Souls on Fire

Ready to catch your soul on fire?

There are many, many ways to move in and out of our world; to bring the positives back into our lives. But we'll need to limit it to just a few and build on that as we run into the next chapter with all the joy we deserve. One thing is certain: life never stands still. No, not for anyone. If this has been a year of mishaps, misgivings, and missed opportunities, it's time to set our "souls on fire!"   

There are five easy ways to get our momentum back! Ready? Just think of the word Grace as an acronym. Grace is simply receiving the gifts of favor and kindness from a loving God who believes us to be deserving of all of His blessings.  

Grateful thoughts - every single day brings enough to be thankful about to fill an ocean. Sunrises, lattes, children's laughter, our health and safety, friends, books, gardens, hugs, pets, music, God's creation, and most importantly, His promise of heaven for all eternity. (Psalm 105:1)

Refreshing efforts - along with that sunrise, if we get outdoors each day and breathe in and out, our health can't help but improve in amazing ways. Then we will naturally want to eat healthy and move our bodies, too. Our energy level will soar! Our outlook will change in remarkable ways. (Psalm 147:8)

Abiding attitudes - regaining our happiness is major for ourselves and those around us! We can choose to live in bitterness and an unforgiving environment, but we will never be happy. We can't have it both ways. Once mistakes are learned, our unhappy past has no purpose whatsoever. Today is all we are promised. Not tomorrow, not next week, nor next year. Today is the present. Live in it! (2 Thessalonians 3:16)

Calm temperaments - to regain a sense of who we are meant to be is to find out and practice ways to remain calm and composed. This is easier for some women than others. Only you know you. A common cause of staying upset all the time, full of anxiety, and living in depression is harboring and entertaining worries consistently. God never wants that for us! (Matthew 6:25-32)

Expressing love - "Let me count the ways!" Nothing will move us faster into God's will than spilling the very best of ourselves into the lives of others. Just a simple smile can do it. Laughter and a hug upon seeing a friend (without complaining about our lives) can fill both of us. Give love. Get love. (2 John 1:6)         

Tip of the Day
So, if we truly want a better life full of love, laughter, meaning, and purpose, it's up to us. There is no one else walking on the face of this earth who will do it for us. However, we most certainly have Someone on our side 24-7. Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior? He's there, waiting. Using your own words, just let Him know you are ready to make that decision. 

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago" (Ephesians 2:10 NLT).

  

Shattered into Pieces

Shattered & Broken

It's absolutely no picnic at all to lose someone. It hurts. It's heartbreaking. And it's even embarrassing. We put ourselves out there. We put our trust in the one we loved with all our hearts. We walked down the aisle and made a vow.

Amazingly, the trust was broken without a thought behind it. Shattered into pieces. We did our best to repair the damage. He walked out anyway. The tears have filled a dam--there are none left! Now we grab on, hold on, and move on with all the courage and strength we can find while the wounds heal. Sound familiar?

We often have to ask, ‘Now who can I trust?’ It seems the answer is ‘No one.’ We don't dare do that again, right? But we know that all human beings are filled with flaws. Even us. Sometimes, people we trust do things to ruin that trust in amazing, surprising, and hurtful ways. Even scary ways.

There is no doubt about it. It is extremely difficult to regain a measure of trust once someone has devastated our world. What do we do about it? How do we get on the right track again? Do we run down the street screaming over the dishonesty and selfishness, or do we set responsible boundaries for the next time we're in a relationship? What about our own excuses? Didn't we have some part in this drama? There are many lessons to learn here. It will take time. One thing is for sure: if we don't learn the lessons now, it will certainly happen again.

Lessons at the Top
This is where we discover we can only do so much on our own. We can begin a new life. Check. We can make new friends. Check. We can join a gym and get into shape. Check. We can get a new job if we want. Check. It's just like any new wilderness adventure. What we really need is a Guide to show us the way through the valleys to the mountaintop. A Teacher who can connect with us and give us a desire for the real truth. And a Friend who knows the life that will save us from ourselves.
He gets us!

Tip of the Day

The only One who can do all this is our Lord and Savior, Jesus. He gets us! We can go to Him and really talk about the betrayal, hurt, and sorrow. It's O.K., He's been there. And it's not just about all the overwhelming events that have occurred; He knows about our most treasured dreams, too. Thankfully, we can safely place our total trust in Him like no other. His promise is that He will never ever, ever, ever leave us! He loves us that much, inside and out.

Listen! Do you hear your Counselor knocking at your door?
"Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends." Revelation 3:20 NLT.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 NLT.

Who is the Best Architect?

