Choosing Our Path

Ready to cycle? Or how about a scooter?

We have just about made it through another year. So while we wait, we can start dreaming about where we want to go in the coming year. No serious plans right now--just a fun peek into the future.

Wheels of any kind--bicycles, motorcycles, scooters, Ferris wheels, roller skates, potters' wheels, and all those planes, trains, and automobiles--have one thing in common and one purpose: momentum. Once they start moving, it's very hard to get them to stop. Sort of like ourselves?

Maybe we didn't choose this life path, and we still feel a little shaky, but our single-again lives are moving whether we want them to or not. The questions are which direction, how fast, and who is at the wheel? If 10mph was the speed we couldn't get past this year, then it's time to step on the gas a bit.

Direction
Where do we want to go in the first place? The wheels are moving, so this is no time to let go! Surely there are things we really want to do with our lives. Maybe a new job that will fit our gifts and talents. It could be finding a better place to live or even moving to a town/city we have always loved. Anything is possible! Just ask God.

Speed
Is the time now? Or will it take six months to prepare? We may need to map out how fast we can get to our dream place. We could even take a vacation to that new town and check out a place to live and a job. "Two birds with one stone" we might say!

Control
"It's never too late to be what you might have been". (T. S. Eliot, American Poet)

Maybe we begin a new season by jotting down plans in a journal. When we see it on paper, it becomes real. Attainable. Possible. We might register for that upcoming class. We can ask for that job promotion. Now is the time to stick our necks out for our dreams once and for all. We don't look back.

Tip of the Day

Being single-again, we are responsible for not only ourselves, but our children too, if we have them. No one else is going to do this for us (nor would we want them to). Only when we rely on God and try, are we going to arrive at a point of accomplishment which builds our confidence so we can do even more.

God is watching. He knows where we are going and is ready to help us at any time. Just ask. 

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20 NLT).

Consistent Steps Will Get You There

It's a must. We have to take care of ourselves now more than ever. That's if we don't want to see a "hag" in the mirror one morning and scare ourselves half to death. It's especially important if we have children at home yet to take care of. Otherwise, we may find them eating from the family pet's food bowl! 

Here's the question: how do we gain the strength we lost while dealing with re-inventing our lives? Being physically exhausted and emotionally fatigued prevents us from living to our fullest capacity. And it only lines the pockets of our doctors (sorry, physicians, aren't you always telling us "Take care, now" as we go out the door?)

Not feeling our very best blocks us from doing what we need and want to do to survive. Don't you have some new plans now for yourself? I mean, think about it, you don't want to repeat what you went through in the past, do you? Of course not, because all the dreams you had while still married can now be fulfilled to perfection--no one is holding you back. Yeah, world! I can do this.    

Feeling down all the time and not caring to get back up also keeps us from creating the abundant joy we crave. I'm not saying it all needs to be done at once. Being drained requires that we take small and specific, but consistent, steps on the road to recovery. 

We can help no one else until we take care of our physical selves. This is not a selfish thing! We need the energy to get to tomorrow. We’ve heard it before--participate in a good nutrition plan, regular exercise, and even fun and exciting ways to pamper ourselves. Those are the first building blocks to physical and emotional health. The way in which we do it, or not (I hate exercise but love the pampering), will be different for each one of us. And at a different pace. Whatever you feel you can do at the moment is the right step for you. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Just keep the momentum going!  

Tip of the Day

Our spiritual well-being is an even more important connection to wholeness. Without this support, nothing else in our life will work properly. No worries, though, because the Lord provides the necessary solid rock to grab onto when we feel we will fall. He is the Rock, solid as can be. Remember that a home built on sand will not stand. 

He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken (Psalm 62:2 NLT). 

TGIT

Did you guess the title of this episode? Nope! This isn't a message about any kind of drugs. This is going to be a TGIT kind of fun!

