Did You Lose Your Key?

Where will your key fit?

Nowhere does it say that just because a person attends college, she becomes wiser than anyone else. Certainly, higher education is an admirable goal and one that should seriously be considered, no matter what age we are! Hopefully, we are now anxious to choose or finish the better aspects of higher education. 

Sound like a plan? Before we realize it, four years can disappear faster than a hummingbird. It’s all about balance and choices that propel us in the right direction. A press release by CareerBuilder once stated in a title, “One-Third of College-Educated Workers Do Not Work in Occupations Related to Their College Major. Thirty-six Percent Wish They Majored in Something Different.” There's a hint to start a little research!

If we feel stuck finding our specific niche in life, then it may require some honest soul-searching. Fear, a major cause of procrastination, normally is the culprit that holds us back. But once we discover the key to our dreams, any amount of time spent on educating ourselves and then working in our chosen field is all joy. Try starting with these seven key questions:

• What particular activity can cause you to lose track of time?
• What books, magazines, or online articles do you find yourself reading?
• What do people compliment you on as “your gift?”
• Did your younger self have a dream that was never realized?
• If you have a degree, how could you now use it in a new field?
• If you are retired, how could you use your skills as a volunteer?
• If money wasn’t an issue, what would you do with the rest of your life?

Tip of the Day

We don’t need to feel alone in this exciting adventure. We are not alone. Even before we were born, in our mother’s womb, God already had a perfect plan designed for each one of us. That’s His special niche! He’s been preparing us to jump in with all the courage and strength we can find. 

God is anxious to give us plenty of wisdom to see all our dreams come true, especially now that we are on our own. All we have to do is let Him know we are ready and willing to move ahead with Him in the driver’s seat. Get ready, Graduation Day is coming!

“But if any of you needs wisdom, you should ask God for it. He is generous to everyone and will give you wisdom without criticizing you” (James 1:5 NCV).

Looking for the Price Tag

First task of the day creates "wisdom"! 

Just a bit of trivia today. In 2018, the "highest auction price in Sotheby's [world's largest broker of fine art] history" was for the sale of artist "Amedeo Modigliani's [painting] Nu Couche' for $157.2 million." [www.sothebys.com] 

Material objects can be passed down as an investment in a person’s will, but one thing remains a fact: no one can take possessions with them when they die. We came into the world with nothing, and we will leave with nothing. 

However, people have been buried with certain so-called “treasures” in their graves. John F. Kennedy collected scrimshaw (ivory engraved with pictures and designs) and one piece was placed in his coffin along with his gold cufflinks, among other things; Frank Sinatra was buried with a bottle of Jack Daniel’s whiskey and a pack of Camel cigarettes; and Bob Marley had his red Gibson Les Paul guitar and a Bible placed with him when he died. [smithsonianmag.com] 

What's Going On?

Much, much more valuable to us during our lifetimes is gaining wisdom, or we can think of it as “becoming wise,” not an easy thing to do for any of us! Without it, we can exhibit a lack of common sense and become prone to all sorts of foolish activities destroying our lives in the process. [One of the best descriptions of wisdom is found in the Bible. See the book of Proverbs 2:1-15]

We can feel good, really good, that in literature, as well as the Bible (i.e., Proverbs 8:1-36), Wisdom is portrayed as a woman--”the one who instructs.” [Zondervan Handbook to the Bible, 1999, pg 395]. We sense you teachers out there already knew this, right?  

But how would we put a “price tag” on wisdom? Or could we? Yes, it is a valuable commodity that bolsters human nature and our relationships. But it is not a monetary matter. It can be said that once we have it, and know how to use it, we will always have it. So which could we say is more valuable, money or wisdom? 

There is nothing worth more than having a sense of wisdom. Without it, we have nothing else to fall back on and no one to trust. We have no foundation for goodness to grow, nowhere for truth to live. We can hold onto it, add to it, and take it with us wherever we go.

Tip of the Day

God knew from the beginning that we would need wisdom in our lives every single day. His generosity offers this priceless gift to us for the taking. It’s already inside of us, lying dormant. All we need to do is ask God daily to “turn the faucet on,” so wisdom will flow into us through His Holy Spirit (a special “Helper” being given to us). No need to bring your credit card--it costs nothing!

“Wisdom is more precious than rubies. Nothing you could want is equal to it” (Proverbs 8:11 NCV).

Time to Soak Up the Sunshine!

Sunshine waiting for you!

When we want to do something fun and exhilarating, housekeeping is probably the last thing we would think of doing. Of course, the “dust bunnies” regularly pile up on or under every surface in our home. The floors call out to us to give them a clean shine. Windows want to sparkle. Unfortunately, the cleaning must be done! 

One task–changing sheets on a bed--should be one of the easier weekly chores. Yet, for some reason, it can become a major struggle especially if we have to get behind a queen-sized bed surrounded by three walls in a tiny bedroom. Such an ordeal has the potential for a touchy anger issue to raise its ugly head. 

We allow ourselves to explode and overreact at even the smallest things that invade our lives. We reach out and grab a bottle of detergent with a loose cap to wash the next load of clothes and immediately drop and spill the sticky liquid contents all over the floor. Yikes! 

So what is going on? Sometimes, it is simple frustration or fear about our circumstances that turns a good day into an anxiety-filled boiling pot. Maybe we didn't get enough sleep last night. Or, perhaps, we don’t even have a consistent sleep schedule which then wreaks havoc with anything we are trying to get done. Everything we have to go through alone seems overwhelming. We have no one to lean on, no one to talk to, and no one who can help us overcome all of our sticky problems. 

Yet, deep down inside, we know what we need the most. We need love (we are not speaking at this moment about sexual intimacy). We need someone to say "It is okay, let me do that for you." What a refreshing thought. We could at least take a deep breath and a needed break and call a friend for a short chat. She might need it just as much as we do. 

