Garden of Grace

Hydrangeas

One true thing about making plans is that they are unpredictable- they can change instantly! Every one of us has gone through the disappointment of life not working out as expected. More than ever right now in America, we suffer through job layoffs, home loans not approved, our thirteen-year-old car permanently breaks down, and our marriage dissolves like sugar in a glass of iced tea. 

It’s all those learning curves we keep running into. Just as we reach our pinnacle- the mountaintop--life has a way of sending us on another journey. We may be expected to change directions, to suddenly leave without any belongings, or to travel alone.

It just seems easier to close our eyes and resist participating in our future.  Avoidance, however, creates another paradox for us. It provides an escape but is not an answer that solves anything of value for us; it is very much like treating the symptoms but not the cause or illness. When we feel uneasy, nervous, and frightened, it is usually because facing the real cause of the problem is much like being held captive or being addicted to whatever “drug” is available. 

We’re not talking about narcotics here; it could be anything that prevents us from focusing like marathon TV watching (tends to drain the brain, experts say), staying in bed all day, overeating, staying up all night, and not getting enough sleep, or uncontrolled shopping (no one wants to become a hoarder). It could be just about anything that slows us down. When we don’t even know what is going on internally with ourselves, “Evasion” is the monster that controls our lives.

So, once again, we find ourselves planning another way to move along on our path. No one else can do it for us. But, we will find it much easier if we understand that Someone is looking out for us and protecting us from those emotional “monsters.” God gave us another chance to make things right in our lives (He is known as the “God of second chances” for a good reason). He brought us through the mess and to this exact place of opportunity. Believing in him, rather than our schemes and ideas, is called faith. Just trying to understand where we get faith and how it is developed will help us find valuable and useful solutions to our pressing situations. Consider these "seeds":

True vs. False. Over time, we can learn to recognize things people do or say as being either true or false. They can not be both, as we may have thought in the past. We’ll know when our “discernment meter” is back in good working order.

Solid Evidence. Our experiences have taught us who and what to trust and when. Some people are our helpers and encouragers, and some are hindrances and stumbling blocks.

Subject Matter. We can study how faith in God is all about how He loves us and provides for our needs. It’s His promise. The seed he plants sprouts strength and encouragement to help us through each day.

Spiritual Connection. Faith needs a helper. It will wither and die if we try to be the sole “gardener.” God gives us His Holy Spirit, who is our lifelong “Helper.” We can call on Him when we don’t know what to do or where to go. Think of him as the “landscaper” who is there to water and nourish the soil of our mind, body, and soul.

Grace in Bloom. No one plants a garden without expecting blooms of every kind. Look at each positive, faith-filled step we take in our lives as another beautiful blossom of Grace (God’s kindness and mercy on us) to keep us going!

Tip of the Day

Here’s a visual idea: Wouldn’t it be fun to start a bouquet of colorful “paper” blossoms and keep adding to it as we pass another turning point in our journey? The whole object of faith is the belief and trust in our one and only Savior, Jesus Christ. With Him in our lives, we can do anything! It’s a fact. He will make sure we have the strength to see our lives turn around for good. Or we can choose the impossible and remain frustrated and unfulfilled. The beauty lesson: He leaves the decision up to us!

“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible” (Matthew 17:20 NLT).

A Triple Mark of Friendship

Three are even better

Most women want to belong to something important where they can make a difference. Some of us join clubs of all kinds. There are groups for moms, book lovers, students, fitness fans, sewing, art, cooks, and writers. You name it, and a band of women is out there looking for others to share their interests meaningfully. Participating in a great group helps to hold us up when we’re having the worst of days. It supports our creative ideas and gives us a place to grow as we, in turn, encourage others. Sharing is what it is all about. We find out, we are not the only “daffy” ones trying to do something positive in our lives. It can be done.

The key here is we were never meant to do things all alone. What would be the point? If we were excited to share some new idea, who would we share it with? What if we had a desire to help out in the neighborhood? How difficult would it be to do it alone? Becoming a hermit on a deserted island is not as simple or attractive as one might think. We are sure it would become quite lonely, and boring, and could do strange things to our minds. 

The popular 2000 movie, Cast Away with Tom Hanks, demonstrates no one can survive for long without connecting with someone, or in this case, with something. Hanks named a beach ball Wilson; he just needed to have a conversation with something other than himself. The movie gets a little crazy after that, but we get the point.

Living alone can be very similar. How many of us have found ourselves talking out loud to, well, nothing or no one in particular? Of course, we don’t expect to hear an audible answer from someone who is not there (hopefully not). Strangely though, it seems to help now and then to answer ourselves, even though the sound of our voice in the silence may startle us! 