Since the weekend will be here before we know it, let's start thinking about how much enjoyment we are getting out of life right now. We already know spending day after day in front of a TV is not healthy (it eats up brain cells) and is definitely discouraging.

We have the freedom now; what can we do to increase our purpose and fun? How do we meet new friends? Where is our creativity? Are we setting a good example for our kids and other single friends, and family?

The key? Finding a life-hobby is the best answer to so many dilemmas. If you are feeling bored, depressed, lonely, sad, lacking friends (of either gender), or experiencing fatigue, the solution is to get moving and stay engaged with life! It's simply up to you. It only takes 21 days to create a new habit. You can do this!

Grab a notebook/pen, use your five senses and start adding activities you've been missing out on to this list. Most even have clubs/groups to join (the friend aspect):

• Smell - Nature: gardening, visiting parks/sights, hiking, jogging, cycling
• Taste - Cooking, baking, ethnic dishes, salads, sides, desserts; Volunteer idea: soup kitchen
• Sound - Musical, learning an instrument, dancing, attending concerts, friends of the symphony; Volunteer idea: join worship band at church
• Touch - Games, board games, playing cards, chess/checkers, puzzles; Volunteer idea: senior center
• Sight - Library, reading/book clubs, computers, classes, book sales, books, DVDs, audio; Volunteer idea: children's hour

How would you answer this question at your next friendly gathering:"So, what do you do for fun?"

Tip of the Day

Do you own a Bible? You'd be amazed at how many subjects, tips, suggestions, prayers, stories, etc are included in the pages. You can go online and purchase one, or any Christian church will be glad to offer one to you for free! 

"And now, dear...sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
Keep putting into practice all you learned...Then the God of peace will be with you" (Philippians 4:8-9 NLT).

Souls on Fire

Ready to catch your soul on fire?

There are many, many ways to move in and out of our world; to bring the positives back into our lives. But we'll need to limit it to just a few and build on that as we run into the next chapter with all the joy we deserve. One thing is certain: life never stands still. No, not for anyone. If this has been a year of mishaps, misgivings, and missed opportunities, it's time to set our "souls on fire!"   

There are five easy ways to get our momentum back! Ready? Just think of the word Grace as an acronym. Grace is simply receiving the gifts of favor and kindness from a loving God who believes us to be deserving of all of His blessings.  

Grateful thoughts - every single day brings enough to be thankful about to fill an ocean. Sunrises, lattes, children's laughter, our health and safety, friends, books, gardens, hugs, pets, music, God's creation, and most importantly, His promise of heaven for all eternity. (Psalm 105:1)

Refreshing efforts - along with that sunrise, if we get outdoors each day and breathe in and out, our health can't help but improve in amazing ways. Then we will naturally want to eat healthy and move our bodies, too. Our energy level will soar! Our outlook will change in remarkable ways. (Psalm 147:8)

Abiding attitudes - regaining our happiness is major for ourselves and those around us! We can choose to live in bitterness and an unforgiving environment, but we will never be happy. We can't have it both ways. Once mistakes are learned, our unhappy past has no purpose whatsoever. Today is all we are promised. Not tomorrow, not next week, nor next year. Today is the present. Live in it! (2 Thessalonians 3:16)

Calm temperaments - to regain a sense of who we are meant to be is to find out and practice ways to remain calm and composed. This is easier for some women than others. Only you know you. A common cause of staying upset all the time, full of anxiety, and living in depression is harboring and entertaining worries consistently. God never wants that for us! (Matthew 6:25-32)

Expressing love - "Let me count the ways!" Nothing will move us faster into God's will than spilling the very best of ourselves into the lives of others. Just a simple smile can do it. Laughter and a hug upon seeing a friend (without complaining about our lives) can fill both of us. Give love. Get love. (2 John 1:6)         

Tip of the Day
So, if we truly want a better life full of love, laughter, meaning, and purpose, it's up to us. There is no one else walking on the face of this earth who will do it for us. However, we most certainly have Someone on our side 24-7. Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior? He's there, waiting. Using your own words, just let Him know you are ready to make that decision. 

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago" (Ephesians 2:10 NLT).

  

Shattered into Pieces

Shattered & Broken

It's absolutely no picnic at all to lose someone. It hurts. It's heartbreaking. And it's even embarrassing. We put ourselves out there. We put our trust in the one we loved with all our hearts. We walked down the aisle and made a vow.

Amazingly, the trust was broken without a thought behind it. Shattered into pieces. We did our best to repair the damage. He walked out anyway. The tears have filled a dam--there are none left! Now we grab on, hold on, and move on with all the courage and strength we can find while the wounds heal. Sound familiar?

We often have to ask, ‘Now who can I trust?’ It seems the answer is ‘No one.’ We don't dare do that again, right? But we know that all human beings are filled with flaws. Even us. Sometimes, people we trust do things to ruin that trust in amazing, surprising, and hurtful ways. Even scary ways.

There is no doubt about it. It is extremely difficult to regain a measure of trust once someone has devastated our world. What do we do about it? How do we get on the right track again? Do we run down the street screaming over the dishonesty and selfishness, or do we set responsible boundaries for the next time we're in a relationship? What about our own excuses? Didn't we have some part in this drama? There are many lessons to learn here. It will take time. One thing is for sure: if we don't learn the lessons now, it will certainly happen again.

Lessons at the Top
This is where we discover we can only do so much on our own. We can begin a new life. Check. We can make new friends. Check. We can join a gym and get into shape. Check. We can get a new job if we want. Check. It's just like any new wilderness adventure. What we really need is a Guide to show us the way through the valleys to the mountaintop. A Teacher who can connect with us and give us a desire for the real truth. And a Friend who knows the life that will save us from ourselves.
He gets us!

Tip of the Day

The only One who can do all this is our Lord and Savior, Jesus. He gets us! We can go to Him and really talk about the betrayal, hurt, and sorrow. It's O.K., He's been there. And it's not just about all the overwhelming events that have occurred; He knows about our most treasured dreams, too. Thankfully, we can safely place our total trust in Him like no other. His promise is that He will never ever, ever, ever leave us! He loves us that much, inside and out.

Listen! Do you hear your Counselor knocking at your door?
"Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends." Revelation 3:20 NLT.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 NLT.

Who is the Best Architect?

Build a house on solid rock

The oldest timber frame house in America, the Fairbanks House, built in the year 1637 in Dedham, Massachusetts, still stands after 388 years! Generations upon generations of kids chasing up and down the hallways, big messy spills in the kitchen, skid marks on the wooden floors, broken windows, annoying roof leaks, and plumbing and heating issues; yet, it still stands (now a historic house museum)!

What amazing construction and solid foundation began endless chapters of this story that would stand through births, celebrations, marriages, and yes, divorces. There were not even any home improvement stores down the street. The original owner/architect surely required the workers/builders to listen to his direction and wise expertise. The result remains!

Whether it is a townhouse, condominium, mansion, ranch home, apartment, or mobile home, attempting to build our unique abode--our safety zone--without the correct tools, materials, and know-how will quickly shake our foundation like a six-point-three earthquake! 

We naturally want our new life to stand on its own for a very long time. Think of a brick home built on solid rock rather than unpredictable sand. We are not speaking of the physical building we choose to live in, but rather how we build, secure, and protect our future. A bright and desirable future.

We start by putting some effort into discovering what went wrong in our past so that we prevent repeating the same mistakes. Another marriage may be what some of us eventually want, but none of us want the same scene, identical arguments, or the hurt and pain that comes with unfaithfulness and certainly not abuse of any kind. 

Scrutiny will give us insight into how to re-adjust and improve our thinking and actions in any new relationship. This is not a “blame and shame” game. There is no room for that here. This is an honest look at the original “blueprint” of our life that appeared perfect during “construction,” but contained hidden cracks and imperfect design right from the beginning.

Many of us will do ourselves a favor by seeking out a licensed therapist to talk through the issues that are dragging us down. But to simply prepare for such a meeting or to get us thinking on the right track, we can begin asking ourselves some hard, but important questions. The answers must come from our own frank, open, and sincere observations. Without spending time finding answers to some questions, the “new” home we are trying to build will mysteriously feel just like the “old” home.

Give yourself plenty of  time. Maybe jot down just one question and answer per day in a journal. Then add more thoughts as issues become apparent. Remember, no one will see these pages unless we choose to show them. This is just a way to examine ourselves and get to the bottom of the mire.

These are by no means all the issues to consider when thinking about another relationship. We are smart women and now know what we need in a relationship, and what we don’t. How we get the relationship God intends for us will require caution, personal examination, and daily conversation with God.

Tip of the Day

God (our Best Architect) wisely advises us to listen to him and follow his direction, especially in relationships. He asks this of us so that we will remain protected under his loving hand and so that we will have adequate shelter from the storms of life that threaten to destroy us. The best blueprint for our home on earth is recorded in the chapters between Genesis through Revelation in the Holy Bible. Be sure to check this none-like-it “Answer Book” when completing your journal.

“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash” (Matthew 7:24-27 NL T).

Strong Woman: Yes, You!

Go ahead, try it!

Let's face it. No beating around the bush. Once we become single again, most likely we will need to either find an alternative income source or a regular job leading to a great career. Even if we have all the money we need, sitting around with nothing to do is boring, unproductive, and detrimental to our social life! Just remember what Oscar Wilde, the famous Irish poet and playwright, once said, “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” This might be the perfect quote to hang up where we can see it every day!

Five “Strong Woman” Clues to a Better Life

• Our health and happiness will blossom with the right job or career
• Taking the risk to improve our position will energize us
• Relationships on the job create friendships with those in the same situation
• We will establish ways to find new interests, hobbies, and opportunities

The Wrong Thing at the Right Time

All of this searching may seem scary at first, like looking over the edge of a skyscraper. We may just want to curl up or disappear, but eventually, we will have to face the world again. The good thing is that once we step out on our own, it gets easier and easier to find our freedom. It’s all about choosing a life of love and joy and putting one foot in front of the other. Don’t just take a job because it’s there. That’s a mistake made by many, many women, and it turns them into bitter and resentful people. It’s the wrong thing at the right time.

Some of us are planners from way back. We like the wonderful feeling of things running smoothly--it’s like the taste of a soft-serve ice cream cone. Life is yummy! Organizing is at the top of our list because we hate not being able to find things when we need something. Some of us are not in that camp! Deep down, we like the excitement and constant flow of adrenaline, but, admittedly, we could probably use the help of a professional organizing team to dig us out of the mess.

Tip of the Day

We realize rather quickly, trying to do life alone was never meant for us humans. Yes, it is hard. Harder than we ever knew it would be as a single-again woman. No one said it would be all roses and chocolates. However, if we stop and take a breath, we’ll find out that this adversity in our lives is exactly how our faith can grow. Part of that growth step is recognizing there are all sorts of support groups, counselors, church groups, and best friends to call on when we are depressed and despondent. There is no need to stay in the house and allow our feelings to overwhelm and convince us to give up. That is never a solution to anything.

So what is the very best answer for each one of us? It’s accepting the One who cares about us more than anyone could ever imagine. God knows what we need (not want) the most and what our future is all about. God created us, so of course, he knows all our hurts, pains, frustrations, and depressions. He sees our story on the “Big Screen” from beginning to end. Whereas, we can only look at our life through a narrow lens one day at a time. Otherwise, it would be too overwhelming because he has so many good and wonderful things planned for us. God is willing to direct our steps until we reach his ideal for our perfect life. Our part is just to cooperate!

“Commit your actions to the LORD, and your plans will succeed” (Proverbs 16:3 NLT).