There are all forms of love to give and receive and they don’t always require an intimate partner. What we are alluding to here is the kind of deep relationships we crave with others--friends and family--that we can add into our lives. How?

Well, building friendships takes time and effort, so maybe we just have to face the fact, the sheets can wait until tomorrow. The dusting is for another day when we are calmer. Now is the time to step outside, soak up the sunshine (defeats depression by the way), and invite a friend for a cup of coffee/favorite treat.  

God created many, many beautiful things for us including aspen trees, snow-capped mountains, gentle ocean waves, evergreens, and fields of wheat swaying in the breeze. The list is so long, we could fill numerous volumes of gratitude journals. Go ahead and start one now!

We can literally grow into love. Think about that for a minute. Although we may not have an intimate, physical touch at this moment in our private lives, we can still seek appropriate love from others just by being involved and helping someone else to meet a need. 

We grow into that kind of love because love requires at least two people. Two friends. Two siblings. Two neighbors. Two starts the snowball rolling in our direction. Recently on a Sunday morning, someone at church said, “I became a Greeter because I need hugs.” Watch out! Love is rolling our way!

Tip of the Day 

Getting involved regularly with a local church, neighborhood school, hospital, or the many community organizations that seek volunteers will fill us with more love than we could ever imagine! It’s very difficult to stay angry or depressed with our life situations when love is given and received in this way. It was God’s simple plan from the very beginning: give love, get love. It does work!

“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony” (Colossians 3:14 NLT).

Cake with Icing Please

Red Velvet with Icing!

One of the most treasured gifts is peace. It is also the most difficult to find. Peace is spoken about in church services, negotiated during wars, displayed in store windows at Christmas, and printed on gift cards and wrapping paper. 

It is a freedom most of the world wants and will strive to get. But peace should not just be enjoyed at certain times of the year and then stored on a shelf with the rest of the ornaments. It is important to our well-being and happiness all during the year as it continually exhibits the quality of life so many have missed.

Where exactly is peace found?

All women who truly want peace have to work hard at creating it in their lives because it does not just suddenly appear. We need to learn new skills and behaviors that lead to a more harmonious life. Single-again women [widowed, divorced, single moms] may find gaining peace a little bit more challenging now on our own, but it can be done, if we don't give up! 

Remember, the rewards are worth the effort. Calm and tranquility can become part of our new lives if we are willing to try some practical ways to start building the best possible life right now. Ready? Set. Go!

• It's important to take one positive step at a time. Rushing through this period in our lives will only create a shaky foundation. Start with whatever is most important right at this moment. A new job? A better place to live? Finding new friends? 
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• Take the time to find the positives every day. Making the perfect cup of coffee, planting a yellow rose bush, finding a new book to read (try your local thrift store for a great bargain). Every tiny victory counts! Be determined to go forward, not backward. 
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• No fantasies! They aren't real and will only swallow us in frustration. If living in a large mansion isn't part of the budget right now, we can find something just as beautiful that we can be proud of calling our home. Simple is good. Hint: it's trendy to go "minimalist" in the decorating arena. And if $350 for a pair of jeans with designer “holes” or fake “mud” sounds expensive, do not even look at brand names selling for $1,200 and up (it is true; we’re not making this up)! Be proud to shop the "sale" racks (or better yet, discount stores) for clothes and end up with money in those fancy pockets.

The Icing on the Cake: Patience

None of the above tips will work without Patience as a companion. Take a breath and remember these two truths:

Challenges - we don’t develop as a woman if all we have is a perfect and easy life. We only grow and mature through the "ugly stuff" in our lives and how we handle them. Even in nature, things happen for a reason. Take roses, for instance, (nearly all of them) have thorns that are difficult to remove. There is a reason. The thorns protect them from natural enemies like insects and animals! We can find a purpose for the “thorns” we have if only we show a little tenacity and patience.

Attitudes - how we react and treat others with love and patience will amaze them. The world expects us to react with anger and rudeness when things don’t go our way. The waitress is too slow. The insurance company won’t pay our claim. We got our pink slip this week. Someone cuts us off in line. Shock the world! Let’s break the mold and be willing to display the kind and loving women we were meant to be. It's contagious!

Tip of the Day 

Know that true and lasting peace only comes from God. His intervention in our lives will make everything right in our world. Without Him, difficulties will continue to pile onto each other and we will get lost again. He's there. He has the answers. Let’s not leave him out of our plans, but instead invite him in.

“If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days. . .Search for peace, and work to maintain it” (1 Peter 3:10-11 NLT). 

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” (Romans 8:28 NLT).

Your Best Day

Don't get caught! Keep the momentum going!

Time speeds through our days like river rapids running through a canyon. If we aren't watching the clock, we look up and it’s nearly bedtime, and we haven’t completed all the chores and errands we wanted to get done. Sound familiar? This passage of time happens every single day; we probably know the clock does not stop for anyone. Ever.

Decades have passed for many of us, so what will we do with our lives now? How can we plan to do it differently--to make it better? We have the chance to use the same twenty-four hours in the day as anyone else. It’s tempting to just allow our lives to waste away as some people do. 

But then we would have to deal with the pain, hurt, and confusion of not recognizing the freedom we have been given. Moving forward is an individual decision we each make when the time is right. The challenge is not easy, but it is necessary if we want to survive joyfully in this world. And, yes, we definitely can!

We might ask ourselves just a few questions to get the momentum going. Grab a journal and write these ideas down to think (and dream) about later if that's easier right now:

• What specifically do we want to happen in the next month? Next year?
• What "tools" do we need to get there?
• Do we need to team up with someone who can help?

Right Brain Creativity

The above ideas are just examples. Thankfully, everyone is different, special, and unique. We can each find our own best pathway. Maybe we are naturals at math and could become excellent accountants. If the arts are our thing, perhaps a position at a gallery or museum would make us bloom! 