Build a house on solid rock

The oldest timber frame house in America, the Fairbanks House, built in the year 1637 in Dedham, Massachusetts, still stands after 388 years! Generations upon generations of kids chasing up and down the hallways, big messy spills in the kitchen, skid marks on the wooden floors, broken windows, annoying roof leaks, and plumbing and heating issues; yet, it still stands (now a historic house museum)!

What amazing construction and solid foundation began endless chapters of this story that would stand through births, celebrations, marriages, and yes, divorces. There were not even any home improvement stores down the street. The original owner/architect surely required the workers/builders to listen to his direction and wise expertise. The result remains!

Whether it is a townhouse, condominium, mansion, ranch home, apartment, or mobile home, attempting to build our unique abode--our safety zone--without the correct tools, materials, and know-how will quickly shake our foundation like a six-point-three earthquake! 

We naturally want our new life to stand on its own for a very long time. Think of a brick home built on solid rock rather than unpredictable sand. We are not speaking of the physical building we choose to live in, but rather how we build, secure, and protect our future. A bright and desirable future.

We start by putting some effort into discovering what went wrong in our past so that we prevent repeating the same mistakes. Another marriage may be what some of us eventually want, but none of us want the same scene, identical arguments, or the hurt and pain that comes with unfaithfulness and certainly not abuse of any kind. 

Scrutiny will give us insight into how to re-adjust and improve our thinking and actions in any new relationship. This is not a “blame and shame” game. There is no room for that here. This is an honest look at the original “blueprint” of our life that appeared perfect during “construction,” but contained hidden cracks and imperfect design right from the beginning.

Many of us will do ourselves a favor by seeking out a licensed therapist to talk through the issues that are dragging us down. But to simply prepare for such a meeting or to get us thinking on the right track, we can begin asking ourselves some hard, but important questions. The answers must come from our own frank, open, and sincere observations. Without spending time finding answers to some questions, the “new” home we are trying to build will mysteriously feel just like the “old” home.

Give yourself plenty of  time. Maybe jot down just one question and answer per day in a journal. Then add more thoughts as issues become apparent. Remember, no one will see these pages unless we choose to show them. This is just a way to examine ourselves and get to the bottom of the mire.

These are by no means all the issues to consider when thinking about another relationship. We are smart women and now know what we need in a relationship, and what we don’t. How we get the relationship God intends for us will require caution, personal examination, and daily conversation with God.

Tip of the Day

God (our Best Architect) wisely advises us to listen to him and follow his direction, especially in relationships. He asks this of us so that we will remain protected under his loving hand and so that we will have adequate shelter from the storms of life that threaten to destroy us. The best blueprint for our home on earth is recorded in the chapters between Genesis through Revelation in the Holy Bible. Be sure to check this none-like-it “Answer Book” when completing your journal.

“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash” (Matthew 7:24-27 NL T).

Strong Woman: Yes, You!

Go ahead, try it!

Let's face it. No beating around the bush. Once we become single again, most likely we will need to either find an alternative income source or a regular job leading to a great career. Even if we have all the money we need, sitting around with nothing to do is boring, unproductive, and detrimental to our social life! Just remember what Oscar Wilde, the famous Irish poet and playwright, once said, “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” This might be the perfect quote to hang up where we can see it every day!

Five “Strong Woman” Clues to a Better Life

• Our health and happiness will blossom with the right job or career
• Taking the risk to improve our position will energize us
• Relationships on the job create friendships with those in the same situation
• We will establish ways to find new interests, hobbies, and opportunities

The Wrong Thing at the Right Time

All of this searching may seem scary at first, like looking over the edge of a skyscraper. We may just want to curl up or disappear, but eventually, we will have to face the world again. The good thing is that once we step out on our own, it gets easier and easier to find our freedom. It’s all about choosing a life of love and joy and putting one foot in front of the other. Don’t just take a job because it’s there. That’s a mistake made by many, many women, and it turns them into bitter and resentful people. It’s the wrong thing at the right time.

Some of us are planners from way back. We like the wonderful feeling of things running smoothly--it’s like the taste of a soft-serve ice cream cone. Life is yummy! Organizing is at the top of our list because we hate not being able to find things when we need something. Some of us are not in that camp! Deep down, we like the excitement and constant flow of adrenaline, but, admittedly, we could probably use the help of a professional organizing team to dig us out of the mess.

Tip of the Day

We realize rather quickly, trying to do life alone was never meant for us humans. Yes, it is hard. Harder than we ever knew it would be as a single-again woman. No one said it would be all roses and chocolates. However, if we stop and take a breath, we’ll find out that this adversity in our lives is exactly how our faith can grow. Part of that growth step is recognizing there are all sorts of support groups, counselors, church groups, and best friends to call on when we are depressed and despondent. There is no need to stay in the house and allow our feelings to overwhelm and convince us to give up. That is never a solution to anything.