Better still, sitting with a friend when we are hurting, in trouble, feeling defeated or dejected, or when we just want to express ourselves and get feedback other than our own, will go a long way to arriving at a quiet place. A friend who has been through similar messes in life may have some amazing insight for us. She can be our backup support when we are dealing with oh! so many predicaments, choices, and tough questions. And, in turn, we can be hers.

Without family or friends to share things with, we leave ourselves open to the worst possible thinking patterns. Even self-destructive ones. We dwell on how bad our lives have gone and imagine they will never get any better. We can see no possibilities at all. Seeing ourselves in the darkness without hope can catapult us right into the many forms of depression. 

If we are shy or introverted, it may not be easy to step out and make new friends. Even if we are the social type, moving to a new town, new job or new home can make us feel reserved and less than confident. It may help to start with this list of ways to join in with others:

• Exercise/walk/jog in the same location every day. Others will begin to recognize us and, eventually, make contact. It will give our smile a workout too.
• Find a church home where the word of the day is "Welcome!"
• Join a class, team, or club. It’s a ready-made group that meets regularly and likes the same things making it enjoyable to connect.
• Attend lectures, book signings, and poetry groups. A different version of the one above, but easier as it is a one-time event and there is no commitment.
• Accept invitations for coffee or a movie after connecting with someone. Keep it safe by meeting in a public place.

Keep adding to this list and soon our pets will wonder why their food bowl is empty all the time!

Tip of the Day

“In the beginning God created. . .” He created us to love others and others to love us. We simply can not successfully do life alone! Post this beautiful Scripture verse on the refrigerator:

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT).

Start With Balance

 

 Choose Your Own Way to Balance Life

Our hearts and minds are fragile, inner parts that need care. We have felt enough debilitating heartache to become experts at recognizing when we need to take a deep breath, seek out a friend, and just sit down and talk. Balance in our daily lives is the key to creating the best possible existence.

Without a doubt, we need that kind of stability to counter the long years of precarious living. Good nutrition, exercise, fresh air, participating in meaningful activities, and just plain having fun will keep us going strong. We owe ourselves that much and more.

Nowhere does it suggest we have to go, go, go as if we are on a never-ending treadmill. It’s not only okay to slow life down and take a break, it’s strongly recommended for our sanity. Let’s just understand, it takes some time to adjust and find ways to successfully live on our own.

Establishing a daily routine will help us figure out what to do and when to do it. Remember though, any routine is flexible and can be adjusted as often as necessary. One reason why we can not get out of bed at times is because there is no reason to put our feet on the floor. It’s just easier to stay under the covers since we have nothing to do, no one else to care for, no purpose, and no short or long-term goals.

True, making breakfast for one is not necessarily exciting. But it does not have to be that way. Vary food choices for each day if that sounds like fun. Once a month or more, try eating out with a friend and sharing coffee, crepes, and conversation. Whatever it takes so we can look forward to the day will be worth the effort. After a while, it will become second nature.

There are many ways to get our adrenaline going each day. Start with a basic routine and build excitement into it little by little. Don’t just sit around and let everyone else have all the fun!

Basic “Take Care” Instructions 

• Every morning, drink eight ounces of room temperature water to get organs moving (with lemon if wanted). Set it out the night before because ice-cold water causes the body to work harder to warm up to internal body temperature.
• Try a new soap and enjoy three extra minutes in the shower to wake up while the coffee/tea is brewing.
• Simple breakfast: protein bar or cheese plus a favorite fruit. Protein-enriched cereal with almond milk is also perfect (minus the sugar). It’s the most important meal of the day to avoid “crashing” mid-morning.
• Check a calendar, digital day planner, or whatever device encourages us to keep a schedule of daily activities. This is imperative, even if retired or unemployed at the moment.

Build in the Fun

• Sign up for Zumba, hiking, biking, or join a swim class to train the body to move.
• Plan a lunch or movie date with a friend once a month.
• Add restful activities like cooking, baking, an art class, or a book club.
• Balance life by volunteering at a non-profit organization to help someone in need.

There are so many fun activities to choose and many are free! Once we learn how to create a new and different life, we won’t have time to spend an extra minute in bed.

Tip of the Day

There is no reason to fear anything we want to do. We have a heavenly Father who will show us the best possible life and keep us safe in the process. What a blessing!

God enjoys seeing us use the gifts He has freely given us like clean and fresh air, colorful rainbows, good friends, fun activities, loved ones, and a life filled with enjoyment and happiness. He also gave us the most important gift of spending eternity with Him, when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior. He has our backs!

