Seasons of Friendships

Grow Friendships

When an adult friendship reaches a close, our heart goes through various stages of sadness and despair. This may happen if one or the other moves to a different city or state. We almost wish we could pack our bags and follow. Or perhaps it’s a workplace friendship, and one person changes jobs, and we lose contact. Whatever the reason for the door shutting, it wounds our hearts and takes a while to adjust our thinking patterns. Those are friendships that were separated, not by our choice, but by outside events out of our control, such as job promotions, travel, or even a change in marital status.

This week, we are concentrating on the seasons of friendships that once were beneficial, helpful, and enjoyable to both parties, and then they reach a point of simply drifting off in opposite directions. It has happened to all of us at one time or another, and perhaps we did not understand what caused the void. 

Commonly, it is the attraction, ideas, and mutual interests that brought us together in the first place, and they have now served their purpose. Eventually, we understand the separation is all good for both parties. We each had something to give, something to teach, and something to share with the other. We helped each other grow into beautiful women, turning the pages of our story until we endured the bittersweet ending--both the sadness of “letting go” and the happiness of knowing another remarkable human being for a season.

Unlike college or neighborhood friends, where we probably made a few lifelong connections through shared experiences, as mature adults we meet and get to know others mainly through hobbies, activities, or employment. We enjoy meeting and working alongside these friends and sharing thoughts, understandings, and viewpoints about a large variety of subjects. Some of these friendships develop into something more for us as each one gets to know the other more fully outside work or organizations. We form a way to grow together and see each other as valuable for who we are. There’s no competition. It’s a reliable, give-and-take relationship built on honesty and trust. These friendships tend to last for many years!

At other times, we understand not all acquaintances were meant for a “permanent bond” type of arrangement, and that’s okay. The glue just doesn’t hold and serves no purpose after a while. We helped each other accomplish a goal or sorted through a dilemma, as in a co-worker or teammate. The Book of Ecclesiastes says, “There is a time for everything, and a season [author emphasis] for every activity under heaven.” Much like an “annual” plant that lasts for one growing season. We can not expect every link with another adult will turn into something more. And that is understandable. We all know sometimes we “click” with another person, and sometimes we do not have much in common. Please don’t misinterpret this. We all need as many friends as possible. We should count our blessings when a new one enters our lives.

The important part is finding those few friends whom we can encourage and support, and they can do the same in return. As we spend more time together, we discover how to create the best possible friendship with another human being. We can set aside our own needs (at least for a moment), and be interested enough to find out how their life is proceeding, how to pray for their struggles and needs, and enjoy recreational time together. The friendship grows stronger and lasts longer, just like a perennial plant.

So, here is a searching question: what do we know about our friends? We may know the “basics” of what they are all about, but we could challenge ourselves further with these often-ignored subjects that will move a conversation along and help us grow closer to create a bond. 

Tip of the Day

Building friendships may or may not be easy. Some of us may find it quite difficult if we are shy, quiet, or not confident in ourselves. Or we could be that person who never stops talking but dominates every conversation. Wherever we find ourselves on the friendship scale, just know that God made each of us for relationships; to be helpers and encouragers to each other. This is one reason why he created both Adam and Eve. They needed each other. It’s true–we need each other too.

“If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble” (Ecclesiastes 4:10 NLT).

What is Your Message?

Keep adding to your bucket!

You may have heard about this before, but just in case, here's a review. In 2007 Hollywood produced the movie, The Bucket List, which was all at once humorous and insightful. Complete strangers asked themselves if they had accomplished all they wanted to in life before it was too late. They decided they needed a list of things to do that they had never gotten around to doing. This whole concept became very popular for many of us!

Now that we are on the way to reinventing our lives exactly the way we want, we encourage you to start a list of your own. It can be serious, silly, or simple. It might be something you've done before but not in a very long time. Or it might be daring and adventurous (safety first though!). These might seem ridiculous to family and friends. But all that counts is this list is real and important to you--no one else. While you are thinking, let's have some fun.  

Top 9 FSM Bucket Gems

1. Dress up and go out on a Wednesday afternoon for no particular reason.
2. Pick pumpkins at a local family farm. 
3. Paint a piece of furniture poppy pink (try chalk paint, it's easy!)
4. Put on some dance music when it's too quiet.
5. Send yourself flowers.
6. Find two other single-again friends and take a class together.
7. Sleep in the middle of the bed.
8. Eat dessert first before a meal.
9. Save up and buy a beautiful gemstone ring on Valentine's Day.

There are a million more things you can do. Keep thinking and you could create categories of bucket lists for yourself: a Bucket List for. . . home, career, health, travel, kids, budget, adventure, etc etc. You've got the idea. Keep the momentum going! 

Tip of the Day

Speaking of lists we need to get going, a very important one not to skip would be a journal-type list (that means you start it and then keep it going!) Although this one is private and confidential, you'll see it's necessary and meaningful to our lives. 

How many of us wish we could be closer to having a relationship with God? Maybe we have not ever asked the Lord into our lives. Or maybe we have asked Him, but then never continued the journey with Him.