Maybe we simply want to finish the quilt we started for our daughter or granddaughter. This could also lead to teaching a class in quilting. How many more can you think of? There are endless opportunities.

Some of these women might encourage us:

• Laura Ingalls Wilder published the Little House series at age sixty-four and continued writing until she was seventy-six years old.
• “Grandma Moses,” at age seventy-six, began painting folk art. She continued until she was 101 years old, producing over 1,000 works!
• Susan Boyle began singing professionally for the first time at age forty-eight, winning Britain’s Got Talent show in 2009. She has continued breaking global record sales.

These women are not the exception. They are the ones who never gave up on their dreams! They were not content to come to the end of their lives without demonstrating their purpose and leaving a legacy. There are many like them.

Tip of the Day

Our natural talents and gifts come directly from God, who created us. He created everyone and everything. He created the entire universe! God has a special purpose for each one of us and wants to see us use our gifts. Let’s not sit back while another year speeds by before discovering what possibilities he has in mind for us.

“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?” (Romans 8:31 NLT).

 

What Have We Learned?

Hint: Grab the book with ribbons!

It’s a painful experience to suffer ridicule in our lives (remember Charlie Brown from the comic strip, Peanuts?), no matter how many candles are on the cake this year. Someone intentionally making fun of us, especially cruelly or harshly, catches us off guard. It’s like mistakenly hitting our finger with a hammer. Ouch! The pain is sudden and unexpected. 

There are endless ways people exhibit their brand of hurting others; sometimes it is subtle, and at other times, it’s obvious and offensive. We’ve all had to endure this psychological abuse in our lives if we were ever in a relationship that was going nowhere. We struggled, not knowing at the time what to do about it. Now, we are relieved to finally find ourselves in a better place.

We can pause now and ask ourselves, “What have we learned?” In many cases, inappropriate words--verbal abuse--were forced on us day after day. Maybe we never responded out of fear of making the situation worse. Or perhaps we did react with anger of our own, and that, of course, solved nothing. 

We, of all people (single-again), understand the striking power of words. We now have a decision to make. Are we going to continue this pattern or change it? Like the invalid person in the Bible who was asked by Jesus, Do you want to get well? [emphasis mine] (John 5:6 NIV). Do we want peace in our lives? The truth is, we have the power to change our attitudes, and this is where transformation begins. 

No one willingly wants to take part in repeating such disturbing verbal abuse or physical attack. Only if we have an open mind and a softened heart will we learn from our past. Reversing emotional abuse and improving our outlook is good for our souls and our futures. We are not saying it is easy to make a change. Just that it is important if we want to restore our health. 

There really are no quick or easy answers. Humans have not successfully eliminated the temptation of keeping our mouths quiet for long. We are fascinated with talking and hearing our own voices. We envision ourselves as charming and those who others hang on our every word. We might just have these gifts, but still wrestle with finding the proper way to use them. It takes much practice and possibly using invisible packaging tape over our mouths!

Tip of the Day 

The best solution available is found in the Bible--God’s perfect way to use His Word to communicate with us. If we can admit we are serious about changing past patterns, check these four references and the corresponding subjects:

• Ephesians 4:31-32 - bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, slander
• Proverbs 20:19 - gossiping
• 2 Corinthians 12:20 - quarreling, jealousy, arrogance
• Proverbs 16:28 - being a troublemaker, strife

In the Peanuts comic strip, some say Lucy was the most “mouthy” one. Maybe we should all just claim Snoopy and Woodstock as our best friends–they had thoughts but no “language” to utter!

"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry" (James 1:19 NLT).

Fill a Canyon with Courage

The Grand Canyon is waiting for you!

No matter what stage of life we are in, we need excellent role models and mentors. It’s always good to keep an eye on how other women are improving, encouraging, developing, and growing. Stop and think, who would we pick as the one female (non-relative) who has had the most influence in our lives? It might be the life and accomplishments of someone we learned about in our studies, such as:

• Eleanor Roosevelt used her influential voice as First Lady to speak on the injustice of certain social matters. She was also a strong supporter of African-American rights, even in the 1940s. Eleanor was never elected to office but is still often quoted today as a social reformer.
• Marie Curie was a scientist and the first woman to win a Nobel Prize. She was the only person to be awarded Nobel Prizes in two different science fields! Marie was the first female professor at Sorbonne University in Paris, France. If you think she had nothing else to do, she also refined X-ray imaging. Think about her when you have your next mammogram!

Our own personal female influencer may be a living person. One that we admire for her tenacity and determination amid all the trials and tribulations poured on her like a torrential downpour. Anyone who has ever experienced extreme anger, depression, suicidal thoughts, or even just a day that went from bad to worse would never forget the horrifying story of Joni Eareckson Tada. It will push your doubts and fears to a new level. 

In 1967, when she was just seventeen years old, Joni became a quadriplegic, paralyzed from the shoulders down during a diving accident. We may or may not be able to imagine the many months, even years, of heart-wrenching discouragement and pain--both physical and emotional-- she endured in rehabilitation. 

Did she ever give up? Sure. At first, Joni did just that; she wanted to end it all right there. But she found her strength in her God, who held her up when she didn’t think she could go on, and He gave her the courage to face another day. Within just a few years, Joni learned to paint with a brush between her teeth! With that same method, so far, she has written more than fifty books, including the best-selling Joni, the story of her life. 

Joni has recorded several musical albums, starred in a movie about her life, and is an advocate for the disabled. Was that the conclusion of a “happy-ever-after” story? No, not by any means. In 2010, Joni was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent a mastectomy and chemotherapy. Her courage could fill the Grand Canyon!

Maybe our hero is not famous. Maybe she is the teacher who stayed late time after time just to help us learn the piano. Now we play in concert halls. A coach who showed us a better way to ice skate so we could get into the Olympics. A local businesswoman trained us on how to open our own business. Or the optimistic friend who helped move us to a new home with no questions asked. We all have someone we look up to and want to take lessons from when the next pothole blocks the road.