“But as for me, I almost lost my footing. My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever” (Psalm 73:2, 23, 26 NLT).

Lessons at the Top

Mount Everest

Courage and tenacity are not limited to extreme sports enthusiasts. We've heard of them; the ones who challenge themselves to not only hike, but attempt to climb the highest mountains in the world. As of December 2024, 7,120 people have reached the summit of Mount Everest!

Back down on earth where the air is easier to breathe, we, as single-again women, have been through our own personal ordeal, and most likely, we can agree there is no pleasure in climbing the mountain of marital disconnect or widowhood. Losing someone hurts like a cut from a sharp knife while washing dishes. It’s sudden and unexpected. Whether we nursed our spouse through sickness to the end or initiated a separation ourselves, it's heartbreaking, nonetheless. 

Marital break-ups, in particular, can be embarrassing, and certainly humiliating, when we finally share the news with family and friends. We put ourselves out there. We trusted the one we loved with all our hearts. We walked down the aisle and made a vow to live happily ever after through health and sickness. 

Then faith and hope were broken without a mere thought behind it. Shattered into a million sharp pieces of despair, discouragement, and dejection. We did our best to repair the damage to no avail. He walked out anyway with a mistress in hand. Ouch! Our tears have filled a canyon--there are none left! Just like the mountain climbers, we now grab onto the lifeline and hold on with all the power and strength we can find while the emotions heal. We soon find out that creating a new life is not quite as difficult as we originally thought. It’s one step at a time, digging in, and moving forward. We can make it–we are on the way up that mountain of ours!

We often have to ask, “Now whom can I trust?” It seems the answer is “No one.” We dare not go through that scene again, right? But, we know in truth, all human beings are filled with flaws. Even us. Sometimes, people we depend on do things to shatter our faith in them in amazing, surprising, and hurtful ways. Even scary ways. 

There is no doubt about it. Regaining a measure of trust once someone has devastated our world requires maturity, insight, and, definitely, tenacity. What can we do about it? How do we get on the right track again? Do we run down the street screaming over dishonesty and selfishness, or do we set responsible boundaries for the next time we're in a relationship? What about our excuses? Didn't we have some part in the drama? There are many lessons to learn here. It will take time. Maybe a lifetime. One thing is for sure: if we don't learn the lessons now, it will certainly happen again. And no one wants that kind of repetition.

Tip of the Day

This is where we discover we can only do so much on our own. We can begin a new life. Check. We can make new friends. Check. We can join a gym and get into shape. Check. We can get a new job if we want. Check. It's just like any new wilderness adventure. What we need is a Guide to show us the way through the valleys to the mountaintop. A Teacher who can connect with us and give us a desire for the real truth. And a Friend who knows the life that will save us from ourselves.

Yes, God gets us! The only One who can do all this for us is our Lord and Savior, Jesus. We can go to Him and talk about betrayal, hurt, and sorrow. He's been there. He knows how it feels to be abandoned. And it's not just about all the overwhelming events that have occurred; He knows about our most treasured dreams too. Thankfully, we can safely place our total trust in Him like no other. He promises that He will never, ever, ever leave us! He loves us that much, inside and out. 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5 NLT).

Be the Acorn!

Meet Jonathan. He is a very large, and somewhat cumbersome, giant tortoise who lives on the island of Saint Helena, a British Overseas Territory in the South Atlantic Ocean. Currently holding the oldest living land animal record, Jonathan is celebrating his 192nd birthday this year (Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia, 23 February 2025)--a true achievement after finishing his first-ever bath in 2017! Imagine all that grime. Worse than any mud-loving kid out there! 

  

Living critters and creatures like Jonathan don’t need to be concerned with building a life that will sustain them through upheaval, upset, and uproar (probably a good reason why they live so long). Our sticky human situations are much more difficult. We’ve had to deal with trying to renovate a life left in shambles. We try to make something new out of something old as we negotiate what we have or do not have. We’ve had to face real answers about who we are deep down inside, where we can thrive and grow, and how to live a life of power and purpose. There have been good and not-so-good days, months, or even years to finally reach this eye-opening point. What we have discovered one step at a time along the way is that we have enough resilience to make it through more than we ever imagined.

Surprisingly, we now arrive intact in new territory! We have a chance now to start over. Without a doubt, we are ready to step off that emotional train without all the baggage and breathe in a fresh new way to live with enthusiasm every day. There is no reason not to trust our instincts that brought us to this destination. We can move forward and begin anew with confidence. 