So we need a relationship bucket list as a starting point. This would be a continuous journal entry to add items daily, or weekly, or when ever you need to speak to Him. Here's three items to get started

1. If I haven't already, I need Jesus in my life. Just ask Him.

2. I need a Christian Bible to find out what God wants for me. 

3. We have all sinned, so now is the time to ask Jesus for forgiveness.

For "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved" (Romans 10:13 NLT).

"If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved" (Romans 10:9 NLT).

 

Smiles Are Contagious, Be A Carrier

Happiness comes to everyone eventually!

We can really only laugh about life. That unavoidable season we love to hate is called aging. And yes, it's a real eye-opener when we realize we're old enough for our savings to start paying off!

Survival, mid-life or otherwise, will only come with a good measure of laughter! We all know that no one on this planet has yet been able to stop time, banish the wrinkles, and lift enough skin to make us look 23 again. But people keep trying! 

So, the better choice is to have a sense of humor, because it happens to everyone eventually.

Enjoy a smile with these unexpected blessings about maturity:
1. We can have "lights out" before our college kids even leave on a date.
2. Karaoke is our favorite music with words.
3. We can eat breakfast for dinner and lunch for breakfast.
4. Our grandkids are shocked if we know the identity of One Direction.
5. A good party begins at 7pm and ends at 10pm.

See how many more you can add to this fun list!

It wasn't so long ago that age was honored as one who had gained wisdom through life experiences. Of course, we didn't reach each decade without ever knowing anything, regardless of what the Post-Millennial generation, aka iGeneration, thinks (apparently, those are necessary descriptions since we ran out of the alphabet with the X, Y, and Z Generations). You're still smiling, right?

Tip of the Day

What do you imagine God thinks about all this self-admiration? Quite a lot, matter of fact. One only needs to read the Old Testament to see that vanity isn't just a modern problem. It began way, way back in the Garden of Eden and continued right along into the New Testament and has now caught up to this century.

Among God's descriptions of a wise person, He uses the words humble and understanding, one who invites counsel, and one who fears (respects) the Lord. He is serious about this aging thing!

No matter what our age, from 20s to 40s to 60s and beyond, we can welcome the fact that we belong to Him who IS wisdom. The good news: we can work towards that beautiful goal and help each other along the way, sisters! Heaven waits.

"Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God" 1 Peter 3:3-4 NLT.

What Makes You Comfortable?

Lavendar = Comfort

What is your favorite means of comfort? For many, it is the luxurious, fragrant, deep, warm water of a bath to soak in for hours, especially after a stressful day. A cozy bed with lots of blankets and clean sheets in a cool room can put some (uh-hum, I think I qualify) into deep, relaxing sleep.

To make it even better, my earplugs and a sleep mask are heavenly! Or as the candy companies already know, chocolate is a definite favorite, melting in our mouths. Ice cream too! There are thousands of ways to feel comfort. Some are good and some are detrimental to our health.

As single-again women, sometimes it's difficult to find the comfort and affection we need and long for regularly. So what positive things can we do about it? First, let's stop and remember, we have a brand new life now. It will not be the same as in the past. And that's not always a bad thing, ladies! It's been said that many women are lonelier within their marriages than when they divorce. Huh? Yes, there is a difference between being lonely and being alone. One is positive and one is negative. You know which one is which.

So let's get creative and find what will make us comfortable. Start with our home. Does it need an uplifting, fun color on the walls of some rooms? How about in your bedroom? It's usually suggested to stick with calm, neutral colors or pastels, especially blue. Definitely not bright eye-blinding colors unless you want to stay up all night with the owls. The furniture could be the next thing. Like a deep, comfy sofa that "hugs" you. Yes, yes, I know there are those of you who love leather. I would have to decline on that choice as it is cold in the winter and sweaty hot in the summer. Torture in my book, but heh, smile, it's your choice. Have fun with it all!

Tip of the Day

Aside from all that revamping of your surroundings, which is important, how about the actual physical side? Of course, if you choose, there is dating on the horizon, but I won't get into that since I am definitely not a psychologist. Except to say simply, take care of yourself. You are precious in God's sight, and He loves you. You know what I mean.

I am suggesting you surround yourself with friends and family. People who support your decisions and are not stingy with hugs. Friends who will be there when you are having a bad night to hold your hand while you get used to your fabulous new journey. And if you have children still in the house, you hug them. They will hug back for sure. They will feel loved as much as you.

One thing is for absolute certain. The Bible says God is there to hold your hand anytime you need it; day or night! That's called Comfort with a capital "C." Hang tight, dear one, ask Him and He will reach you with a very strong hand for as long as you need it.

"Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand".
(Psalm 37:24 NLT)

Choosing Our Path

Ready to cycle? Or how about a scooter?

We have just about made it through another year. So while we wait, we can start dreaming about where we want to go in the coming year. No serious plans right now--just a fun peek into the future.

Wheels of any kind--bicycles, motorcycles, scooters, Ferris wheels, roller skates, potters' wheels, and all those planes, trains, and automobiles--have one thing in common and one purpose: momentum. Once they start moving, it's very hard to get them to stop. Sort of like ourselves?

Maybe we didn't choose this life path, and we still feel a little shaky, but our single-again lives are moving whether we want them to or not. The questions are which direction, how fast, and who is at the wheel? If 10mph was the speed we couldn't get past this year, then it's time to step on the gas a bit.

Direction
Where do we want to go in the first place? The wheels are moving, so this is no time to let go! Surely there are things we really want to do with our lives. Maybe a new job that will fit our gifts and talents. It could be finding a better place to live or even moving to a town/city we have always loved. Anything is possible! Just ask God.

Speed
Is the time now? Or will it take six months to prepare? We may need to map out how fast we can get to our dream place. We could even take a vacation to that new town and check out a place to live and a job. "Two birds with one stone" we might say!

Control
"It's never too late to be what you might have been". (T. S. Eliot, American Poet)

Maybe we begin a new season by jotting down plans in a journal. When we see it on paper, it becomes real. Attainable. Possible. We might register for that upcoming class. We can ask for that job promotion. Now is the time to stick our necks out for our dreams once and for all. We don't look back.

Tip of the Day

Being single-again, we are responsible for not only ourselves, but our children too, if we have them. No one else is going to do this for us (nor would we want them to). Only when we rely on God and try, are we going to arrive at a point of accomplishment which builds our confidence so we can do even more.

God is watching. He knows where we are going and is ready to help us at any time. Just ask. 

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20 NLT).

Consistent Steps Will Get You There

It's a must. We have to take care of ourselves now more than ever. That's if we don't want to see a "hag" in the mirror one morning and scare ourselves half to death. It's especially important if we have children at home yet to take care of. Otherwise, we may find them eating from the family pet's food bowl! 

Here's the question: how do we gain the strength we lost while dealing with re-inventing our lives? Being physically exhausted and emotionally fatigued prevents us from living to our fullest capacity. And it only lines the pockets of our doctors (sorry, physicians, aren't you always telling us "Take care, now" as we go out the door?)

Not feeling our very best blocks us from doing what we need and want to do to survive. Don't you have some new plans now for yourself? I mean, think about it, you don't want to repeat what you went through in the past, do you? Of course not, because all the dreams you had while still married can now be fulfilled to perfection--no one is holding you back. Yeah, world! I can do this.    

Feeling down all the time and not caring to get back up also keeps us from creating the abundant joy we crave. I'm not saying it all needs to be done at once. Being drained requires that we take small and specific, but consistent, steps on the road to recovery. 

We can help no one else until we take care of our physical selves. This is not a selfish thing! We need the energy to get to tomorrow. We’ve heard it before--participate in a good nutrition plan, regular exercise, and even fun and exciting ways to pamper ourselves. Those are the first building blocks to physical and emotional health. The way in which we do it, or not (I hate exercise but love the pampering), will be different for each one of us. And at a different pace. Whatever you feel you can do at the moment is the right step for you. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Just keep the momentum going!  

Tip of the Day

Our spiritual well-being is an even more important connection to wholeness. Without this support, nothing else in our life will work properly. No worries, though, because the Lord provides the necessary solid rock to grab onto when we feel we will fall. He is the Rock, solid as can be. Remember that a home built on sand will not stand. 

He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken (Psalm 62:2 NLT). 

TGIT

Did you guess the title of this episode? Nope! This isn't a message about any kind of drugs. This is going to be a TGIT kind of fun!

Since the weekend will be here before we know it, let's start thinking about how much enjoyment we are getting out of life right now. We already know spending day after day in front of a TV is not healthy (it eats up brain cells) and is definitely discouraging.

We have the freedom now; what can we do to increase our purpose and fun? How do we meet new friends? Where is our creativity? Are we setting a good example for our kids and other single friends, and family?

The key? Finding a life-hobby is the best answer to so many dilemmas. If you are feeling bored, depressed, lonely, sad, lacking friends (of either gender), or experiencing fatigue, the solution is to get moving and stay engaged with life! It's simply up to you. It only takes 21 days to create a new habit. You can do this!

Grab a notebook/pen, use your five senses and start adding activities you've been missing out on to this list. Most even have clubs/groups to join (the friend aspect):

• Smell - Nature: gardening, visiting parks/sights, hiking, jogging, cycling
• Taste - Cooking, baking, ethnic dishes, salads, sides, desserts; Volunteer idea: soup kitchen
• Sound - Musical, learning an instrument, dancing, attending concerts, friends of the symphony; Volunteer idea: join worship band at church
• Touch - Games, board games, playing cards, chess/checkers, puzzles; Volunteer idea: senior center
• Sight - Library, reading/book clubs, computers, classes, book sales, books, DVDs, audio; Volunteer idea: children's hour

How would you answer this question at your next friendly gathering:"So, what do you do for fun?"

Tip of the Day

Do you own a Bible? You'd be amazed at how many subjects, tips, suggestions, prayers, stories, etc are included in the pages. You can go online and purchase one, or any Christian church will be glad to offer one to you for free! 

"And now, dear...sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
Keep putting into practice all you learned...Then the God of peace will be with you" (Philippians 4:8-9 NLT).