Because of these women and their accomplishments, we might ask ourselves, What have I done with my days? Instead of living in a state of depression and discouragement, we can review and gain momentum from the lives of women we admire. Autobiographies and biographies fill shelves upon shelves in our libraries, waiting for us to learn from fearless women. We can then begin picking our chins off the floor, packing our bags full of bold-spiritedness, tenacity, and grit, and start something new!

Tip of the Day

It isn’t easy to move on by ourselves. We need only look to our heavenly Father to help us find a place of love and encouragement. He is on our side and already knows our hurts, problems, and challenges. God just wants to hear us ask for His help, as He never wants to force His love on us.

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand" (Isaiah 41:10 NLT).

Yes You Can

It's been an extremely hectic 30 days. Have you ever felt that way? Bet you have!

I'm working on trying to "restore" balance to my life right now and will take a two week break. 

So, meantime, I leave you with this tid-bit to think about that I just read:

"Your life will run more smoothly if you simplify." Hmmm. 

I'll be back soon. I promise!

Tangible Dreams

Time Doesn't Stand Still

How do we find enough hours to get anything done in our ultra-busy, keyboard world? Are we ever satisfied with life and its imperfections? Some of us grew up under a firm hand that required perfection as if it were a prerequisite for Life 101! These daily headaches not only made us stressed, but they also taught us to expect the world, our world, to never fall under a human mistake of any kind, creating a cracked sense of rigidness. 

Later in life, we may have even lived with a spouse who expected the same hypercritical pattern in his wife. All of this craziness produced deep regret and turned us into stressed-out women.

That was then, and this is now. We’ve been given a chance to make all things new. Our lives may still feel like a whirlwind, but feelings can't be trusted. They change from moment to moment, day to day. One day, we “feel” like the blue dress in our closet is perfect for us. The next day, we hate everything about it. We bought a set of new dishes because we were excited about the floral pattern. The next week, the pattern clashed with everything in our kitchen. We “feel” like our neighbor hates us, the next moment, she is our “best” friend. 

What doesn’t change is that we are smart women (we still have the same brain we were born with ) who have been through enough now to know what we do and do not want and deserve. We may not know quite how to get it just yet, but we have ideas running around in our heads.

All of this talk will do nothing unless we try and apply what we have learned. So, let’s get more practical:

• Sit down and start a notebook. Yes, the “old-school” spiral kind--it’s anti-lethargic and a way to get the momentum going. Get all those what-do-I-do-now thoughts out of our heads and onto paper. Every time we think of something that could make life better, write it down, no matter how silly. They will become real ambitions, something we hope to do or achieve. In the process of letting things out that are weighing on our brains, the strain and pressure we’ve been experiencing will stop giving us headaches.
• Get some colorful dividers and label different categories that are important for the future. Examples: Dreams, Designs, and Drawings. Keep it simple, one tab for each. Plans, Patterns, and Projects. Keep going. Have fun with it! Everyone will have widely different subjects, and we can add to it at any time. Whatever matters should have a tab.
• A visual person can cut out photos from magazines and paste them into a notebook. It is like a Pinterest page but in real time! Try not to just rely on the internet. Make it personal and private. A tactile person can draw, paint, color, or have fun with mixed-media pages incorporating fabrics and found objects. By the way, if there are still children at home, show them how to start their own “Dream Notebook.” It’s never too early to get excited!

Now we are on a roll. As this project develops, we will have tangible proof of our dreams and wishes for a better life. It will all make sense, but don’t get overwhelmed by trying to do everything all at once. That would be the perfect ingredient for disaster. Let the ideas in this notebook be a reminder to stay on track until each goal is met one by one. Yes, smart women can make this happen!

Tip of the Day

The best news is that God is on our side. He did not cause us to be so weary and worried. He has a lot to say about how to achieve a life that makes a difference, and living with discontentment is not one of his blessings. 

Making ourselves frantic if the pillowcases don’t get white enough in the laundry will rob us of joy. This is why it is so important to get in touch with God daily. First thing in the morning, while the coffee, tea, or hot chocolate brews, is the perfect time to ask what plans God has for us today. He has the perfect answer!

“What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. ‘Anything is possible if a person believes’” (Mark 9:23 NLT).

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT).

Wiser by the Moment

Where is my phone?

There are days when life travels so fast we rarely make the time to turn our heads for a moment to see where we came from and where we are going. We may hold down a job or work from home, but hours fly faster than we can catch up. And don’t think retired women spend all their time rocking in a chair either. Their lives are just as busy as when they were employed; it’s just the scenery has changed.

One common culprit is the cell phone. With 7.2 billion smartphones worldwide, we can see why. Bet you could guess China is the #1 with 975 million smartphone users. The U.S. is #3 with only 276 million users. Ha! Got you! [Source: explodingtopics.com]

Every now and then, though, it’s a good idea to unplug, slow down, look back, and perform a friendly evaluation of where we have landed. We can build what is called “margin” in our lives by creating specific times of peace and quiet. Really. 

Just get in the habit of turning off all the technology screens (phone, TV, computer, etc) at a certain time each evening. This way, we “power down” our busy day, and our minds begin to relax and get ready to sleep. We can use this time to read (not on a screen, though!), journal, or just listen to quiet music. It is simply amazing how well this works, especially for those of us who deal with excess stress, sleep disorders, or physical limitations. Everyone needs a nightly relaxation period to train the brain to wind down and stop.

If we don’t want a repeat of our past, it’s to our advantage to mentally retrace how far we have traveled and what we have accomplished. There are two ways to compare how we are doing: what didn’t work before and what is working now.

Wide-Eyed Wishing: What Didn’t Work

Many of us were perhaps too young when we married the first time. We didn’t take the time to fully know the one we quickly said, “I do!” to, nor did we even know ourselves yet. We sat down and made a plan to walk down the aisle, but not much more. There was no lifelong plan involving shared responsibilities, decisions, and growth that included both of us. 

Did we talk about how important continuing education was to us, when, how, or if we would start a family, and who would handle the finances? Did we observe his reactions to family get-togethers, holidays, and special occasions? Did we make decisions about careers together? How did he treat not only us but other women in general? And most importantly, did we discuss how our faith, or lack of it, would affect each other? 

The list goes on and on, but were we even aware that we should evaluate those basic life questions before buying the wedding dress? At such a young age, we perhaps lacked the experience needed to deal with and avoid repeated scenes that could cause us damage and destruction. Frankly, we had no idea what we were doing. And because of our innocence, we lost ourselves in a forest of nothingness. We lived a “half-life,” never developing our talents and abilities. Finally, we matured, gained insight, and found the strength we needed to make better decisions.

Wiser Women: What’s Working Now

Learning from past stumbles and falls, we have been able to dust ourselves off and choose better goals and habits, creating a more “fully-developed life.” Our hearts spill over with joy just knowing a whole new way to live is possible; enthusiasm goes a long way in getting us to this point. 

Sure, not every single day goes smoothly, no one said it would. We are human, after all, and this is real life. It gets hard sometimes for all of us living on our own. But we are not alone in this truth when we have each other to lean on. The key is how we respond to all the messiness. 

We each have to decide what that looks like for our own lives, not for our friend’s life, not for our sister’s, mother’s, or aunt’s life, but what positive thing we can do when life gets us down. It’s all about making a wise choice. With all the confidence we now have (and it will increase every day with practice), we know we can survive at least the next twenty-four hours!

Tip of the Day

We need a Guidebook to help us through life. Wiser words have never been spoken than in the first nine chapters of the Book of Proverbs in the Bible. We can use those as an indicator to weigh how our lives are going.

If we haven't quite reached the point where we want our lives to be, studying and meditating on these nurturing words of God will make it very clear what we need to do. Give it a try!

“Wisdom is far more valuable than rubies. Nothing you desire can compare with it” (Proverbs 8:11) NLT.

A Very Good Feeling!

Pulling into the station: a very good feeling!

Receiving any job promotion (paid or volunteer) can be exciting. Whether we advance to lead marketing specialist, data analyst, gardener, head waitress, senior saleswoman, book seller, or software engineer doesn't matter. We are finally being recognized for our ability. 

That is a big deal because it means someone believes in us! We worked hard and long for this day, even though it meant overtime hours in some cases, taking on extra work, and stepping in when no one else would. But we were dedicated and did what we had to do to get the job done. We did it! We arrived like a delayed train, finally pulling into the station, and that’s a very good feeling.

Instinctively, we knew our strength and tenacity would continue to support us in learning additional ways of doing things, understanding policies, and activating programs that fit our advanced position. Our world was rapidly changing. We were asked to supervise other employees and were even given the authority to hire or fire people when necessary. A fresh set of skills was certainly required, but it was all part of the life cycle to become part of a work family.

This applies to our personal, single-again lives too. Our sensible choices, over time, bring us a vote of confidence and encouragement. We could have chosen many different directions or paths, but we made the most appropriate decisions at the time and ended up right where we had hoped. It’s never easy to map out a future and stick with the steps, eventually arriving at a certain destination. 

It takes perseverance, patience, and personality. Rick Warren, the author of The Purpose Driven Life, eloquently narrowed these truths down when he said, “Your character is essentially the sum of your habits.” Wise words, indeed.

So, if we get distracted and sidetracked on our chosen path and never quite arrive, just know that it is never too late to start. It is not the end of the world (yet)! Even if we find ourselves happily single again, watching decades speeding by like a bullet train, we are survivors. We know this is true because of the simple fact that we have made it this far. We still have a brain that works, and we dare not waste it. We all know what they say about muscles that are never used. Ready to begin?

Recommended First Steps for a Fresh Start:

• Start journaling ideas about needs (not wants)
• Use your God-given abilities and talents to get involved
• Get the right education and never stop learning
• Believe in yourself - others will follow
• Keep balance in your life: God, family, and work (in that order)
• Learn to forgive and live in peace with everyone
• Make a difference in someone’s life

Tip of the Day 

God lovingly chose us (we didn’t choose Him) before we were even born to become His daughters. Imagine that! He is the King of all Kings, and therefore, we are His princesses! God offers us a better “position”-a new life- to spend eternity with Him when we leave this earth. 

It isn’t anything we do (we can’t earn His love); it is simply a wonderful gift from Him. It is our choice to accept his offer and enjoy the best life we could imagine as his precious daughters once and for all!

“Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life” (Galatians 6:4-5 MSG).

Imagination Reawakened

Swallowtail Butterfly - never gives up!

We are born with a certain personality- our very own unique and individual nature. Tiny, newborn infants have a special way they coo, laugh, or cry, and no two are alike. After surviving young adulthood and all the “crazies” that accompanied those years, we continued to develop in many different and surprising ways.

 

Looking at our lives today from a different viewpoint, we may discover some persistent habits and even destructive life patterns. They seem to hang on like velcro to fabric no matter what we do. These patterns are the ones that display definite signs of personal sabotage: selfishness, irresponsibility, misplaced pride, and a general lack of compassion and love for others and even for ourselves. 

When we were much younger, we dreamed of what we wanted to become when we grew up, even if our ideas were pure fantasy. Our imaginations went wild! We may have even spent time researching how to make that dream come true. Eventually, though, we allowed ourselves to get distracted without the focus and discipline. Sound familiar?

It is likely that some, if not most of us, had concerned parents who encouraged us to get into the right college or trade school that matched our abilities and talents. Did we listen and complete our education? 

On the other hand, maybe we didn't get the support we needed at home. Dad just wanted us to follow in his footsteps, so why did we need an education? Mom just wanted to see us find the right husbands who could support us for a lifetime. Our achievements and dreams were not celebrated as possible pathways for our life ambitions. No one was in our corner. So we “graduated” with a MOQ degree- Master of Quitting- and we were quite good at it.

Now, many years later, when we get off course and pursue lifestyles, careers, and marriages that were never meant to be, it changes our entire life map. It's as if we are headed down one path and find the road blocked. We are forced to use the detour. Sometimes, we get lost and never get back on the right road. We start going in circles like one of those irksome roundabout traffic patterns! Then we wonder, “What in the world happened?” 

When we look up, we see that our nature was traveling down the wrong road in the first place. No wonder we never got anywhere! We had allowed others to determine our life course because of our lack of confidence. We lost the space needed to grow, create, and find our purpose. We became what others expected and wanted us to become, rather than trusting in our abilities. 

Many other revelations started floating to the surface, and once again, our viewpoint changed. This time for the better. This time to explore, examine, and expand into a beautiful new life full of purpose! The key is never to let it go. And don’t ever, ever give up!

Tip of the Day

After struggling, perhaps for years, to gain control once more of our own lives, we finally reach a point where we suddenly realize our nature was just out of sync with God’s plans for us. He never intended for us to go that way! 

This time, we are turning in the right direction. We seek. We listen. Our spirit is reconnecting to our soul like magnets attracted to each other. We “put on a new nature,” follow the Lord, and the angels dance! Hallelujah! Renewal begins.

“Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him” (Colossians 3:10 NLT).

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing" (1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV).

Garden of Grace

Hydrangeas

One true thing about making plans is that they are unpredictable- they can change instantly! Every one of us has gone through the disappointment of life not working out as expected. More than ever right now in America, we suffer through job layoffs, home loans not approved, our thirteen-year-old car permanently breaks down, and our marriage dissolves like sugar in a glass of iced tea. 

It’s all those learning curves we keep running into. Just as we reach our pinnacle- the mountaintop--life has a way of sending us on another journey. We may be expected to change directions, to suddenly leave without any belongings, or to travel alone.

It just seems easier to close our eyes and resist participating in our future.  Avoidance, however, creates another paradox for us. It provides an escape but is not an answer that solves anything of value for us; it is very much like treating the symptoms but not the cause or illness. When we feel uneasy, nervous, and frightened, it is usually because facing the real cause of the problem is much like being held captive or being addicted to whatever “drug” is available. 

We’re not talking about narcotics here; it could be anything that prevents us from focusing like marathon TV watching (tends to drain the brain, experts say), staying in bed all day, overeating, staying up all night, and not getting enough sleep, or uncontrolled shopping (no one wants to become a hoarder). It could be just about anything that slows us down. When we don’t even know what is going on internally with ourselves, “Evasion” is the monster that controls our lives.

So, once again, we find ourselves planning another way to move along on our path. No one else can do it for us. But, we will find it much easier if we understand that Someone is looking out for us and protecting us from those emotional “monsters.” God gave us another chance to make things right in our lives (He is known as the “God of second chances” for a good reason). He brought us through the mess and to this exact place of opportunity. Believing in him, rather than our schemes and ideas, is called faith. Just trying to understand where we get faith and how it is developed will help us find valuable and useful solutions to our pressing situations. Consider these "seeds":

True vs. False. Over time, we can learn to recognize things people do or say as being either true or false. They can not be both, as we may have thought in the past. We’ll know when our “discernment meter” is back in good working order.

Solid Evidence. Our experiences have taught us who and what to trust and when. Some people are our helpers and encouragers, and some are hindrances and stumbling blocks.

Subject Matter. We can study how faith in God is all about how He loves us and provides for our needs. It’s His promise. The seed he plants sprouts strength and encouragement to help us through each day.

Spiritual Connection. Faith needs a helper. It will wither and die if we try to be the sole “gardener.” God gives us His Holy Spirit, who is our lifelong “Helper.” We can call on Him when we don’t know what to do or where to go. Think of him as the “landscaper” who is there to water and nourish the soil of our mind, body, and soul.

Grace in Bloom. No one plants a garden without expecting blooms of every kind. Look at each positive, faith-filled step we take in our lives as another beautiful blossom of Grace (God’s kindness and mercy on us) to keep us going!

Tip of the Day

Here’s a visual idea: Wouldn’t it be fun to start a bouquet of colorful “paper” blossoms and keep adding to it as we pass another turning point in our journey? The whole object of faith is the belief and trust in our one and only Savior, Jesus Christ. With Him in our lives, we can do anything! It’s a fact. He will make sure we have the strength to see our lives turn around for good. Or we can choose the impossible and remain frustrated and unfulfilled. The beauty lesson: He leaves the decision up to us!

“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible” (Matthew 17:20 NLT).

A Triple Mark of Friendship

Three are even better

Most women want to belong to something important where they can make a difference. Some of us join clubs of all kinds. There are groups for moms, book lovers, students, fitness fans, sewing, art, cooks, and writers. You name it, and a band of women is out there looking for others to share their interests meaningfully. Participating in a great group helps to hold us up when we’re having the worst of days. It supports our creative ideas and gives us a place to grow as we, in turn, encourage others. Sharing is what it is all about. We find out, we are not the only “daffy” ones trying to do something positive in our lives. It can be done.

The key here is we were never meant to do things all alone. What would be the point? If we were excited to share some new idea, who would we share it with? What if we had a desire to help out in the neighborhood? How difficult would it be to do it alone? Becoming a hermit on a deserted island is not as simple or attractive as one might think. We are sure it would become quite lonely, and boring, and could do strange things to our minds. 

The popular 2000 movie, Cast Away with Tom Hanks, demonstrates no one can survive for long without connecting with someone, or in this case, with something. Hanks named a beach ball Wilson; he just needed to have a conversation with something other than himself. The movie gets a little crazy after that, but we get the point.

Living alone can be very similar. How many of us have found ourselves talking out loud to, well, nothing or no one in particular? Of course, we don’t expect to hear an audible answer from someone who is not there (hopefully not). Strangely though, it seems to help now and then to answer ourselves, even though the sound of our voice in the silence may startle us! 

Better still, sitting with a friend when we are hurting, in trouble, feeling defeated or dejected, or when we just want to express ourselves and get feedback other than our own, will go a long way to arriving at a quiet place. A friend who has been through similar messes in life may have some amazing insight for us. She can be our backup support when we are dealing with oh! so many predicaments, choices, and tough questions. And, in turn, we can be hers.

Without family or friends to share things with, we leave ourselves open to the worst possible thinking patterns. Even self-destructive ones. We dwell on how bad our lives have gone and imagine they will never get any better. We can see no possibilities at all. Seeing ourselves in the darkness without hope can catapult us right into the many forms of depression. 

If we are shy or introverted, it may not be easy to step out and make new friends. Even if we are the social type, moving to a new town, new job or new home can make us feel reserved and less than confident. It may help to start with this list of ways to join in with others:

• Exercise/walk/jog in the same location every day. Others will begin to recognize us and, eventually, make contact. It will give our smile a workout too.
• Find a church home where the word of the day is "Welcome!"
• Join a class, team, or club. It’s a ready-made group that meets regularly and likes the same things making it enjoyable to connect.
• Attend lectures, book signings, and poetry groups. A different version of the one above, but easier as it is a one-time event and there is no commitment.
• Accept invitations for coffee or a movie after connecting with someone. Keep it safe by meeting in a public place.

Keep adding to this list and soon our pets will wonder why their food bowl is empty all the time!

Tip of the Day

“In the beginning God created. . .” He created us to love others and others to love us. We simply can not successfully do life alone! Post this beautiful Scripture verse on the refrigerator:

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT).

Start With Balance

 

 Choose Your Own Way to Balance Life

Our hearts and minds are fragile, inner parts that need care. We have felt enough debilitating heartache to become experts at recognizing when we need to take a deep breath, seek out a friend, and just sit down and talk. Balance in our daily lives is the key to creating the best possible existence.

Without a doubt, we need that kind of stability to counter the long years of precarious living. Good nutrition, exercise, fresh air, participating in meaningful activities, and just plain having fun will keep us going strong. We owe ourselves that much and more.

Nowhere does it suggest we have to go, go, go as if we are on a never-ending treadmill. It’s not only okay to slow life down and take a break, it’s strongly recommended for our sanity. Let’s just understand, it takes some time to adjust and find ways to successfully live on our own.

Establishing a daily routine will help us figure out what to do and when to do it. Remember though, any routine is flexible and can be adjusted as often as necessary. One reason why we can not get out of bed at times is because there is no reason to put our feet on the floor. It’s just easier to stay under the covers since we have nothing to do, no one else to care for, no purpose, and no short or long-term goals.

True, making breakfast for one is not necessarily exciting. But it does not have to be that way. Vary food choices for each day if that sounds like fun. Once a month or more, try eating out with a friend and sharing coffee, crepes, and conversation. Whatever it takes so we can look forward to the day will be worth the effort. After a while, it will become second nature.

There are many ways to get our adrenaline going each day. Start with a basic routine and build excitement into it little by little. Don’t just sit around and let everyone else have all the fun!

Basic “Take Care” Instructions 

• Every morning, drink eight ounces of room temperature water to get organs moving (with lemon if wanted). Set it out the night before because ice-cold water causes the body to work harder to warm up to internal body temperature.
• Try a new soap and enjoy three extra minutes in the shower to wake up while the coffee/tea is brewing.
• Simple breakfast: protein bar or cheese plus a favorite fruit. Protein-enriched cereal with almond milk is also perfect (minus the sugar). It’s the most important meal of the day to avoid “crashing” mid-morning.
• Check a calendar, digital day planner, or whatever device encourages us to keep a schedule of daily activities. This is imperative, even if retired or unemployed at the moment.

Build in the Fun

• Sign up for Zumba, hiking, biking, or join a swim class to train the body to move.
• Plan a lunch or movie date with a friend once a month.
• Add restful activities like cooking, baking, an art class, or a book club.
• Balance life by volunteering at a non-profit organization to help someone in need.

There are so many fun activities to choose and many are free! Once we learn how to create a new and different life, we won’t have time to spend an extra minute in bed.

Tip of the Day

There is no reason to fear anything we want to do. We have a heavenly Father who will show us the best possible life and keep us safe in the process. What a blessing!

God enjoys seeing us use the gifts He has freely given us like clean and fresh air, colorful rainbows, good friends, fun activities, loved ones, and a life filled with enjoyment and happiness. He also gave us the most important gift of spending eternity with Him, when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior. He has our backs!

“But as for me, I almost lost my footing. My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever” (Psalm 73:2, 23, 26 NLT).

Lessons at the Top

Mount Everest

Courage and tenacity are not limited to extreme sports enthusiasts. We've heard of them; the ones who challenge themselves to not only hike, but attempt to climb the highest mountains in the world. As of December 2024, 7,120 people have reached the summit of Mount Everest!

Back down on earth where the air is easier to breathe, we, as single-again women, have been through our own personal ordeal, and most likely, we can agree there is no pleasure in climbing the mountain of marital disconnect or widowhood. Losing someone hurts like a cut from a sharp knife while washing dishes. It’s sudden and unexpected. Whether we nursed our spouse through sickness to the end or initiated a separation ourselves, it's heartbreaking, nonetheless. 

Marital break-ups, in particular, can be embarrassing, and certainly humiliating, when we finally share the news with family and friends. We put ourselves out there. We trusted the one we loved with all our hearts. We walked down the aisle and made a vow to live happily ever after through health and sickness. 

Then faith and hope were broken without a mere thought behind it. Shattered into a million sharp pieces of despair, discouragement, and dejection. We did our best to repair the damage to no avail. He walked out anyway with a mistress in hand. Ouch! Our tears have filled a canyon--there are none left! Just like the mountain climbers, we now grab onto the lifeline and hold on with all the power and strength we can find while the emotions heal. We soon find out that creating a new life is not quite as difficult as we originally thought. It’s one step at a time, digging in, and moving forward. We can make it–we are on the way up that mountain of ours!

We often have to ask, “Now whom can I trust?” It seems the answer is “No one.” We dare not go through that scene again, right? But, we know in truth, all human beings are filled with flaws. Even us. Sometimes, people we depend on do things to shatter our faith in them in amazing, surprising, and hurtful ways. Even scary ways. 

There is no doubt about it. Regaining a measure of trust once someone has devastated our world requires maturity, insight, and, definitely, tenacity. What can we do about it? How do we get on the right track again? Do we run down the street screaming over dishonesty and selfishness, or do we set responsible boundaries for the next time we're in a relationship? What about our excuses? Didn't we have some part in the drama? There are many lessons to learn here. It will take time. Maybe a lifetime. One thing is for sure: if we don't learn the lessons now, it will certainly happen again. And no one wants that kind of repetition.

Tip of the Day

This is where we discover we can only do so much on our own. We can begin a new life. Check. We can make new friends. Check. We can join a gym and get into shape. Check. We can get a new job if we want. Check. It's just like any new wilderness adventure. What we need is a Guide to show us the way through the valleys to the mountaintop. A Teacher who can connect with us and give us a desire for the real truth. And a Friend who knows the life that will save us from ourselves.

Yes, God gets us! The only One who can do all this for us is our Lord and Savior, Jesus. We can go to Him and talk about betrayal, hurt, and sorrow. He's been there. He knows how it feels to be abandoned. And it's not just about all the overwhelming events that have occurred; He knows about our most treasured dreams too. Thankfully, we can safely place our total trust in Him like no other. He promises that He will never, ever, ever leave us! He loves us that much, inside and out. 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5 NLT).

Be the Acorn!

Meet Jonathan. He is a very large, and somewhat cumbersome, giant tortoise who lives on the island of Saint Helena, a British Overseas Territory in the South Atlantic Ocean. Currently holding the oldest living land animal record, Jonathan is celebrating his 192nd birthday this year (Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia, 23 February 2025)--a true achievement after finishing his first-ever bath in 2017! Imagine all that grime. Worse than any mud-loving kid out there! 

  

Living critters and creatures like Jonathan don’t need to be concerned with building a life that will sustain them through upheaval, upset, and uproar (probably a good reason why they live so long). Our sticky human situations are much more difficult. We’ve had to deal with trying to renovate a life left in shambles. We try to make something new out of something old as we negotiate what we have or do not have. We’ve had to face real answers about who we are deep down inside, where we can thrive and grow, and how to live a life of power and purpose. There have been good and not-so-good days, months, or even years to finally reach this eye-opening point. What we have discovered one step at a time along the way is that we have enough resilience to make it through more than we ever imagined.

Surprisingly, we now arrive intact in new territory! We have a chance now to start over. Without a doubt, we are ready to step off that emotional train without all the baggage and breathe in a fresh new way to live with enthusiasm every day. There is no reason not to trust our instincts that brought us to this destination. We can move forward and begin anew with confidence. 

No one says, however, that we will never face challenges again because we will as long as we are part of this world. Next time there is a problem, we will recognize our own strengths and face difficulties head-on with staying power. Our heart will be in it one hundred percent. The old, worn-out suitcases of fears and insecurities were purposely left behind. They aren’t needed any longer.

Now the important question is: what do we do with the rest of our lives? First, realize, we do have choices, and lots of them. Everything from choosing what city (and climate) to live in--the East, West, South, or North; the style of home to make our own from a single-family house to a condo, to an apartment; various and numerous employment and career opportunities; and whether or not to pursue higher education. This adventure can also include crazy and fun choices like changing the way we look, how we dress, and what kind of hobbies to pursue. And on and on and on. 

Secondly, be aware there are those women who simply give up and never find a life of satisfaction and happiness. They spend their days walking around shrugging their shoulders, living in their pajamas, and not taking responsibility for their own life. But believe this: we’ve all been there to some degree or another. We are just not used to living single lives yet. Many women, however, stay stuck in a sad and empty existence that can go on until the end of their lives. But we do not need to make that kind of choice. Be different! Break the stereotype of the pitied divorcee.

Just reading this "encouragement" blog is an indication we haven’t given up in any way, shape, or form. We fought for the right to create our own lives full of attainable dreams, goals, and new adventures. Thankfully, there are enough ways to do this to fill a library. Getting out there and discovering the best choice for each of us is half the fun. Just never quit--dig in! Remember what Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn." Be the acorn!

Tip of the Day

There are numerous and unique ways to physically reach our potential just by getting out the door every morning and engaging the world. Mentally, we can add to our joy by spending time with good friends, keeping ourselves healthy and energetic in whatever way we can, and building relationships that are full of love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

None of the physical or emotional pathways we find, however, will lead anywhere without the supportive and merciful love of the One True God, who holds the ticket to our next journey. He is anxious to welcome each one of us because He already has our itinerary planned. Really! So, don’t let it go to waste.

“Because we know that this extraordinary day is just ahead, we pray for you all the time--pray that our God will make you fit for what he’s called you to be, pray that he’ll fill your good ideas and acts of faith with his own energy so that it all amounts to something” (2 Thessalonians 1:11 The Message).