So what is the very best answer for each one of us? It’s accepting the One who cares about us more than anyone could ever imagine. God knows what we need (not want) the most and what our future is all about. God created us, so of course, he knows all our hurts, pains, frustrations, and depressions. He sees our story on the “Big Screen” from beginning to end. Whereas, we can only look at our life through a narrow lens one day at a time. Otherwise, it would be too overwhelming because he has so many good and wonderful things planned for us. God is willing to direct our steps until we reach his ideal for our perfect life. Our part is just to cooperate!

“Commit your actions to the LORD, and your plans will succeed” (Proverbs 16:3 NLT).

Big Makeover

Taking a risky turn in life is pretty common, wouldn't you agree? The truth is, it's never too late to make changes for the better. Some improvements are fairly easy to make like taking classes elsewhere. Or getting our hair re-styled. Relocating from one city to another might take more planning and daring, but it can be done. 

We wouldn't sit in front of our mirrors and apply makeup without knowing what we are doing. Likewise, we need to find out what we really want to do now that we are single-again. It doesn’t matter if we are twenty-two, forty-two, or seventy-two. If we haven’t achieved our dream, we still have decisions to make. 

So, we can get serious and make a plan for the “big makeover.” One thing we don't want to do is nothing, as it traps us in that big, dark "hole" we fell into long ago. It's time to admit now that many years have gone by and nothing has happened in our little brains. C. P. Sennett, the author and multi-award-winning business owner, once said, "If nothing changes, then nothing changes.”

Instead of regretting our procrastination--and never accomplishing our dreams–we recognize each day as a new beginning. It’s a fresh start. It holds another twenty-four hours of opportunity. It contains numerous possibilities we haven't even thought of yet. Remember, it's never too late to begin again as long as we don't give up! Quitting has never accomplished anything; it only gives the next woman in line a chance. 

Further, nothing says we can't do it on our own as women either. Sure, we know about the founders of some of the largest software/tech companies. But plenty of women have had their multi-million dollar successes. Of course, not without hard work.

Cultivating Ideas and Learning by Example

Imagine how some of the most successful women have been examples to all of us. There are so many we can barely name all of them. Here are just a few for you to consider:

• Arianna Huffington, co-founder and former editor-in-chief of the news website HuffPost (my favorite).
• Michelle Rhee, American Educator. Founded StudentsFirst, a non-profit organization for education reform.
• Three women listed among the top 20 Christian women who shaped history: Florence Nightingale, Susan B. Anthony, and Evangeline Cory Booth

All of these women are good examples for us to follow. Get to the library  and check out their biographies because we are all winners!   

Tip of the Day

What special idea is on your horizon? It can be absolutely anything we choose. Something that will fill us with joy and contentment. Only God knows what is right for our lives. Having a Guide to help us along the way, however, will make our dreams come alive. God created us inside and out with a unique purpose. He even created that horizon way out there that contains our dreams. 

The best part is the “Helper” God left for us to figure it all out! He will motivate, watch over us, supply endless direction, and give us the encouragement we’ll need to move forward. His name is the Holy Spirit and he lives inside our hearts forever once we ask Jesus to be our Savior. How could we possibly go wrong?

“No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it [yet], but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead” (Philippians 3:13 NLT)

Can't Get There from Here

Not too late to plant currants!

Have you noticed? Summer arrived a little too soon this year, and the kids couldn't wait to jump in a pool somewhere! However, not everyone enjoys the heat of summer days, sweating through the humidity and hoping our hair won’t wilt, slathering on suntan lotion with an SPF higher than the outside temperature, and slapping away pesky flying and crawling critters! And now, the “dog days” of summer are nearly over. 

When we think about what's next, many people have no reason to whine about the fall with all its fascinating colors and familiar smells. Falling leaves, pumpkin farms, corn mazes, great food, and harvest activities bring us right into the Christmas season. 

It takes a few of these seasons to figure out how to navigate brand-new traditions as single-again women. But let’s set aside the fluff talk for now; this is reality. One unvarnished truth to realize right away: there is life after we go our separate ways! Yet, time does not stand still for us, so at this point, we may ask, why is it, then, so hard? 

The key many of us forget is that this new life is not our old life (thankfully), nor should we expect it to be the same. It's just different, that's all. And, although scary at times, different can be enjoyable, beautiful, and delightful depending on how much effort we put into it. Think of all the times we’ve dreamed of doing things differently, but couldn’t for one reason or another. Now is our chance!

Hopefully, we are now anxious to start creating new memories. It’s all up to us. So let’s have a little fun. First, go to an office supply store and get a new, colorful twelve or sixteen-month calendar (hint: it's depressing to look at an old calendar!) Yes, we all know a digital calendar on our smartphone or tablet is convenient, but it can’t be compared to the uplifting benefits of a visual calendar. You’ll see.

Fill it not only with family birthdays and occasions but, more to the point, with all the new, fun things to do for the upcoming year. When does that college class in creative writing begin? When and where is the best ski trip with friends taking place? Who are you planning on visiting in the summer? What is the best time to plant roses? Plan as many enjoyable days as possible; those thirty or thirty-one little boxes need to come alive!

Perhaps the most important time to prepare for is the major holidays. Remember, being different is a good thing. Who says we have to keep all the old decorations around? Try donating it all to charity and start fresh. Go from all green and red (if that’s how it’s been for years) to gold and white, or all silver and woodsy. Move the furniture around and leave it permanently that way after the holidays. If none of this sounds fun, forget it all and go on a holiday cruise with another single friend to a tropical island (don’t forget to put it on your visual calendar). And smile!

Speaking of friends, this is the season of our lives that making new acquaintances is the best thing we can do for ourselves. No big commitment, just a way to be a friend to get a friend. Sitting in the house alone day after day will get us nowhere fast! Amazingly, it won’t be long before we find others with the same single lifestyle (and we are not talking about “singles clubs” either). We can begin to share ideas and similar activities and go to new places with others. One clue: avoid familiar places from the past. That’s just asking for trouble. 

There are just so many ways to create joy and peace in our lives throughout the year. We are powerful women with gifts, abilities, and talents. Using these to our greatest advantage will fill us with all the love we desire from others, for others, and ourselves.

Tip of the Day

Finally, be grateful for new beginnings. As time passes from year to year, we will be able to look around and see where we have been and where new adventures are bringing us. We never need to do this life alone, either. We have a Spiritual Helper--our Lord Jesus--that we can call on to give us all the support we will ever need!

“Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything--and I do mean everything--connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life--a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you” (Ephesians 4:23-24 The Message).

Once a Mom, Always a Mom

Innocent, quiet for now! Enjoy!

Moms of toddlers, teens, and everything in between can chuckle and nod knowingly when we say, "It was so much easier when they were innocent, quiet babies!" But we know that was when we had some measure of control over our children. Now it's non-stop chatter, running, jumping, and wrestling with siblings. Where, oh where, do they get all that energy? we often question.

We celebrate moms because someone once said, “Once a mom, always a mom” which, of course, is so very true. [*Please note that we are including every mom who has given birth at some time in their lives. Even if the child is in the arms of Jesus right now or being raised by another family (for whatever reason), we recognize the heartfelt love of this birth mom.] 

We have spent sleepless nights with a crying baby, had to rush over to talk with the school principal about yet another incident, and waited up to all hours when our teen missed curfew. But we still love our children dearly and wouldn't exchange them, even if we could. Our primary responsibility as parents is to guide and direct our children's steps, which can become a problem in itself. 

Of course, this doesn't come without some struggles and difficulties. The steps and stages we go through with motherhood will forever be in our minds. Who does not have one or even two baby books to mark every occasion with a wisp of hair or the first tooth? Plenty of photos at birthday parties, holidays, and everyday outings at the playground. Eventually, though, this becomes increasingly difficult as we have a second, third, or fourth child (how many is that, you say?). 

How do some moms make it look so easy? Look is the keyword here. Certainly, I am not an expert on this subject, but I did raise two boys. One thing I know, it is advisable to search for what the experts say about parenting and to stay informed on the subject. Even just a quick search on the internet will yield so many resources that we would need several thumb drives to save them all into a digital library. Just be sure to verify credentials and save only reliable and well-known child experts, such as WebMD, Parents (they have an entire family of magazines), and Focus on the Family, to name but a few.

Raising healthy and well-adjusted children requires more than an ounce of gentleness, patience, and self-control on our part. No doubt about it, no matter their age! For example, when children live with a harsh or violent parent, they will likely learn to be harsh and violent to some degree. And the opposite is also true. Developing a kind and quiet nature ourselves will go far in modeling what we may want to see in our grown children someday. 

If we are simply looking for ways to improve our parenting skills (and who isn't?), the following four tips for maintaining sanity should get the ball rolling:

• Join a mom's group such as MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers at mops.org) 
• Best book in print is: Boundaries With Kids by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
• Raise children in a Christian home and church where they can grow, learn, and play
• Best Power Source: prayer, prayer, and more prayer for ourselves and our children! (Philippians 4:6a NLT).

Tip of the Day 

One of the best examples of love and kindness towards children was demonstrated by Jesus himself. True, He was not a mom! But because He is God, He is our heavenly Father. So He knows the feeling when we wonder about doing all we can for our child. He can be our very best Friend in our most important role. We can make sure to include Him in all our ways and days!

“But Jesus said, ‘Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.’ And he placed his hands on their heads and blessed them before he left” (Matthew 19:14-15 NLT).

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6 NIV).