No one says, however, that we will never face challenges again because we will as long as we are part of this world. Next time there is a problem, we will recognize our own strengths and face difficulties head-on with staying power. Our heart will be in it one hundred percent. The old, worn-out suitcases of fears and insecurities were purposely left behind. They aren’t needed any longer.

Now the important question is: what do we do with the rest of our lives? First, realize, we do have choices, and lots of them. Everything from choosing what city (and climate) to live in--the East, West, South, or North; the style of home to make our own from a single-family house to a condo, to an apartment; various and numerous employment and career opportunities; and whether or not to pursue higher education. This adventure can also include crazy and fun choices like changing the way we look, how we dress, and what kind of hobbies to pursue. And on and on and on. 

Secondly, be aware there are those women who simply give up and never find a life of satisfaction and happiness. They spend their days walking around shrugging their shoulders, living in their pajamas, and not taking responsibility for their own life. But believe this: we’ve all been there to some degree or another. We are just not used to living single lives yet. Many women, however, stay stuck in a sad and empty existence that can go on until the end of their lives. But we do not need to make that kind of choice. Be different! Break the stereotype of the pitied divorcee.

Just reading this "encouragement" blog is an indication we haven’t given up in any way, shape, or form. We fought for the right to create our own lives full of attainable dreams, goals, and new adventures. Thankfully, there are enough ways to do this to fill a library. Getting out there and discovering the best choice for each of us is half the fun. Just never quit--dig in! Remember what Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn." Be the acorn!

Tip of the Day

There are numerous and unique ways to physically reach our potential just by getting out the door every morning and engaging the world. Mentally, we can add to our joy by spending time with good friends, keeping ourselves healthy and energetic in whatever way we can, and building relationships that are full of love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

None of the physical or emotional pathways we find, however, will lead anywhere without the supportive and merciful love of the One True God, who holds the ticket to our next journey. He is anxious to welcome each one of us because He already has our itinerary planned. Really! So, don’t let it go to waste.

“Because we know that this extraordinary day is just ahead, we pray for you all the time--pray that our God will make you fit for what he’s called you to be, pray that he’ll fill your good ideas and acts of faith with his own energy so that it all amounts to something” (2 Thessalonians 1:11 The Message).

PAUSE

Hello Fresh Start Momentum Friends

There has been a death in the family. 

Please excuse us for the next 30+ days as we are in mourning.

FSM will return March 3rd and, as usual, will bring you interesting and unique messages to enjoy.

God bless!

Rhythm & Tempo

Listen to the RHYTHM of the falling rain...

We are all born with certain inherent abilities whether we recognize them immediately or not. Activities we are naturally drawn to over and over again. We might have wondered as a child why science experiments were fascinating; how we could perform gymnastic feats at the park playground with no problem; or spend an entire day at the library searching for just the right book. These and many others are why we want to work in a certain area or profession as an adult. Some of us are naturally gifted to work in the medical field, with computers in an information technology (IT) department, or as an elementary or high school teacher, or dream of becoming a college professor or book editor. Others may be perfectly suited to hold positions in the police force, construction, political office, or teaching others how to quilt. It’s not the particular work we do. It’s how well we are fitted to the job that makes the difference.

In the twenty-first century, we thankfully have opportunities to work in any field we choose no matter our gender, race, or marital status. Some type of education or training--including on-the-job--will be necessary. The fact is if we have a genuine desire to flourish and grow, and if we persevere through all the effort it takes, we can get to where we want to go using our natural abilities.

Once we finally arrive at our chosen destination, we still have places to go. There is no such thing as remaining in one position over five or ten years. How many of us have been asked in our annual review, “Where do you see yourself in the next five years?” Employers have a definite aversion to someone who is not active and progressing. Think of it this way: remaining stagnant is not attractive! Thriving in business is a constant learning environment. The meter ticks rhythmically back and forth between one lesson and the next; between beginner and advanced levels. If we welcome and desire momentum in our occupations, we can accomplish much.

We may also see or experience the opposite. No matter how hard we try, our careers can get temporarily sidetracked or the job doesn’t work out as expected. Or we find a need to move from one city to another having to backtrack just a bit to catch up. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports the average worker will hold around fifteen jobs in their lifetime for one reason or another. So we are not alone.

What we want and need is to protect ourselves by finding the best way to remain in a job--at least long enough to get that promotion--before moving on to the next big thing. Other than obvious responsibilities, like showing up on time for work, there are plenty of ways to stay active and enjoy our working years in the process. To get the ball rolling, try one or two of these foundational steps and build from there:

• Stand Out: don’t just follow the crowd, do the right thing.
• Be a Champion: lead with courage and stand up for the underdog.
• Fill in the Gaps: help a coworker who is struggling with her duties. We all have bad days.
• Be an Example: show love, offer encouragement, and extend a helping hand.
• Compromise: it’s not necessary to always have the last word; try humbleness instead.

