Yes You Can

It's been an extremely hectic 30 days. Have you ever felt that way? Bet you have!

I'm working on trying to "restore" balance to my life right now and will take a two week break. 

So, meantime, I leave you with this tid-bit to think about that I just read:

"Your life will run more smoothly if you simplify." Hmmm. 

I'll be back soon. I promise!

Tangible Dreams

Time Doesn't Stand Still

How do we find enough hours to get anything done in our ultra-busy, keyboard world? Are we ever satisfied with life and its imperfections? Some of us grew up under a firm hand that required perfection as if it were a prerequisite for Life 101! These daily headaches not only made us stressed, but they also taught us to expect the world, our world, to never fall under a human mistake of any kind, creating a cracked sense of rigidness. 

Later in life, we may have even lived with a spouse who expected the same hypercritical pattern in his wife. All of this craziness produced deep regret and turned us into stressed-out women.

That was then, and this is now. We’ve been given a chance to make all things new. Our lives may still feel like a whirlwind, but feelings can't be trusted. They change from moment to moment, day to day. One day, we “feel” like the blue dress in our closet is perfect for us. The next day, we hate everything about it. We bought a set of new dishes because we were excited about the floral pattern. The next week, the pattern clashed with everything in our kitchen. We “feel” like our neighbor hates us, the next moment, she is our “best” friend. 

What doesn’t change is that we are smart women (we still have the same brain we were born with ) who have been through enough now to know what we do and do not want and deserve. We may not know quite how to get it just yet, but we have ideas running around in our heads.

All of this talk will do nothing unless we try and apply what we have learned. So, let’s get more practical:

• Sit down and start a notebook. Yes, the “old-school” spiral kind--it’s anti-lethargic and a way to get the momentum going. Get all those what-do-I-do-now thoughts out of our heads and onto paper. Every time we think of something that could make life better, write it down, no matter how silly. They will become real ambitions, something we hope to do or achieve. In the process of letting things out that are weighing on our brains, the strain and pressure we’ve been experiencing will stop giving us headaches.
• Get some colorful dividers and label different categories that are important for the future. Examples: Dreams, Designs, and Drawings. Keep it simple, one tab for each. Plans, Patterns, and Projects. Keep going. Have fun with it! Everyone will have widely different subjects, and we can add to it at any time. Whatever matters should have a tab.
• A visual person can cut out photos from magazines and paste them into a notebook. It is like a Pinterest page but in real time! Try not to just rely on the internet. Make it personal and private. A tactile person can draw, paint, color, or have fun with mixed-media pages incorporating fabrics and found objects. By the way, if there are still children at home, show them how to start their own “Dream Notebook.” It’s never too early to get excited!

Now we are on a roll. As this project develops, we will have tangible proof of our dreams and wishes for a better life. It will all make sense, but don’t get overwhelmed by trying to do everything all at once. That would be the perfect ingredient for disaster. Let the ideas in this notebook be a reminder to stay on track until each goal is met one by one. Yes, smart women can make this happen!

Tip of the Day

The best news is that God is on our side. He did not cause us to be so weary and worried. He has a lot to say about how to achieve a life that makes a difference, and living with discontentment is not one of his blessings. 

Making ourselves frantic if the pillowcases don’t get white enough in the laundry will rob us of joy. This is why it is so important to get in touch with God daily. First thing in the morning, while the coffee, tea, or hot chocolate brews, is the perfect time to ask what plans God has for us today. He has the perfect answer!

“What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. ‘Anything is possible if a person believes’” (Mark 9:23 NLT).

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT).

Wiser by the Moment

Where is my phone?

There are days when life travels so fast we rarely make the time to turn our heads for a moment to see where we came from and where we are going. We may hold down a job or work from home, but hours fly faster than we can catch up. And don’t think retired women spend all their time rocking in a chair either. Their lives are just as busy as when they were employed; it’s just the scenery has changed.

One common culprit is the cell phone. With 7.2 billion smartphones worldwide, we can see why. Bet you could guess China is the #1 with 975 million smartphone users. The U.S. is #3 with only 276 million users. Ha! Got you! [Source: explodingtopics.com]

Every now and then, though, it’s a good idea to unplug, slow down, look back, and perform a friendly evaluation of where we have landed. We can build what is called “margin” in our lives by creating specific times of peace and quiet. Really. 

Just get in the habit of turning off all the technology screens (phone, TV, computer, etc) at a certain time each evening. This way, we “power down” our busy day, and our minds begin to relax and get ready to sleep. We can use this time to read (not on a screen, though!), journal, or just listen to quiet music. It is simply amazing how well this works, especially for those of us who deal with excess stress, sleep disorders, or physical limitations. Everyone needs a nightly relaxation period to train the brain to wind down and stop.

If we don’t want a repeat of our past, it’s to our advantage to mentally retrace how far we have traveled and what we have accomplished. There are two ways to compare how we are doing: what didn’t work before and what is working now.

Wide-Eyed Wishing: What Didn’t Work

Many of us were perhaps too young when we married the first time. We didn’t take the time to fully know the one we quickly said, “I do!” to, nor did we even know ourselves yet. We sat down and made a plan to walk down the aisle, but not much more. There was no lifelong plan involving shared responsibilities, decisions, and growth that included both of us. 

Did we talk about how important continuing education was to us, when, how, or if we would start a family, and who would handle the finances? Did we observe his reactions to family get-togethers, holidays, and special occasions? Did we make decisions about careers together? How did he treat not only us but other women in general? And most importantly, did we discuss how our faith, or lack of it, would affect each other? 

The list goes on and on, but were we even aware that we should evaluate those basic life questions before buying the wedding dress? At such a young age, we perhaps lacked the experience needed to deal with and avoid repeated scenes that could cause us damage and destruction. Frankly, we had no idea what we were doing. And because of our innocence, we lost ourselves in a forest of nothingness. We lived a “half-life,” never developing our talents and abilities. Finally, we matured, gained insight, and found the strength we needed to make better decisions.

Wiser Women: What’s Working Now

Learning from past stumbles and falls, we have been able to dust ourselves off and choose better goals and habits, creating a more “fully-developed life.” Our hearts spill over with joy just knowing a whole new way to live is possible; enthusiasm goes a long way in getting us to this point. 

Sure, not every single day goes smoothly, no one said it would. We are human, after all, and this is real life. It gets hard sometimes for all of us living on our own. But we are not alone in this truth when we have each other to lean on. The key is how we respond to all the messiness. 

We each have to decide what that looks like for our own lives, not for our friend’s life, not for our sister’s, mother’s, or aunt’s life, but what positive thing we can do when life gets us down. It’s all about making a wise choice. With all the confidence we now have (and it will increase every day with practice), we know we can survive at least the next twenty-four hours!

Tip of the Day

We need a Guidebook to help us through life. Wiser words have never been spoken than in the first nine chapters of the Book of Proverbs in the Bible. We can use those as an indicator to weigh how our lives are going.

If we haven't quite reached the point where we want our lives to be, studying and meditating on these nurturing words of God will make it very clear what we need to do. Give it a try!

“Wisdom is far more valuable than rubies. Nothing you desire can compare with it” (Proverbs 8:11) NLT.

A Very Good Feeling!

Pulling into the station: a very good feeling!

Receiving any job promotion (paid or volunteer) can be exciting. Whether we advance to lead marketing specialist, data analyst, gardener, head waitress, senior saleswoman, book seller, or software engineer doesn't matter. We are finally being recognized for our ability. 

That is a big deal because it means someone believes in us! We worked hard and long for this day, even though it meant overtime hours in some cases, taking on extra work, and stepping in when no one else would. But we were dedicated and did what we had to do to get the job done. We did it! We arrived like a delayed train, finally pulling into the station, and that’s a very good feeling.

Instinctively, we knew our strength and tenacity would continue to support us in learning additional ways of doing things, understanding policies, and activating programs that fit our advanced position. Our world was rapidly changing. We were asked to supervise other employees and were even given the authority to hire or fire people when necessary. A fresh set of skills was certainly required, but it was all part of the life cycle to become part of a work family.

This applies to our personal, single-again lives too. Our sensible choices, over time, bring us a vote of confidence and encouragement. We could have chosen many different directions or paths, but we made the most appropriate decisions at the time and ended up right where we had hoped. It’s never easy to map out a future and stick with the steps, eventually arriving at a certain destination. 

It takes perseverance, patience, and personality. Rick Warren, the author of The Purpose Driven Life, eloquently narrowed these truths down when he said, “Your character is essentially the sum of your habits.” Wise words, indeed.

So, if we get distracted and sidetracked on our chosen path and never quite arrive, just know that it is never too late to start. It is not the end of the world (yet)! Even if we find ourselves happily single again, watching decades speeding by like a bullet train, we are survivors. We know this is true because of the simple fact that we have made it this far. We still have a brain that works, and we dare not waste it. We all know what they say about muscles that are never used. Ready to begin?

Recommended First Steps for a Fresh Start:

• Start journaling ideas about needs (not wants)
• Use your God-given abilities and talents to get involved
• Get the right education and never stop learning
• Believe in yourself - others will follow
• Keep balance in your life: God, family, and work (in that order)
• Learn to forgive and live in peace with everyone
• Make a difference in someone’s life

Tip of the Day 

God lovingly chose us (we didn’t choose Him) before we were even born to become His daughters. Imagine that! He is the King of all Kings, and therefore, we are His princesses! God offers us a better “position”-a new life- to spend eternity with Him when we leave this earth. 

It isn’t anything we do (we can’t earn His love); it is simply a wonderful gift from Him. It is our choice to accept his offer and enjoy the best life we could imagine as his precious daughters once and for all!

“Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life” (Galatians 6:4-5 MSG).

Imagination Reawakened

Swallowtail Butterfly - never gives up!

We are born with a certain personality- our very own unique and individual nature. Tiny, newborn infants have a special way they coo, laugh, or cry, and no two are alike. After surviving young adulthood and all the “crazies” that accompanied those years, we continued to develop in many different and surprising ways.

 

Looking at our lives today from a different viewpoint, we may discover some persistent habits and even destructive life patterns. They seem to hang on like velcro to fabric no matter what we do. These patterns are the ones that display definite signs of personal sabotage: selfishness, irresponsibility, misplaced pride, and a general lack of compassion and love for others and even for ourselves. 

When we were much younger, we dreamed of what we wanted to become when we grew up, even if our ideas were pure fantasy. Our imaginations went wild! We may have even spent time researching how to make that dream come true. Eventually, though, we allowed ourselves to get distracted without the focus and discipline. Sound familiar?

It is likely that some, if not most of us, had concerned parents who encouraged us to get into the right college or trade school that matched our abilities and talents. Did we listen and complete our education? 

On the other hand, maybe we didn't get the support we needed at home. Dad just wanted us to follow in his footsteps, so why did we need an education? Mom just wanted to see us find the right husbands who could support us for a lifetime. Our achievements and dreams were not celebrated as possible pathways for our life ambitions. No one was in our corner. So we “graduated” with a MOQ degree- Master of Quitting- and we were quite good at it.

Now, many years later, when we get off course and pursue lifestyles, careers, and marriages that were never meant to be, it changes our entire life map. It's as if we are headed down one path and find the road blocked. We are forced to use the detour. Sometimes, we get lost and never get back on the right road. We start going in circles like one of those irksome roundabout traffic patterns! Then we wonder, “What in the world happened?” 

When we look up, we see that our nature was traveling down the wrong road in the first place. No wonder we never got anywhere! We had allowed others to determine our life course because of our lack of confidence. We lost the space needed to grow, create, and find our purpose. We became what others expected and wanted us to become, rather than trusting in our abilities. 

Many other revelations started floating to the surface, and once again, our viewpoint changed. This time for the better. This time to explore, examine, and expand into a beautiful new life full of purpose! The key is never to let it go. And don’t ever, ever give up!

Tip of the Day

After struggling, perhaps for years, to gain control once more of our own lives, we finally reach a point where we suddenly realize our nature was just out of sync with God’s plans for us. He never intended for us to go that way! 

This time, we are turning in the right direction. We seek. We listen. Our spirit is reconnecting to our soul like magnets attracted to each other. We “put on a new nature,” follow the Lord, and the angels dance! Hallelujah! Renewal begins.

“Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him” (Colossians 3:10 NLT).

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing" (1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV).

Garden of Grace

Hydrangeas

One true thing about making plans is that they are unpredictable- they can change instantly! Every one of us has gone through the disappointment of life not working out as expected. More than ever right now in America, we suffer through job layoffs, home loans not approved, our thirteen-year-old car permanently breaks down, and our marriage dissolves like sugar in a glass of iced tea. 

It’s all those learning curves we keep running into. Just as we reach our pinnacle- the mountaintop--life has a way of sending us on another journey. We may be expected to change directions, to suddenly leave without any belongings, or to travel alone.

It just seems easier to close our eyes and resist participating in our future.  Avoidance, however, creates another paradox for us. It provides an escape but is not an answer that solves anything of value for us; it is very much like treating the symptoms but not the cause or illness. When we feel uneasy, nervous, and frightened, it is usually because facing the real cause of the problem is much like being held captive or being addicted to whatever “drug” is available. 

We’re not talking about narcotics here; it could be anything that prevents us from focusing like marathon TV watching (tends to drain the brain, experts say), staying in bed all day, overeating, staying up all night, and not getting enough sleep, or uncontrolled shopping (no one wants to become a hoarder). It could be just about anything that slows us down. When we don’t even know what is going on internally with ourselves, “Evasion” is the monster that controls our lives.

So, once again, we find ourselves planning another way to move along on our path. No one else can do it for us. But, we will find it much easier if we understand that Someone is looking out for us and protecting us from those emotional “monsters.” God gave us another chance to make things right in our lives (He is known as the “God of second chances” for a good reason). He brought us through the mess and to this exact place of opportunity. Believing in him, rather than our schemes and ideas, is called faith. Just trying to understand where we get faith and how it is developed will help us find valuable and useful solutions to our pressing situations. Consider these "seeds":

True vs. False. Over time, we can learn to recognize things people do or say as being either true or false. They can not be both, as we may have thought in the past. We’ll know when our “discernment meter” is back in good working order.

Solid Evidence. Our experiences have taught us who and what to trust and when. Some people are our helpers and encouragers, and some are hindrances and stumbling blocks.

Subject Matter. We can study how faith in God is all about how He loves us and provides for our needs. It’s His promise. The seed he plants sprouts strength and encouragement to help us through each day.

Spiritual Connection. Faith needs a helper. It will wither and die if we try to be the sole “gardener.” God gives us His Holy Spirit, who is our lifelong “Helper.” We can call on Him when we don’t know what to do or where to go. Think of him as the “landscaper” who is there to water and nourish the soil of our mind, body, and soul.

Grace in Bloom. No one plants a garden without expecting blooms of every kind. Look at each positive, faith-filled step we take in our lives as another beautiful blossom of Grace (God’s kindness and mercy on us) to keep us going!

Tip of the Day

Here’s a visual idea: Wouldn’t it be fun to start a bouquet of colorful “paper” blossoms and keep adding to it as we pass another turning point in our journey? The whole object of faith is the belief and trust in our one and only Savior, Jesus Christ. With Him in our lives, we can do anything! It’s a fact. He will make sure we have the strength to see our lives turn around for good. Or we can choose the impossible and remain frustrated and unfulfilled. The beauty lesson: He leaves the decision up to us!

“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible” (Matthew 17:20 NLT).

A Triple Mark of Friendship

Three are even better

Most women want to belong to something important where they can make a difference. Some of us join clubs of all kinds. There are groups for moms, book lovers, students, fitness fans, sewing, art, cooks, and writers. You name it, and a band of women is out there looking for others to share their interests meaningfully. Participating in a great group helps to hold us up when we’re having the worst of days. It supports our creative ideas and gives us a place to grow as we, in turn, encourage others. Sharing is what it is all about. We find out, we are not the only “daffy” ones trying to do something positive in our lives. It can be done.

The key here is we were never meant to do things all alone. What would be the point? If we were excited to share some new idea, who would we share it with? What if we had a desire to help out in the neighborhood? How difficult would it be to do it alone? Becoming a hermit on a deserted island is not as simple or attractive as one might think. We are sure it would become quite lonely, and boring, and could do strange things to our minds. 

The popular 2000 movie, Cast Away with Tom Hanks, demonstrates no one can survive for long without connecting with someone, or in this case, with something. Hanks named a beach ball Wilson; he just needed to have a conversation with something other than himself. The movie gets a little crazy after that, but we get the point.

Living alone can be very similar. How many of us have found ourselves talking out loud to, well, nothing or no one in particular? Of course, we don’t expect to hear an audible answer from someone who is not there (hopefully not). Strangely though, it seems to help now and then to answer ourselves, even though the sound of our voice in the silence may startle us! 

Better still, sitting with a friend when we are hurting, in trouble, feeling defeated or dejected, or when we just want to express ourselves and get feedback other than our own, will go a long way to arriving at a quiet place. A friend who has been through similar messes in life may have some amazing insight for us. She can be our backup support when we are dealing with oh! so many predicaments, choices, and tough questions. And, in turn, we can be hers.

Without family or friends to share things with, we leave ourselves open to the worst possible thinking patterns. Even self-destructive ones. We dwell on how bad our lives have gone and imagine they will never get any better. We can see no possibilities at all. Seeing ourselves in the darkness without hope can catapult us right into the many forms of depression. 

If we are shy or introverted, it may not be easy to step out and make new friends. Even if we are the social type, moving to a new town, new job or new home can make us feel reserved and less than confident. It may help to start with this list of ways to join in with others:

• Exercise/walk/jog in the same location every day. Others will begin to recognize us and, eventually, make contact. It will give our smile a workout too.
• Find a church home where the word of the day is "Welcome!"
• Join a class, team, or club. It’s a ready-made group that meets regularly and likes the same things making it enjoyable to connect.
• Attend lectures, book signings, and poetry groups. A different version of the one above, but easier as it is a one-time event and there is no commitment.
• Accept invitations for coffee or a movie after connecting with someone. Keep it safe by meeting in a public place.

Keep adding to this list and soon our pets will wonder why their food bowl is empty all the time!

Tip of the Day

“In the beginning God created. . .” He created us to love others and others to love us. We simply can not successfully do life alone! Post this beautiful Scripture verse on the refrigerator:

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT).