that we are including every mom who has given birth at some time in their lives. Even if the child is in the arms of Jesus right now or being raised by another family (for whatever reason), we recognize the heartfelt love of this birth mom.] 

We have spent sleepless nights with a crying baby, had to rush over to talk with the school principal about yet another incident, and waited up to all hours when our teen missed curfew. But we still love our children dearly and wouldn't exchange them, even if we could. Our primary responsibility as parents is to guide and direct our children's steps, which can become a problem in itself. 

Of course, this doesn't come without some struggles and difficulties. The steps and stages we go through with motherhood will forever be in our minds. Who does not have one or even two baby books to mark every occasion with a wisp of hair or the first tooth? Plenty of photos at birthday parties, holidays, and everyday outings at the playground. Eventually, though, this becomes increasingly difficult as we have a second, third, or fourth child (how many is that, you say?). 

How do some moms make it look so easy? Look is the keyword here. Certainly, I am not an expert on this subject, but I did raise two boys. One thing I know, it is advisable to search for what the experts say about parenting and to stay informed on the subject. Even just a quick search on the internet will yield so many resources that we would need several thumb drives to save them all into a digital library. Just be sure to verify credentials and save only reliable and well-known child experts, such as WebMD, Parents (they have an entire family of magazines), and Focus on the Family, to name but a few.

Raising healthy and well-adjusted children requires more than an ounce of gentleness, patience, and self-control on our part. No doubt about it, no matter their age! For example, when children live with a harsh or violent parent, they will likely learn to be harsh and violent to some degree. And the opposite is also true. Developing a kind and quiet nature ourselves will go far in modeling what we may want to see in our grown children someday. 

If we are simply looking for ways to improve our parenting skills (and who isn't?), the following four tips for maintaining sanity should get the ball rolling:

• Join a mom's group such as MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers at mops.org) 
• Best book in print is: Boundaries With Kids by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
• Raise children in a Christian home and church where they can grow, learn, and play
• Best Power Source: prayer, prayer, and more prayer for ourselves and our children! (Philippians 4:6a NLT).

Tip of the Day 

One of the best examples of love and kindness towards children was demonstrated by Jesus himself. True, He was not a mom! But because He is God, He is our heavenly Father. So He knows the feeling when we wonder about doing all we can for our child. He can be our very best Friend in our most important role. We can make sure to include Him in all our ways and days!

“But Jesus said, ‘Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.’ And he placed his hands on their heads and blessed them before he left” (Matthew 19:14-15 NLT).

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6 NIV).

TIME

TIME IS ALL WE HAVE!

SO DON'T FORGET TO TAKE BREAKS LIKE 

THIS BLOG IS TAKING THE REST OF 

THIS MONTH!

WE WILL BE BACK ON AUGUST 5TH!

Beautiful Reflections

Kaleidoscope: endless reflections 

When we were in high school or college, there were always some science teachers who had a way of making things especially interesting. God bless those teachers who continue to have that kind of passion! One time it was a lesson on reflective surfaces. What made that demonstration so interesting was creating a favorite type of toy: the kaleidoscope. 

Ordinary objects like beads, glass, and buttons, along with mirrors and angles, created beautiful pictures inside a tube when held up to the light. And none of the colorful designs were ever the same twice. Understandably, to this day, kaleidoscopes are popular for both kids and adults alike. The lack of duplication in the design is precisely how each one of us is made: individually awesome with unique characteristics.

However, there are specific times in our lives when we do not feel so wonderful or powerful. Certainly, living through a marital break-up or the loss of a spouse caused all sorts of unpleasant feelings to surface, sometimes all at once. We thought we were never going to feel good about ourselves again. 

Especially if it was a first marriage or a long marriage, we may have believed we just couldn’t make it on our own. We didn’t have enough of anything. Not enough know-how. Not enough money. Not enough looks, education, or a home. Not enough of the one hundred other things we could think up. Does this sound like anyone we know? 

That is how twisted our minds can get when we are under stress, can not think, and don’t even understand ourselves, never mind the other person. But it is of utmost importance to remember that we were created to be wonderful women and therefore, we still are wonderful, powerful, and enough in every way--no one can take that away from us!

Even if the person we lived with never appreciated our true beauty, talents, or gifts, who says we have to accept that lack of vision? We have a chance to shatter any distorted image of ourselves by recognizing:

• Our value is not dependent on another person. On this earth, only you can know you. With that kind of power, we can achieve more than we ever have before. We can go as far as we can imagine. Begin by enjoying just the next twenty-four hours. And then the next, and then. . .
• One person can never change another person. We can only change our response to that person. It is a difficult habit to break, but realizing how hard it is to simply correct our own imperfections leaves us no room to go when we try imposing our standards on others.
• Nothing and no one can ever make God turn His back on us. Not even ourselves. The good news is no matter what we have done or how we lived or didn’t live our past lives, He accepts us unconditionally with loving arms. He loves us. Period. We are His precious daughters!

Time to go out now and buy a kaleidoscope to celebrate our beautiful and powerful form! [p.s. that's the word that means beautiful form to see in Greek.] 

Tip of the Day

This is important to remember: No power in heaven or earth can cut us off from God's love. Once we ask the Lord into our hearts, He is there forever. He is there to guide us. He is there to protect us. He is there to provide for us. He is there. Always.

So now that we are settled into correct thinking and on our own, we can do our souls good by drawing near to God and preparing for heaven (our permanent home) while on earth. Nothing will give us more faith, hope, and confidence in knowing that "in all things God works for the good of those who love Him."

“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?” (Romans 8:31 NLT).

Did You Lose Your Key?

Where will your key fit?

Nowhere does it say that just because a person attends college, she becomes wiser than anyone else. Certainly, higher education is an admirable goal and one that should seriously be considered, no matter what age we are! Hopefully, we are now anxious to choose or finish the better aspects of higher education. 

Sound like a plan? Before we realize it, four years can disappear faster than a hummingbird. It’s all about balance and choices that propel us in the right direction. A press release by CareerBuilder once stated in a title, “One-Third of College-Educated Workers Do Not Work in Occupations Related to Their College Major. Thirty-six Percent Wish They Majored in Something Different.” There's a hint to start a little research!

If we feel stuck finding our specific niche in life, then it may require some honest soul-searching. Fear, a major cause of procrastination, normally is the culprit that holds us back. But once we discover the key to our dreams, any amount of time spent on educating ourselves and then working in our chosen field is all joy. Try starting with these seven key questions:

• What particular activity can cause you to lose track of time?
• What books, magazines, or online articles do you find yourself reading?
• What do people compliment you on as “your gift?”
• Did your younger self have a dream that was never realized?
• If you have a degree, how could you now use it in a new field?
• If you are retired, how could you use your skills as a volunteer?
• If money wasn’t an issue, what would you do with the rest of your life?

Tip of the Day

We don’t need to feel alone in this exciting adventure. We are not alone. Even before we were born, in our mother’s womb, God already had a perfect plan designed for each one of us. That’s His special niche! He’s been preparing us to jump in with all the courage and strength we can find. 

God is anxious to give us plenty of wisdom to see all our dreams come true, especially now that we are on our own. All we have to do is let Him know we are ready and willing to move ahead with Him in the driver’s seat. Get ready, Graduation Day is coming!

“But if any of you needs wisdom, you should ask God for it. He is generous to everyone and will give you wisdom without criticizing you” (James 1:5 NCV).

Looking for the Price Tag

First task of the day creates "wisdom"! 

Just a bit of trivia today. In 2018, the "highest auction price in Sotheby's [world's largest broker of fine art] history" was for the sale of artist "Amedeo Modigliani's [painting] Nu Couche' for $157.2 million." [www.sothebys.com] 

Material objects can be passed down as an investment in a person’s will, but one thing remains a fact: no one can take possessions with them when they die. We came into the world with nothing, and we will leave with nothing. 

However, people have been buried with certain so-called “treasures” in their graves. John F. Kennedy collected scrimshaw (ivory engraved with pictures and designs) and one piece was placed in his coffin along with his gold cufflinks, among other things; Frank Sinatra was buried with a bottle of Jack Daniel’s whiskey and a pack of Camel cigarettes; and Bob Marley had his red Gibson Les Paul guitar and a Bible placed with him when he died. [smithsonianmag.com] 

What's Going On?

Much, much more valuable to us during our lifetimes is gaining wisdom, or we can think of it as “becoming wise,” not an easy thing to do for any of us! Without it, we can exhibit a lack of common sense and become prone to all sorts of foolish activities destroying our lives in the process. [One of the best descriptions of wisdom is found in the Bible. See the book of Proverbs 2:1-15]

We can feel good, really good, that in literature, as well as the Bible (i.e., Proverbs 8:1-36), Wisdom is portrayed as a woman--”the one who instructs.” [Zondervan Handbook to the Bible, 1999, pg 395]. We sense you teachers out there already knew this, right?  

But how would we put a “price tag” on wisdom? Or could we? Yes, it is a valuable commodity that bolsters human nature and our relationships. But it is not a monetary matter. It can be said that once we have it, and know how to use it, we will always have it. So which could we say is more valuable, money or wisdom? 

There is nothing worth more than having a sense of wisdom. Without it, we have nothing else to fall back on and no one to trust. We have no foundation for goodness to grow, nowhere for truth to live. We can hold onto it, add to it, and take it with us wherever we go.

Tip of the Day

God knew from the beginning that we would need wisdom in our lives every single day. His generosity offers this priceless gift to us for the taking. It’s already inside of us, lying dormant. All we need to do is ask God daily to “turn the faucet on,” so wisdom will flow into us through His Holy Spirit (a special “Helper” being given to us). No need to bring your credit card--it costs nothing!

“Wisdom is more precious than rubies. Nothing you could want is equal to it” (Proverbs 8:11 NCV).

Time to Soak Up the Sunshine!

Sunshine waiting for you!

When we want to do something fun and exhilarating, housekeeping is probably the last thing we would think of doing. Of course, the “dust bunnies” regularly pile up on or under every surface in our home. The floors call out to us to give them a clean shine. Windows want to sparkle. Unfortunately, the cleaning must be done! 

One task–changing sheets on a bed--should be one of the easier weekly chores. Yet, for some reason, it can become a major struggle especially if we have to get behind a queen-sized bed surrounded by three walls in a tiny bedroom. Such an ordeal has the potential for a touchy anger issue to raise its ugly head. 

We allow ourselves to explode and overreact at even the smallest things that invade our lives. We reach out and grab a bottle of detergent with a loose cap to wash the next load of clothes and immediately drop and spill the sticky liquid contents all over the floor. Yikes! 

So what is going on? Sometimes, it is simple frustration or fear about our circumstances that turns a good day into an anxiety-filled boiling pot. Maybe we didn't get enough sleep last night. Or, perhaps, we don’t even have a consistent sleep schedule which then wreaks havoc with anything we are trying to get done. Everything we have to go through alone seems overwhelming. We have no one to lean on, no one to talk to, and no one who can help us overcome all of our sticky problems. 

Yet, deep down inside, we know what we need the most. We need love (we are not speaking at this moment about sexual intimacy). We need someone to say "It is okay, let me do that for you." What a refreshing thought. We could at least take a deep breath and a needed break and call a friend for a short chat. She might need it just as much as we do. 

There are all forms of love to give and receive and they don’t always require an intimate partner. What we are alluding to here is the kind of deep relationships we crave with others--friends and family--that we can add into our lives. How?

Well, building friendships takes time and effort, so maybe we just have to face the fact, the sheets can wait until tomorrow. The dusting is for another day when we are calmer. Now is the time to step outside, soak up the sunshine (defeats depression by the way), and invite a friend for a cup of coffee/favorite treat.  

God created many, many beautiful things for us including aspen trees, snow-capped mountains, gentle ocean waves, evergreens, and fields of wheat swaying in the breeze. The list is so long, we could fill numerous volumes of gratitude journals. Go ahead and start one now!

We can literally grow into love. Think about that for a minute. Although we may not have an intimate, physical touch at this moment in our private lives, we can still seek appropriate love from others just by being involved and helping someone else to meet a need. 

We grow into that kind of love because love requires at least two people. Two friends. Two siblings. Two neighbors. Two starts the snowball rolling in our direction. Recently on a Sunday morning, someone at church said, “I became a Greeter because I need hugs.” Watch out! Love is rolling our way!

Tip of the Day 

Getting involved regularly with a local church, neighborhood school, hospital, or the many community organizations that seek volunteers will fill us with more love than we could ever imagine! It’s very difficult to stay angry or depressed with our life situations when love is given and received in this way. It was God’s simple plan from the very beginning: give love, get love. It does work!

“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony” (Colossians 3:14 NLT).