Tip of the Day

Living life is certainly difficult to figure out, especially right now. Finding the answers for what to do can seem nearly hopeless. How do we survive from living as part of a couple to making it on our own? Every day, every job, every place will not always be perfect for us, maybe not even a little bit, maybe not for a while. But it’s never hopeless.

This is where we realize when we are at the “end of our rope” there is a safety knot to catch us! If we learn to trust in God, we will not fall or even stumble. There may even be a day God will lead us right into a new relationship and, then, we will be on an entirely different path to conquer. But for now, in this growing season in our lives, God has other plans for us. We can only cooperate and do our very best. That’s all He asks of us. We can do it!

“Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life” (Galatians 6:4-5 The Message).

Keep an Eye on the Mountaintop

Reaching our personal mountaintop one step at a time!

Decades travel at the speed of a “don’t blink, you’ll miss it” kind of rush. When we were teens or young adults with all of our self-preoccupations, we never dreamed we would ever see the time when we faced a season called “midlife.” But, sure enough, every single one of us arrives blinking our eyes in surprise and suspense! What exactly will happen to us now? We stare at the mirror wondering if it’s too late to do anything that will make a difference. Our young ones are jumping out of the nest anxious to find their way. And we are left all at once with glee, sadness, and terror at the thought of a vacant house. Of course, when we finally start painting our lives golden, our minds play tricks on us and we still think we are twenty years younger than reality!

Every season of our lives has its pros and cons “for such a time as this.” In our exciting college years, life happened all at once. Joyfully or not, we separated from our parents and envisioned a lifetime of great success, and the “I can’t live without you” type of perfect relationship along with happily doing things our way. Sound familiar?

Between our 30s and 40s, life started revealing its true nature. Things were different than we originally imagined; the sharp edges grayed a bit in the fog of reality. Still, life was “do-able” as we revised our plans, sometimes more than once. Energies slowed a bit, then took off again like a stuttering car, as we discovered new goals to fit our lifestyles. We learned the eye-opening difference between “Me, Me, Me” and “We, We, We.” Life was good as long as we were willing to open our hearts and minds to the world.

Midlife comes onto the scene with a vengeance! For some, it’s a shock to turn around and discover a new landscape--an entirely new life we just can’t ignore. Now we remember all those dreams and decisions we intended to tackle thirty years before interruptions, distractions, and life generally took over. So, do we just throw up our hands and give up? No, not ever! We have all the time, talent, and wisdom to share with others now. Wasting those would be a violation of nature and our well-being. Now is the best opportunity to start making new plans, as life does not wait on any of us, as we already recognize.

The good news is we can look around with eyes wide open and see new possibilities we never knew we had. Currently [2025], 126 million people in the U. S. are over age fifty and growing (IBISworld.com), and the U.S. Census states 25 million live alone, and 55 percent are single-again women. We are not alone by any means! If we truly want to do something with the next fifty years (yes, more and more people are reaching the centennial mark and beyond), we must be willing to get out of the house and meet others in our “tribe.”

Thinking about it, we can see our experiences, good and not so good, piled one on top of the other like a house made of brick for our entire lives. There is a purpose in that phenomenon. Our lifework built for us an entire “library” of useful and teachable events. We most certainly can not go back in history and redo our lives. But, we can make today count and go forward, calling on our learning episodes and making things new and different. We could try out these four ideas :

• Lifelong Learning - always beneficial and fun, we can choose something we’ve wanted to learn or participate in doing. Local colleges provide a regular schedule of one-time classes.
• Travel Groups - how many of the U. S. states have we visited? How about that foreign country calling our name? Day trips are also a great way to see sites and meet others without a big commitment.
• Community Events - right in our hometown, there are plenty of occasions to use our skills, learn new ones, or volunteer and make our neighborhood better.
• Church Groups - just ask because the church can always use extra help. We will feel useful and needed for sure.

One for each week or one per month, totally up to you!

Tip of the Day

No matter our circumstances and lifestyle, there is a way to make a difference in our golden days. God provides what we need, when we need it, if we just ask. He doesn’t force Himself on us, but is always ready to help and will never, ever leave us! Just having the determination to do something with our lives that is worthwhile and beneficial is Step Two. Step One is placing our faith in the One True God. We can do that, can’t we?

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens” (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV).